


Overlord: Henpecked

by CaptainKraut (ProfBreastMilkTaster)



Category: Overlord - Maruyama Kugane & Related Fandoms
Genre: Action/Adventure, Canon Compliant, Dominating Wife, F/M, Family, Futanari, Humor, Idiot Apprentice, Knight, Lemon, M/M, Other, Slavery, hermaphrodite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 50,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27746278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProfBreastMilkTaster/pseuds/CaptainKraut
Summary: ‚After 20 years of reigning Ainz’s oddball routine is dismantled by the coming of the sorry excuse of a rival player‘OR‚A most  whimsical tale of two fools quarreling for glory‘ /rated M for mean language, lemon and adult humor.Plot with PornAinz vs Non-Nazarick Player
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Better late than sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi folks and thanks for clicking. Even more thanks if you reach the bottom of the page ;). I hope you'll have some of the fun I had writing it.

He still could hardly believe it as he stared in the mirror of the perfectly still water. The heavy dark gauntlets with silver ornaments carefully touched the fully enclosing helm. Like the rest of the exquisitely wrought plate armor it had been adorned with silver decorations but here they formed not thorny ranks but a circlet of sharp edged roses. An elegant but not pompous polished long sword lay to his right in the grass. On the other side was a shield formed from two circle halves with one being slightly smaller. Its edge was decorated with inward facing thorns and in its center rested a silver rose that sprouted from a single to the center growing tendril. There was no doubt it was Sir Don Idmee looking back, Knight of the Rose and holder of the first seat of the [Feudal Lords]-Guild.

He tore the helm from his head and leaned down to the water. Wide open, ice blue eyes inspected from under low and thick brows the long and straight nose with the charming bump near the base and the high and prominent cheekbones. The pearl white, perfect tooth contrasted sharply with the pitch black magnum moustache that naturally fit the wide jaw and chin and his thick black hair had a single silver streak reach from the left of his forehead all the way to his hair’s base. It was a finest male specimen of about 30 – 40 years age that looked back with a shocked expression.

Don Idmee had felt his hairs brush against the inside of his helm and had smelled his own breath. Neither of which should have been possible in the Dive-in Mass-Multiplayer Roleplaying Game Yggdrasil. The simulated avatars, virtual bodies the players controlled like their natural ones, were restricted in their sensual feedback. Touch was limited as was pain and there was no sense of smell of any kind. Most alarmingly was the lack of facial animations while he now clearly looked distraught as his fingers explored every corner of his face and realized he could feel the coldness and smooth surface of the metal shielding them.

The first explanation popping up in his head was this had to have been a massive upgrade. Yggdrasil had been over 12 years old and been declining in user numbers so maybe this was a stunt to re-vitalize it. But it made no sense. He had spent almost all his spare time in or for the game and never heard even a rumor of an update especially such an extensive one. The simulation was so perfect he could no more tell a difference to reality, even his avatar crossed seamlessly the uncanny valley. How and why would the shitty developers have kept this to themselves?

In fact Yaggdrasil had been supposed to shut down this very night. He had taken one of his few day offs to stay in the empty holdings of his guild. The Feudal Lords had been once one of the names known across all of the giant server of Yggdrasil. The requirement for joining had been to possess heavy level investments in knight theme classes to fit with the game. They did not care which one of the the over 700 available races of Yggdrasil you played or if your Karma-Moral-Level was down to abyss or up in the sky as long as you stuck to a knight theme and proved loyal to the guild.

When every one played a knight every one wanted to play their knight so the guild members made great use Yggdrasils thousands of classes and sheer endless customization options to create memorable characters. His buddy JMAYtheCRACKhit had used the 100 level slots of his maxed character to create a spindly scarecrow with thin, badly handled plate armor, a wagon wheel for a shield and a scythes blade for a sword while insaNI created a priest-warrior-mage hybrid out of a three-headed ettin. He had sacrificed powerful specialization to become an all-rounding wildcard. InsaNI managed to pull off this usually less effective build by use of his formidable knowledge of the game and preparation of counter measures. He was so good that he never broke his role playing tick of spamming the word ‘Ni’ while embarrassing pro-players.

They had both been with him when they founded the guild in Yggdrasils second year but they did not log in today. At the height of its power the Feudal Lords had 69 members. Everyone apart from the founders had to prove worthy in lengthy apprenticeships they not only had the skills but also the mental maturity and loyalty to adhere to the guild rules before being selected as a member. Being a member of the Feudal Lords demanded total commitment and they applied guild rules without exception when someone did not meet that standard and cast him out. It made the guild strong in its high-days and accelerated its decline when its dawn advanced. As real life caught up with the members they had to leave. It was rarely in anger but still Don Idmee remained as the last and only Feudal Lord to defend their holds.

Having no other passion in his life and friends to speak of he had held onto to this only reminder of a time he truly felt happy. Without allies the times when they would hunt the hardest bosses or [World Items] were over and he grinded only to keep the defenses of the guild holds running for they cost gold every day they were active.

The Feudal Lords did not have one large dungeon as a base like most guilds did but held a chain of hills and groves with mini-dungeons – rather houses – for each guild member. While each single one was easy prey for an invading guild they could be coordinated and their defenses and npc guards moved to allied holds making for a highly adaptable and effective defense when guided by a human mind.

He had sat before his own estate and pondered the past in those last moments while he had been staring at the pure water of the moat around it. No one of his old comrades had logged in or contacted him on this last day and he wondered if he was really the only one the guild had mattered so much to. But the others had also committed once to it, they had to have felt the same connection. Had they really found something in terrible gray reality that could have compared to the bond they had?

Don Idmee had not. He had been a lonely store clerk, a nobody, one of many profiles in a faceless sea and just as he as a person had been invisible he had become blind to them. After the early loss of his family he never built there a new meaningful relationship. He had given up on finding love and went on from day to day in a get-it-done-already attitude to life. With the prospect of Yggdrasil finally dying dark thoughts had been starting worming through his brain.

But now it seemed like he had truly become his avatar. All his senses, his sensation of self told him he was who he saw in the water.

Then he noticed that the water of the moat did not fell from the floating islands circular edge in a great lake 20 meters below but just a forest pond barely a hundred meters across that sourced a thin stream quickly lost under the endless sea of treetops around him. He had been wondering if all of Yggdrasil had turned alive but the forest looked nothing like the well kept holds of the Feudal Lords. It was a truly wild, untouched jungle.

He turned around and confirmed that at least his floating estate had come with him and he did not end up as a homeless. The three story building with ivy climbing up it walls it had over 400 squaremeters of living space even without the cellar. Smoke coming from the chimney promised a warm welcome and now he noticed the sinfully enticing smell of fresh bakery coming from the slightly open kitchen window that bid him to come in.

“...left, right, left, right, left, right…” Heard Don Idmee a high and nasal voice and the noise of clinking armor nearing from around corner before he saw the first of two miss-matched armored boots appear. An ugly, dwarfish creature stepped into view. Pot-bellied but with wiry limbs, clad in greenish brown skin and with two tiny horns between to large pointed ears on its bald toad head with large, slit eyes it was pitiful sight. The shoddy armor of collected scraps of plate, chain mail and leather only added to the impression and even the rusty spear and moldering roundshield failed to impress at least some danger or respect.

It stopped its stiff marsh when it noticed him watching it and snapped to a salute shouting with all its might. “Sir, nothing to report. Sir. The estates grounds are safe as always, Sir!”

“You can talk!” exclaimed he without meaning to for he in his mind he was asking ‘You can talk?’ but he was freaked out. For petes sake, how was he supposed to react? Snot, that was its name, was not supposed to talk. Snot was the npc-guard of his home. He was not supposed to talk on his own. He was not supposed to talk at all. He did not even have voice lines in Yggdrasil like all custom npcs Players created.

Snot crumbled obviously under his ‘accusation’ like he was about to sink into the earth or just flee. Don Idmee saw him swallowing a large lump down its wide, but short throat before he timidly spoke. “I do. I think so? I mean- Sir, I do, Sir!”

Snot spoke indeed and even reacted naturally to him like a real living being and although he was a long shot from being a toad expert he swore the emotions he saw play out on the ugly dwarf’s face were real and ironically all too human. He could have sworn he saw them, hell, he still saw Snot blink nervously at him and wait in trepidation for his answer.

His mind raced fruitlessly as he searched for a satisfying explanation how not only he had turned into his avatar but also how his npc could come to life and gain consciousness. Even when discarding the why left the matter of so many details that had to be filled to create a truly whole being. Where did Snot learn to speak? Where did he learn the words? How did a formerly static model suddenly know how to form an expression of fear? Or how to swallow something while 5 minutes ago it did not even have a digestive track? Why did Snot smell of dirt, rust and mud? There was no mud on him and the dirt and rust had only been textures on some odd polygons on its model. What insane mind made the connection and said ‘Hey, it looks like dirt so it should smell like dirt.’?

“Sir, are you alright, Sir?” Snot had awkwardly sneaked closer while he was in thought. His piss-yellow eyes looked up with worry to him like the worlds ugliest puppy. Even despite the mad situation and countless newly popping up question Don Idmee broke out of his confusion and took pity on the creature.

“No, Yes, but it’s not your fault. I was only startled. We never spoke before, did we?” He tried to sound as calm and collected as he definitely did not feel. He still had no idea what was going on but he reasoned alienating the first living person he met would not be evaluated as wise. For one he needed as much intel as he could get hold of and Snot not seeming aware of any change made him a good bet he could provide at minimum something useful. For Two he had no idea if he was truly as obedient to him as he acted. In Yggdrasil Snot’s loyalty to him had been absolute. Don Idmee had created him himself and selected him to be his home’s and spawn point’s guard. Outside of rare mind control magic he would have followed his every command to the death but this was obviously no longer Yggdrasil which brought him to number three. Which and how many of Yggdrasil’s rule did still apply?

Don Idmee had a strong inclination that at least his stats transferred with his mind. His body felt amazing, more healthy and stronger than he ever felt before like he had been wearing steel bands around his heart, lung and mind for all his life that just barely let him live and now they were suddenly gone and his muscles warming up with every second to literally tear out trees.

But what about his other abilities? Could he still access his skills and inventory? His HUD was gone and he saw no way to access the menu or contact an admin. But maybe if he could access his items….

“Sir, no, we don’t. Sir.” squeaked Snot with the expression of a happy dog. “Sir, this is a great honor for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I didn’t dare hope this day would ever come but here it is!” Before Don Idmee could speak one syllable of protest Snot latched onto his hip in a strong bear hug proving he too retained his strong physical stats and squealed. “This is the happiest day of my life, I swear! I must the most blessed squire in the whole world!”

He recalled how he wrote some none-sense into Snots background sheet almost a decade ago. Pale memories welled up that told of fanatical obsession and adherence to every word of Snot’s master and knight teacher; him; how he had picked him up as stray infant and molded him into a fearsome warrior- for a [Toadie]. He could no longer summon all the details but enough to finally pry off Snot with the confidence he could trust his npc. If those information had also turned real he would able to entrust him with his life and sleep well.

“Maybe.” Said Don Idmee as he pointedly sat Snot a meter away from him down. “But you should still remember that you are trying to become a true knight. A knight always keeps his dignity.” He had no idea if that ever was true or applied to knights in this world if there even were knights but Snot listened and dutifully nodded all the same with total attention. Unblinkingly he waited for him to continue. “Anyway we should stay our lessons at a wholesome pace so you won’t miss any crucial detail. Wouldn’t do if you failed the exam because we rushed your education.”

“There’s an exam?” asked Snot uncertainly and Don Idmee realized he had made a mistake and hastily tried to remedy.

“Oh, ehm, yes, but only for the good squires.”

“The good squires…” cast down Snot his eyes and tasted the words on his toad tongue. “...only…. The good squires…” before jerking them up again and saluting. “I _will_ be a good squire! Sir, Yes, I will!”

The sudden intensity in the formerly succulent creature’s eyes was nerve wracking and Don Idmee almost jumped when Snot clicked his heels with another salute and went on patrolling around the house always reciting his mantra. “...left, right, left, right, left, right…”

He canceled his wide apart proud pose when Snot finally vanished behind the estate’s corner and sighed in relief this situation played out so luckily. The whole status was just insane and so it wouldn’t have been out of question a mad god had decided to sic his own servant on him.

But said servant would return in just a moment. He had no time to waste and pondered his skills and inventory. He decided to focus on something simple, one of his earlier earned skills he had made use of all the time: [Retrieve Arms], a basic ability with negligible cool-down that returned a warrior’s equipped weapon to his hand should he lose it. [Zorn], his sword, still lay in the grass. It was the weapon he had equipped in Yggdrasil’s last moment and for most of his career as guild master. His gut made him doubt there were still equipment slots applying to him but still he felt ten rings on his fingers and as he focused on them he discovered a natural feeling of oneness to them emerge. His instincts told him of their abilities, their cool-down timers and charges and he knew deep down they only waited patiently to unleash them on his first desire to. With the same certainty his arm reached out for the Zorn and it jumped at once at perfect angle in to his hand.

For the first time he truly held the sword that earned him his honor. Now in this fantastic new, real feeling body the blade was feather light as if it had been made from hollow plastics and yet he knew at the same time a human would never have been able to lift it on his own alone yet alone swing it.

He lowered Zorn to the ground and he did not even feel resistance when it cut into it till it pointed straight the worlds core. [Sharpness] had been a property of weapons in Yggdrasil and added bonus damage for any that passed past the victims armor. A deadly and very useful quality in the game but witnessing it in life was altogether chilling. Such a weapon could be used as a quill to write on rock as fast as any scholar on paper. Like all of the gear he wore it had been of the best possible quality for custom made items; [Divine]. It had been forged to fit perfectly to his character build and he quested for months with the support of his guild to collect the finest and most rare materials and items used in its creation. Even a casual player had he been able to wield it would have become a threat with it.

He gave it a few test swings before he felt confident enough in its balance and tried his hand on a few tricks. He threw it between his hands, he impaled, beheaded, bisected and quartered imaginary opponents, let it spin in his hand and the air along all three axis and smoothly continued to combine as varied and acrobaticas possible maneuvers as he could think of and did each and every one perfectly. Snot passed himagain with an obedient salute when he was finally satisfied and secured it on his hip in his elegant scabbard of black leather and silver reinforcements.

[Crown of Thorns], his shield jumped also to him and had to serve its time as toy. He concentrated on the [Inventory], a skill all players were able to use ad infinitum to securely store their possession in a virtual place safe for one randomly chosen item out of all that would be dropped on a player’s death. He was deeply relieved when his mind filled with detailed information of all his items he had stored there during the game. He was instinctively aware of each and every piece and details popped to his awareness like they had just been waiting on his tongue when he focused on a specific piece. Crown of Thorns dropped through a pitch black cloud into this very space and Don Idmee felt his face stretch as a wide smile forced its way on it. His flight checkup had nothing to report. He was ready for this adventure whatever it might include for he had every tool at hand he knew he was very, very good with.

“Be aware world! Here I come!” shouted he to the forest. A few birds rose from their twigs but that was all the care the forest mustered for his challenge. He did not mind. He became aware again of the delicious smell coming from the kitchen and reasoned he should also inspect the house. He should test at least if the furniture stayed props or also gained functionality. But in truth he was just giddy at the thought of suddenly having a giant luxurious home all for himself instead of a small concrete cell he lived most of his life in.

Don Idmee walked under the small roof over the entrance and spied inside through the small, iron bars secured window. The marble floor entrance hall with its show gallery and stairs was empty apart from the huge paintings hanging on the brick walls and one lonely bust of a bearded man that was supposed to represent the roman legionary Artorius the supposedly historical inspiration for the King Arthur legend. He turned the handle and pushed in the heavy door that felt so light to him.

The temperature of the air inside was cozily warm without being too hot even in his armor and the mouth watering smell was even stronger. He detected notes of cinnamon, butter and a lot of caramelized sugar and simply had no other choice but to turn left and head for the kitchen. Even his usual ritual when entering his home of rubbing the busts helm happened only as a hasty afterthought.

He entered the kitchen and hungrily looked around for the delicacy. The room was wide and reached all the way to the other side of the house where behind floor touching windows a patio waited. Before the windows was a small table with four chairs and a double door leading to the ceremony and dinner room. The front half was dominated by a central hearth and co-joined working plate and store while the walls were taken up by cupboards for storage of food and tools. Plants in small and large pots where spread all over the room and added a homely note but most importantly was the steaming cookie sheet waiting on the top of the hearth.

An ocean of saliva filled his mouth at the sight of bakery waiting on it and he picked up one piece , each about as large as a flat hand. It had neither the classic cookie form or dough and its thick swirls gave the impression of a compressed harmonica. All of the rust colored browning glistened with golden sugar crystals. He had rarely eaten real food in his life for it had been prohibitive expensive and he had to make do like most of humanity with nutrient pasts and vitamin pills but now he held such a luxury in his hand and it already smelled infinitely better than everything he had before. Best of all there was a whole sheet waiting for him!

It was brittle and just the right way filling and tough when he bit into it and the warmth and moister of his tongue easily bled cinnamon flavored butter nectar from the small piece that caressed his whole mouth like an experienced lover. He chewed what felt like forever on this one bite for he just could not bring himself to swallow it and end this orgiastic pleasure. He felt a tear run down his cheek when he exclaimed in deepest appreciation. “If there is a god I just saw her face.” He looked down on the bakery both his hands now held and leaned down with lust filled anticipation for another exquisite bite.

“I can’t believe it! You are eating my cinnamon rolls! After so many years!” exclaimed a shocked yet still sultry woman’s throat that possessed an inseparable personal note of playfulness and wile.

He looked up from the dropped dust wig in the door frame to the entrance hall to a baffled maid. A maid in a sexy black and white uniform with a plushy but short skirt that left everything and nothing to imagination. A maid with thigh high white stockings on strong yet shapely legs that seemed to stretch on forever from the small black high heels. A maid with two peaches the size of grapefruits that waited to be plucked from the basket of her revealing cleavages. A maid with the mysterious grey eyes of a seductress, the nose of an aristocrat and the sensual lips of a whore. A maid with long blonde hair and the speechless yet gorgeous all the same face of a goddess.

He took a hasty bite for he knew this would turn complicated with certainty and mumbled between chewing. “Hello, darling.”

She stared at him with stunned eyes and he could not blame her. It was an inbred response but she was not just woman of beauty that could incite whole epics – she was his guilty boy fantasy come to life and confronting him, demanding with her very presence answers to questions he asked himself – ‘Isn’t it quite pathetic to have spent half a month’s earning for a pro to create a customized wank fantasy?” And isn’t it sad to have made her your wife in her character background? How horny, lonely and isolated must a man be to detail so of many of her preferences in bed, her personality’s characteristics and her specialties to turn his base guarding npc instead in his nerdy mary sue?’

‘And isn’t this awesome?’

Frankly, his feelings were mixed For safety he grabbed three more bakery pieces when she tip toed like in dream over to him; who knew how this would play out and he wanted for the worst case at least a consolation. She stopped barely half a step away from him and looked him up and down like a manifested miracle, almost tempting him to say ‘Be not afraid.’. Tears welled up under her long lashes and she reached reverently for his face to cup it as gently as a newborn. She prayed in a whisper. “Say that again.”

“Hello or Darling? Or do you mean the whole sentence?”

Her eyes figuratively lit up like tiny stars and a toothy smile spread over her lips while she whispered. “You talked to me. 8 years of silence and today you finally talked to me! I had almost given up hope and accepted it as the price for saving me from oblivion, but…” - One of her hands reached for his behind head. - “today is different. Please promise this isn’t a dream I will wake up from again! I could not bear it!”

“No, you are just as awake as I” said Don Idmee and convinced himself it was the whole truth even if all still turned out indeed as a vivid dream of his.

He was sure she was about to yeep but she held onto herself and asked seriously, more to herself than him. “You say that but this could also be a dream.” He felt the grip on his head harden and the caress turned without the slightest movement into a vice grip . “I am sorry, honey, but I need to test you for the sake of my sanity. Excuse my selfishness.”

“Ehm.” wasn’t what he wanted to say but he had nothing better at hand when he had first contact with a npc with a world crisis that happened to be a manifestation of many very private thoughts.

“’Ehm’’s doing a bad job of convincing me, honey. But keep trying.” padded she his cheek with equal amounts of pity and threat. “I need something my own mind could never come up with, an information only you could have, something I was explicitly not to know..” Her frown lit up with an epiphany.

“What?”

“That’s better, but still not good enough, honey. I have an idea for a question. I remind you this is for the sake of my and your safety, if you are indeed Don Idmee.

“I think so. I am.” answered he truthfully because she was building up to the weirdest captcha question he could have ever imagined but he of all people should have been the most understanding for her predicament.

“Your articulation is getting even better. Oh, this could be bad. It could be a sign of a powerful curse hitting stride.” Knitted she her brows in worry and begged with hunted eyes. “Honey, I can give this test only one shot before I have to cast powerful dispelling magic on the chance this is a malign effect at work so answer the next question without hesitation and thinking!”

“Okay-”

“What’s the combination for the treasury?!”

“6, 4, 11 - wait a minute!” hit he the brakes before he could tell her the remaining 4 numbers and took a step back out of her reach. “Is this a scam for my bank account?” She rolled her eyes, confirming to his total outrage he caught her indeed. “The whole act, the tears, the pleading, the outrage that should be mine, they were all just a trick to get at my money!”

“That’s not true. Well, most is but just most.“ objected she totally unconcerned and stole one of his cinnamon rolls because he was too angry and shocked to move a muscle. She nipped relaxed at it while he crushed his and remarked. “The tears and the drama? Yes but I am indeed deeply grateful that whatever effect had gripped you finally ended because I was at the end of my abilities and ideas.”

“You don’t say.” seethed he still at loss how he should act about her unabashed audacity.

“Yes exactly” pointed she out. “You never heard anything I said! I couldn’t touch you and I couldn’t cast one spell on you you didn’t tell me to! You know how frustrating that is when there is no end in sight?”

“I _can_ relate.” emphasized he. “And how can you remain so calm about it? Shouldn’t you be at least a little bit affected by such a life changing event?”

“Oh I am.” He didn’t believe one letter. “Hey, I’ve been saved from the blink of oblivion by a gallant and sexy knight and groom who fought with his guild against monsters, madmen and magicians across 9 dimensions for mind boggling riches and power. It’s a big and strange world. I don’t get impressed that easily anymore.”

“I get it.” relented Don Idmee and felt some steam release from his temper. He had indeed explained the paradox of her being a fresh creation and her supposed origin of being a legendary virgin waiting for salvation by retelling it as a rescue from the very borders of creation at the edge to the void itself. Despite her shape she was no human like him she was a [Vanir]. Yggdrasil had offered over 700 races to chose from to create avatars or npcs and each offered quite different gameplay effects. As a [Human] Don Idmee belonged to the [Humanoids], quite telling basically humanoid races like [Elves] and [Dwarfs] with slightly different attribute boni and mali and minor inherent abilites. The [Vanir] were besides the [Asir], [Jotunn] and [Sutunn] one of the god races inspired by old germanic poetry. Amongst their specialty was the skill to act as their own deity when playing a divine spell caster which in turn enabled greater customization for the patronage boni.

It was a quite powerful ability and their stats were above any [Humanoid]-player thus they were categorized as [Demihumans]. For balance they could be targeted as a whole without difference by certain common abilities in example a [Ranger’s] high level [Favored Enemy]-skill.

Last were the [Heteromorph]-races. They were similar to the Demihumans but could in addition invest in [Race]-level instead of [Class]-level to build upon their inherent boni or even evolve. Snot belonged as a [Toadie] to them. They had still been rarely picked because other players could kill them outside of duels without penalty making especially the early levels a pain.

His ‘wife’ had been a goddess who rejected any male or female who tried to claim her and when she send even Odin away the angry god father chained her to languish forever in solitude. Don Idmee had always thought it a strength of this basic, maybe even primitive, story to be so pure of detail. What were 8 years of silence to someone who might possibly really suffered an eternity before? It would indeed be a good reason why she appeared so unfazed. But it could hardly be called an excuse for trying to steal his money. The cockiness alone with which she nipped at her snack and dared him with confident eye contact and an amused smile to speak up made his blood boil. But Don Idmee reminded himself of the lesson he just told Snot outside. A knight always kept his dignity and throwing a fit would only prove her the victor. His ego wouldn’t stomach that so stomached his feelings and said as civil as possible for him. “Its just that it’s also a challenging situation for me. I honestly didn’t expect you or Snot ever to talk back to me. This is quite unsettling and unprepared for to me, you know?”

“Oh honey, that angst doesn’t suit you at all.” said she and put down the bakery to step close again with a warm smile. He was still at full attention for any manipulation she might try but she was a one-woman porn industry and he was a man. He let her do. She explored with a perfectly manicured finger the silver of his chest armor and spoke. “I don’t deny it’s a most surprising and, I hope for you too, fortuitous turn of fate but seeeriously, get a grip, man! You are a frigging knight guild master, you bashed in the heads of monsters with toe nails larger than you on a weekly base, you have seen almost all thinkable weird stuff in creation in the span of a few years and now you start to freak out by a curse lifting?” It felt unfair to have himself accused of acting like a wimp and a stupid stubborn rascal in him wanted to lash out but he also knew that would have been unfair to her and he just couldn’t tell her it was all just make belief, a game to him and she only a glorified idol of his desires without expecting painful, best case only physical, repercussion. “Maybe you only had a lot of stress lately. Anything demanding happened the last days?”

‘Shutdown’ was the first word on his mind but he evaded before he could tell a bad lie. “Some bad news from work and no one to go for but nothing you should concern yourself about.”

His suspicion rose again when she accepted unfazed. “Ahhh that’s sad but look up. Now your not alone anymore and I know just the thing to relieve some of that stress.”

He felt and heard something metallic and very heavy land behind his legs on the floor. He barely managed to wonder “Did you just remove my codpiece?” before he inhaled sharply by reflex when he felt her hands on his surprisingly modern underpants for an olden timesy knight but that was the least of his worries in that moment. This was first time ever a woman laid hands on him and he never expected to actually have such a woman do the honor. For a brief terrible thought he feared if he even would be able to perform but then his member already turned rock hard in her hand as she fondled it carefully like an explorer through the fabric. She wet her lips and purred with a very satisfied brow wink. “You must had a stallion somewhere down the family tree.”

His mind had no capacity to consider what she could try to imply. His tip reached high over the top line of the cloth and she had begun to torturous slowly run her thump along its bottom edge. “...Uuhh…. Here? No- OH! Oh! OH!! Now?” was all he managed to produce when he tried to buy some time to get his mind on track again as she clearly enjoyed seeing him react to even the tiniest pleasurable movement.

She laughed while he was at her mercy. “Why not? Our kitchen, our house, who’s gonna bother us? Honey, I need my fix and you’re the only man who can ever deal me what I need. I’m gonna explode if I can’t release soon and its not like we’re both not hard for it.” She leaned into him fixing Don Idmee at the working table. His hands clawed into the wood as she gave him his first sexually loaded kiss and her hand gripped the top of his dick firmer and started to stroke it slowly. Her lips felt like warm tulip petals massaging his with the mindfullest of touch and the taste of her tongue could never be caught in words as it playfully struggled with his in an instinctive back and forth dance. -”Any idea how the curse ended?- “World ended.” answered he at once for he needed her to continue but she did just the opposite and leaned back shocked.

“The world ended? How did that happen?”

Don Idmee couldn’t fathom how that could be important when they were about to have sex. His answer was to the point only because there was no time to waste. “The curse? Wizard did it. World ended. We survived but wizard did not so curse ended. Can we get on?”

For a moment he saw the gears turn behind her searching eyes before she shrugged “Cool.” and thankfully leaned forward again to continue their kiss. His shyness melted by the touch of her tongue and her hand and he reached around to caress her butt and run his finger up her spine before the attached hand secured her shoulder in a possessive grip so she would never go. Something primal in him could have stayed like that forever in that tantalizing union but the breeder in him got scent of an even bigger prize when her strokes intensified with each armor piece her free magical hand loosened. He was left in his socks, pants and undershirt when his last gauntlet dropped. The feeling of her warm body press against his chest commanded him to grab her behind rougher and knead the perfect mixture of trained muscles and good fat prompting her in turn to pump him even harder.

“Are you ready?” paused she their kissing but not her strokes. His penis felt like it was about to burst with blood. Of course he was ready and he nodded. “Ready to fuck me? Want to shove your meat stick in my tight wet pussy.”

The question was obsolete to him. What else could he ever want? He could not waste this chance and affirmed just so she would continue. “Oh yes, please!”

“You’ll have to beg for it.” Teased she as she escaped from him leaning in for another kiss but never let go of his member or falter in her stimulation. A moan fueled by frustration and pleasure in equal measure escaped him and he realized in his dimmed mental state he was completely at questionable mercy and she knew. “Tell me what you desire!”

“I want to fuck.” pleaded he and searched desperately for mercy in her eyes.

“Who do you want to fuck?”

“You, of course.”

“Then say my name when begging!”

“I want to fuck you, Astrid!” obeyed he obediently but she thundered

“Wrong!” and pushed him roughly on his back on the working table. She wasted no time and followed to crawl slowly over him like cat whose prey couldn’t escape. She leaned down and gave him one more wonderful kiss before she corrected him with a wicked smile. “It’s Misses Idmee.”. She licked the barest tip of his nose and rose up to shuffle further forward on her knees till she could have sat down on his chest. The goddess who decided the undoubtedly most important moment in his life towered like a giant over him from his position and he would have sold her his very soul would she called for it as sacrifice for her blessing. Astrid huffed excitedly as she felt his hands wander from her thigh to the edge of her skirt and under it up her warm body on skin as perfect and hairless as a worry stone.

His heart changed into an even higher gear when he heard the pressure bumps on the back of her costume pop open and she allowed his hands to reach for her breast when she lowered the cloth. He barely listened as he played with greatest patience and tender eagerness to experiment with her nipples and peaches. “You will fuck me, Don Idmee.” graciously granted Astrid as she let the maid outfit drop to the floor leaving all between her and the remaining world her white socks and panties. She reached for the latter and pulled it down. “But first you’re gonna taste me.”

One of the most mysterious aspects of human thinking are remarkable epiphanies intuition can grant them even while their conscious rationality still fails to realize a problem at all. At one moment they can be alert, their senses sharpened and their thoughts focused and nothing seems wrong but the next second they discover that one new detail they don’t need to painstakingly debate and equate every possible history of because the facts and causality become obvious in an instant. A human simply knows what went wrong.

“Suck it.”

His new detail had almost smacked into his face when it dropped out of her panties and he was at once taken back to the day he had received the finished custom model for Astrid. It had been been a rush to fire up the dive stool, Yggdrasil and the character editor, import the set to it and load the build for her 100 levels he had prepared before so he could finally type while horny staring at her model at her background and release there all his desires and embarrassing fetishes. Months of preparation went before to perfect every detail of her build to maximum efficiency and tweak her model to his imagination and he forgot about it one important detail the game never gave him an opportunity to notice. He forgot to set a sex for her. Since the game went to great length to appease moral guards; models couldn’t be touched outside of combat and characters would never strip enough to expose private parts; Don Idmee never got any indication something could have been amiss,

Which was why a full-package hermaphrodite was now dangling its hairless balls and impressive penis in front of his face and expected him to get to work.

“Sir?”

He noticed he was running, and quite fast at that, through dense underwood. He felt a comfortable but unwieldy weight under his arm. Looking to it he saw the world’s ugliest cuddle animal, or short Snot, blink confused but patiently back at him and ask. “Sir, are we now done with running?” Why was he running? And why did he wear only socks and underwear? Where was he headed for anyway? Should he stop running? Was there a reason not to stop? “I am feeling a little bit sick from the bouncing, Sir.” Snot was with him but why would he take Snot with him? And he could talk? Yes, it was confirmed fact since he met him a moment ago but why were they now here and not at the estate? What happened next? He sent him off, then he practiced his skills and then he went inside. He searched the cookies. He found the cookies. He ate the cookie. Right! Then he met his wife and tried to eat her cookie…

Don Idmee came to a stop in the middle of nowhere with every direction looking the same in the dense forest as the rest of his memory played out again in full detail without him wanting to. He set Snot down and even dusted some dirt of him before he stalked slowly off lost in thought. He seemed to have gotten a hold again and banished the initial panic but he still had so many uncomfortable considerations to make.

Having a dick shoved in his face he didn’t know about or approved of bordered in his mind on rape. It wasn’t dirty or smelled bad, quite the opposite, but it was still a dirty move on her, his, its, no, her part. Was it? Was she even aware he was not? Because if she wasn’t she had in conclusion had to be thinking he was fully aware which he was definitely not! But he would still be a dick all the same for taking flight like she was a monster. That was never what he was trying to commute and he hated himself even on the chance pnly he could have hurt her such. For she was still a literally breathtaking woman.

Even considering her extra Astrid was likely the hottest female being he would ever meet. But could he trust her? On the one hand she was a npc creation of Don Idmee and guardian of his house just as Snot was and his squire appeared to be fiercely loyal to him but also heavily implied that in his squires background. This could have pointed to Astrid sharing a similar loyalty but she had proven right from the start as infuriating manipulative and bold. There was a chance something went wrong in her translation from Yggdrasil to wherever here was but as he recalled the details of her background material an understanding started to form. First of all she was a focused spell caster with very high mental stats. If his high physical stats had turned into an actual super hero body who was he to deny the possibility the same happened to her mind? Even if not he had still described her character and mental prowess in so many overblown, in hindsight extremely embarrassing terms that could be summarized as: devious, cold blooded, hyper-intelligent Genius. The first problem was: he was not. Don Idmee wasn’t stupid but he acknowledged himself his limitations and that first taste in the kitchen alone worried him he wouldn’t even notice when she manipulated him to serve her own designs. Was it wise to return under the sway of such a person? Maybe not but he mentioned also another thing in her material.

“’Astrid is always horny with dripping passion for her only ever and eternal love Don Idmee.’” cited he one of the most important lines in the document and was once again torn in his feelings. On the one hand it was unlikely she would ever let him go. Out of her life and certainly not with another woman. He was quite likely bound to her alone till death itself parted them but on the bright side he wouldn’t ever have to worry about her cheating on him or not being in the mood.

“And ‘smoking hot’ totally fails to give her credit, damn it!” Cursed Don Idmee because he was no step closer to getting anywhere in decision making.

“Sir Idmee?” caught up Snot with him.

“Hm?”

“Why are we here and why are you naked, Sir?” Snot’s question was asked from a point of purest innocence without the slightest hint of disdain or disapproval for his admittedly strange state. The little one simply was interested in his master Don was sure and so he forgot despite the stress all anger and managed to explain.

“We are scouting this place and meeting the natives heavily armed doesn’t help build trust. Never forgot the powerful symbol the sword is.” Okay, he lied on the fly but he didn’t worry the amphibian with anatomy and problems it was no way prepared for and now that he thought about it didn’t seem such a bad idea. Scouting this place and getting to know where they were and if there was also someone else, as he hoped, and if any posed a threat was an important mission and could stay away from home.

Snot, the loyal buffoon, considered his words with all his available wit and found lacking as he looked down confused to his spear and shield and asked. “Sir, should I go naked too and throw away my weapons, Sir?”

“That won’t be necessary, Snot. I think me, the mightier warrior of us, laying down his arms is symbolic enough. You can also keep away pesky animals should they bother me so keep your weapons ready.” put he Snot back on track.

“Sir, yes, Sir! Left! Right! Left! Right!...” saluted his squire motivated and returned to his patrol but this time around Don Idmee. He watched him for a time finally getting irritated when the toadie never seemed to tire of it despite the mind numbing pointlessness and finally snapped with a warm smile and a tender hand on Snot’s shoulder stopping him at his height so he would walk at his side.

“Snot, why don’t you stop for a moment and take a breaths. It’s not like we will see anyone approaching sooner just because you run around me.

“But Sir, I have to patrol! I have to show I am ready to protect you, Sir.”

“Trust me, running in a circle like a headless chicken will impress nobody.”

“Oh…” understood hi squire with lowering ears. “Sir? Why then do I have to patrol around the house if it doesn’t scare enemies, Sir?”

‘Cause you obviously can’t look through brick walls, simpleton. Stop asking stupid questions’ wanted he to say but trimmed it down to a, admittedly forcefully, patient. “Snot. Can you look through walls?”

The toadie thought long and hard before he answer ed. “I could if there’s a hole in it, Sir, right?”

Don Idmee would have liked nothing more than to express his feelings in a guttural scream but he knew that Snot wasn’t to blame. He had given the problem some thought just as Don Idmee was hoping for just not the one he had been counting on and so he tried to guide him further to independent thought. “That’s not wrong, Snot, but remember what most walls look like. There are no holes in them, right? So can you look through them?”

Snot thought even longer this time before he finally lit up with a beaming ugly smile. “Sir, I think this time I got it right, Sir!”

“Good, good, tell me about it.” Encouraged he.

“So most walls don’t have holes to look through…” Don Idmee’s initial hope to seed some common sense in his squire immediately crumbled but he let him continue anyway. “so we put windows in them. Windows are made of glass and if I put my head through it to look through the glass will break. So I walk around so I won’t have to break the glass to break through. But here is no window I could break so I don’t have to walk around!”

As wide as Snot was grinning he must had miss-judged Don Idmee’s lack of response as impressed approval and in parts it was. Snot hadn’t applied logic as he had been hoping for but he proved he possessed at least some rational thought even if one of a fussy kind and reached at the end the conclusion he was going for. It had become to clear to him that Snot was not a perfect idiot and more intelligent than he had initially given him credit for. Snot followed his own kind of logic and he realized he would have to learn the toadish way of thinking and adjust his language if he ever hoped to expect productive output from Snot. He knew at once it would be a hard piece of work on his side but he had guided and formed an entire guild of individualistic nerds – how hard could it be to guide one hyper-attentive student?

“Close enough.” compromised Don Idmee prompting Snot to a quick rejoicing jump before remembering his position and straightening up again. “As I mentioned we are on a scouting mission. Problem is I don’t know what’s there to scout.”

“Sir, isn’t that why we scout, Sir? Asked Snot understandably.

“It is. I meant I am not sure where we should start to scout.”

“Sir, didn’t we already, Sir?”

“In earnest Snot.” Sighed Don Idmee and rubbed his eyes before explaining lest Snot could deplete his gray matter even more. “We are looking for a place where our time and effort are best invested in.”

At last Snots perpetual expression of wonder changed to understanding. “Aaaahhhh… aAAAaaahhh…Sir, you’re talking about special places you want to look at, right, Sir?”

“Exactly.” Confirmed he relieved.

“Well Sir, I saw smoke rising in that direction.” Said Snot and pointed perpendicular to their current path.

Smoke could rise from various sources. Of course it could be man-made but even then it could come from an oven, a smithy or an attack or it could have been an entirely natural phenomenon like a wild fire or volcano. Snot’s intel could lead them who-knew-where but since he noticed or remembered nothing else when further questioned it was the only direction they had to go for.

They wandered for hours with Snot at front easily clearing a path for them with practiced swings of his spear till he cut down a final shrubbery and they suddenly stood on an unpaved but well kept road. Although Don Idmee’s gut feeling had already suspected other sentient life in this world it was the first hard evidence that someone lived here, probably not too far away. A few hundred meters further they could see it leading outside the forest. He told Snot to stay wary and seek a hideaway should somebody approach. They had no idea who lived her or how friendly they would turn out so he concluded it to be be best to stay on the safe side.

Naturally when applying such care they met no one on their way to the edge but what they discovered there easily made up for the previous hours’ monotony. The forest lay at the rising edge of a wide plain full of crops that whipped along the rhythm of the warm wind and he could see people sprinkled all over them. To his relief many turned out to be humans in simple clothes of antiquated style similar but definitely different to how they appeared as npcs in Yggdrasil but there were also members of other races walking and working in between them. Some like the ogres and goblins he recognized from Yggdrasil but others were completely alien to him and he was certain they were never part of the game. Yet most notable was that most of creatures he saw were skeletons. Skeletons that tended to the fields.


	2. Life's a bitch (xxx)

Now that Don Idmee had a first rough impression of the place they found themselves in he had to decide how he would try to infiltrate their society without holding up a figurative banner saying ‘Absolutely not from here.’ That humans and not-humans existed and seemed to freely mingle worked in his favor but would they grow suspicious of Snot? He hadn’t seen another toadie among the natives but the demi-humans seemed to compromise a minority even counting all species he saw together so maybe he could get away with referencing their rarity. They had been one in Yggdrasil due to possessing few noteworthy boni players couldn’t also get from other races along with more useful abilities although he doubted the people he saw had any experience or knowledge of the game. Aside from the unfamiliar races among them the clothes and equipment they used seemed to be mostly non-magical, far below in quality to anything any player would have considered using outside of hard role-playing and if they had had access to skills and higher tier spells there would have been no need to toil the fields by hand.

Also if the natives really lived in a dark age equivalent he doubted they would react positively to aliens from another dimension or perhaps even universe. Discretion would be the wiser path for the time being and so he picked a set of non-enchanted simple clothes from his inventory and a basic short sword to have at least a weapon at hand no matter how shoddy. Confident he wouldn’t stand out among the other humans in his boots, leather trousers and linen shirt he signaled to Snot to step out of the bushes they had been hiding in. 

He had briefly considered if he should instruct Snot with a cover story but decided against it. He had no trust Snot would understand his orders as he wished him to and what was wrong with him being a knight and Snot his squire, anyway? Perhaps his special intellect would even work in his favor and he could dismiss any discrepancies and holes as mistakes on Snots part.

They passed a sign post with unfamiliar symbols written on it and it occurred to him he hadn’t even considered the problem of foreign languages. On the off-chance the mysterious powers that also taught Snot how to speak also instilled him with unexpected education he asked. “Snot, can you read what’s written on the sign?”

To his surprise he nodded and pointed to each part. “Sir, yes I can, Sir. It says ‘scratchy fleck, scratchy fleck, even more scratchy fleck, round and scratchy fleck, not so scratchy but also round fleck, scratchy fleck-”

“Thank you, that’s will suffice.” Stopped him Don Idmee not even disappointed anymore. His expectations had been low from the start but it was still a let down. Out of options he headed for the closest group of people and hoped against odds he would somehow be able to communicate with them.

His fear proved to be unfounded as he could easily follow the discussion between the weather garbed older farmer and two human and goblin guards in simple but sturdy leather armor armed with pole-arms when they walked closer. “You can’t confiscate my skeletons in the middle of sowing! How am I supposed to pay my taxes when I have no harvest to sell?”

“Not our problem.” brushed him the human bored off. “You missed your monthly fee and rules are rules. Sorry, old man.” It clearly was an empty phrase as he didn’t look sorry at all and the goblin guard added quickly before the farmer could exhale a flood of curses.

“What my subordinate clearly meant to say.” and he threw a threatening glare to the young man while saying so. “Is that it would leave an unfair impression on the other farmers if we let you use his majesties workers without due payment.”

“But I paid! I swore I did! For 14 years I have always paid my fee on the first day of the months! I’ve never been late! The damn bureaucrats must have screwed up not me!”

“Be that as it may we are under instruction to confiscate your skeletons till you prove the payment. The ministry of workforce distribution will of course reimburse you for any losses should you prove your case but until then…”

Don Idmee could hardy believe his luck. What where the chances he would speak the same language as people from a completely other world? Could it be really coincidence or was it possible it applied to other spoken words as well? He made a mental mark to follow up on the possibility given the chance although he already noticed if so it would be hard to notice when people changed language. A first good test would be if they also understood him and so he raised his arm in greeting and called. “Good day, gentlemen. Could I bother you for a moment?”

The three natives looked a little puzzled at him and Snot and Don Idmee briefly feared to have made a mistake; maybe he was talking gibberish to them or Snot alarmed them; but the Goblin ignored the following attempts for attention of the farmer and asked. “What do you want, citizen? It is clear we are busy.” 

Despite the repelling words he sounded friendly and Don Idmee suspected he was using him in turn as a welcome distraction to let the farmer calm down. Unbothered he answered. “It’s no big issue, really and in truth a little embarrassing. You see my companion and I got lost in the forest, so could you please point us to the nearest city?”

“What have you been doing in the forest?” wanted the thrice cursed human guard to know. To his horror Snot answered.

“We have been scouting!”

“Scouting?” frowned the Goblin. “Why would you scout the forest? Unless…”

“We were looking for monsters! We wanted to collect bounties!” Interjected Don Idmee quickly and threw a stern glance toward Snot before he could say more. He had hoped to dissuade their suspicion but had quite the opposite effect. 

“Oh boy, he’s one of those guys, Grakschnok. Watch your back.” mumbled the human guard to the goblin whose stare became even more skeptical. He never Don let Idmee out of his sight when he responded. 

“Thank you for pointing out but there is no prove, yet. You, human, don’t forget the law forbids any unsanctioned killings of sentients or beasts. Taking care of such threats is strictly the responsibility of the agents of the Sorcerer Kingdom. If I get note that you unlawfully hurt someone…”

Don Idmee had no idea what the Sorcerer Kingdom was since there had been no such place in Yggdrasil but at least he had confirmed he had indeed landed on a foreign world and not some remote patch of the Yggdrasil server. Basically as naked as Don Idmee was compared to when wearing his armor he didn’t want to provoke the guards into attacking him. Even if their gear was abysmal he had no idea how strong they were or if Snot would use any sense when applying his own strength so he quickly said. “We understand! We do and really, what have we been thinking? We against a real monster? I must have been so drunk! Can you imagine it, Snot, me facing off against a real monster?”

“Sir, Ye-”

He clammed his hand over Snots mouths and hastily pointed out. “Don’t mind my friend. He is ‘special’ and his words should be taken in that context.”

“That I believe.” scratched the farmer his head but the goblin’s stare stayed intensely focused on him till his human comrade leaned over and said. 

“Let them go, Grakschnok. He’s just some dandy with too much time who had a bad idea. Just look at the clothes and the sword. As clean and new it looks I bet it hasn’t been used once in combat and the little one’s just a vegetable. They are harmless.”

At last the goblin exhaled deeply and rubbed tiredly his eyes before pointing down the road. “Half a day’s marsh in that direction is the harbor city Taracona. You can try your luck with a ship there or a post carriage if you have money. I don’t know where you’re headed for and I honestly don’t really care anymore.” 

“Thank you, too kind of you, don’t know what I would have done without you, that was awfully decent of you, maybe we’ll see again, bye bye.” Shoved he Snot back to road and winked with his friendliest of smiles to them while he walked away with the speed of a Prussian marching to the latrine. 

When he was finally sure they had turned back to their own issues he calmed down at last. His first contact with the natives had ended well, even if just, and he had first information to contemplate. It seemed he was in a kingdom, the Sorcerer One, implying it was either ruled by one or that sorcerers played at least a prominent role in the state. Further more it seemed to be well organized with ministries and armed forces, even special ones by the sound of it. They were also fairly near the sea or a large body of water if the city, Taracona, kept a harbor.

Yet before he made any considerations about his following steps he to establish a foundation for all future action. “Snot?”

“Sir?”

“In the future don’t speak, except when spoken to or in my sole company.”

“Sir, yes, Sir!” saluted Snot quickly and kept on marching untroubled and apparently not the slightest bit hurt by his order. Despite having kept his eccentric company for several hours Don Idmee was still baffled by his cold shouldered innocent and even a little bit jealous how the amphibian shrugged everything off. He continued.

“When I don’t tell you otherwise you will always try to subdue opponents without killing them unless your own life is in serious danger.”

“Sir, yes, Sir! I will kill only when necessary! Now it’s clubbing time!”

“Right…” 

He waited if his squire had any questions. Of course he was perfectly content with his orders and so kept happily walking in silence. It gave Don Idmee the idea for another important order making him start to feel like he was programming Snot’s pure mind.

“When I give you an order I want you to think carefully about it and consider if it could lead to problems for me or you. You will tell me when you think it is necessary.”

“Sir, why do I have to subdue, Sir?” asked Snot at once. “If we kill our opponents we have more to eat and they won’t come back.” The coldblooded question startled him but he quickly reminded himself he knew that Snot thought different to him and till now he had hurt no one, so it was good he asked.

“If we kill our opponents, Snot, we are taking the chance of making their friends really angry. Those angry friends could then also attack us. This is why we should try to avoid killing. Also, if we acquire a reputation for always killing our opponents they will fight even harder for their life and will be less likely to offer us any mercy in turn. Killing our opponent should always be the last choice. Do you understand me, Snot? This is really important to me and it should be to you if you want to become a knight.”

Reminding him of his training was a dirty trick on his part and he was fully aware he never lived this ideal himself in Yggdrasil but Don Idmee was no longer his escape from real life, he was his real life. He could no longer treat others as game pieces and hence so couldn’t Snot. Luckily Snot nodded solemnly and vowed. “Sir, I swear by my honor as a squire I will always keep it close at heart, Sir”

“Excellent!” clapped Don Idmee satisfied Snots shoulder. “Now that is clear I should give you some lessons on civilized interaction while we walk.” He had no idea if any of the customs and values of his home held weight in this world or if they were even offensive but he reasoned that any etiquette would be better than no etiquette and it was a good chance to improve his toadish.

Dawn wasn’t far away when they reached Taracona. Calling it a city was a stretch in Don Idmee’s mind who came fresh from an Earth with over 23 Billion humans. The hab tower he grew up in had probably more people living in it than Taracona but it had a city wall and a castle or fort dominating it from the center. They slipped in without drawing attention between the hustle of leaving merchants and returning workers. It reminded him heavily of Yggdrasil seeing all the humans and non-humans live and talk between half-timbered houses.

Despite his first impression of a dark age the city was quite modern. He saw drains set in the paved roads, many public water supplies and even street lights blink magically on as the shadows grew longer. Strangely despite all that happened on this long day he didn’t feel tired enough yet to sleep so he wasn’t worried about where he would spent the night. 

“Excuse me, can you please me point me where a man can have a good time?” asked he the next best passerby and promptly received a friendly.

“You want to go to the harbor. Have fun for me.” before he walked on. Don Idmee was exhilarated. Asking a complete strangers in the mega-cities of his home had been almost unthinkable. People rather asked their apps for help than each other and no one ever thought of stopping on the smog filled streets for a chat. 

They followed the advice and soon stood at the pier watching the setting sun and the last fishermen prepare their boats for the coming day. “Have you ever seen such a sight? Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Sir, both yes, Sir!”

“No Snot I’m talking about the scenery, the panorama- just forget it.” Slumped Don Idmee together as the moment was lost. Thankfully he spotted another point of interest, a crowd, before he could let himself be consumed by agony over his blunt squire. Mostly men in worker’s garb and the odd uniform and a few women were cheering and booing in a wide but tight circle. 

Suspecting a fight of sorts he became instantly curious and stalked closer. PvP, player vs player combat, had always been his favorite part of Yggdrasil. A npc boss could be scales stronger and tougher than any human player with attacks capable of wiping entire parties but the appeal of such an achievement paled to the satisfaction to have proven superior to another human being when given the same tools. All the ambition he had lacked in real life had expressed ten times in his Yggdrasil game-play. Competition, one man against another, drew him like a moth.

He admitted himself he wasn’t squeamish when he forced his way to the front making sure Snot could follow. He witnessed indeed a fight. Two men were boxing bare handed and showed it. One was a bare chested dwarf with a face so swollen and beard so blood drenched it was hard to make out any details. His opponent was a buzzheaded young human man of about 20 to 25 years. His also bare chested body was heavily defined but lean and a cocky smirk spread on his broad face that spotted only a minor scratch while his horny knuckles were baked with blood. The fight looked very brutal but the presence of a third man in the ring watching them from some distance proved it was a well defined sports event. 

The man grinned even wider when the struggling dwarf tried to rise to a full stand.

“Good evening, can you fill me in? What are the rules?” “Only fists, no hits below the navel, no grabs and don’t hit a downed man!” shouted a friendly man close by for his open addressed question. 

Ultimately the dwarf failed to rise again and dropped to his knee. The third man shook at once a hand bell and roared to the audience. “Out! Ladies and Gentlemen we have a winner! Our champion Jarkav the Flash Ramzalaz defends his title once again for the 21 first time! All cheer for the champion! We also thank his opponent for allowing us seeing this great fight. Also a cheer for Diggin Uppercut Dorin!” The people yowled and applauded readily for both when they weren’t busy throwing away paper pieces Don Idmee suspected were bet tokens. The referee and moderator let them have their fun for a time before calming them down and speaking. “The evening is far from over, ladies and gentlemen. All we need for another round of sportsmanship,” he provoked a loud cheer with a fist pump, “another grind of grid”, and did again, “another shot of excitement!” and again. “Is another challenger willing to match his fist and chin with the champion. Is there somebody among us who is willing to face that challenge? For Glory, for gold and for friendship to the sport?” 

“I will!” said Don Idmee right after and stepped into the ring before anyone could steal the opportunity. Thankfully Snot stayed behind. The moderator didn’t seem to have expected such a quick response to his plight but quickly collected his wits and moved to meet him halfway. 

“And we have a participant! The evening is saved! Good day and thank you for spreading the spirit of sports. What’s your name, mister?” said he with a hearty handshake.

“My name is Don.”

“Don, please give our audience a minute of your person before we start the fight You are not from here I suspect so what brings you here on this wonderful evening?”

“Actually I got a little bit lost and am learning the city.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have got us a newbie! An extra round of applause for showing so much courage on his first day in our city.” The audience complied charmed and when they subsided again asked him. “You are familiar with the rules?” He nodded. “Good, then take off your shirt and get ready to start.”

Jarkav shook his head derogatory and taunted. “Really brave for an old man to enter the ring. Sure you have some tooth left to punch out?”

The taunt pearled impotently off him and he confidently bantered “I am only old because I was busy treating your mom.” while he pulled off the shirt from his hairy body. When he looked up again to Jarkav he concluded he overstepped a social taboo; with banners, trumpets, muddy boots and the wrong flag judging by the deathly silent crowd and Jarkav’s pounding vein. He made another mental note to keep aware he no longer passed in the anonymity of the internet. He had fallen in a bad habit when the adrenalin of the coming fight washed away his inhibition. He had been only rarely a sour loser but always enjoyed the trash talks for their sheer absurdity. Some played happily along while others missed the humor altogether. In the future he would count all natives to the latter group, just to stay on the safe side. 

“You will suffer.” Frothed Jarkav with grinding teeth. Even the referee appeared shocked and shook his head disappointed while he took his designated place. “And your position is laughable. You are just an old loser with no manners and skill””

Don Idmee looked down his body. He held his arms before his chest and didn’t stand heel to heel. “Seems sufficient to me.”

“You will beg to die! You will beg, you arrogant relic!” exploded Jarkav and only held back due to a severe glance of the referee. Luckily the last bets had been placed and the referee raised his bell, signaling the beginning of the fight. While Jarkav stared with boiling hatred at him Don Idmee didn’t feel hostile at all but instead deeply amused.

He carefully watched Jarkav’s entire body tense, preparing to uncoil at a thought’s notice toward the point his bloodshot eyes focused. His opponent was obviously prepared to heavily harm him. Maybe he would even risk his death. Don Idmee was not. He didn’t know yet the bounds of his strength and how it would react to a living target. He had to be especially careful if he wanted to avoid his opponent dying even with just one attack,

So he hit his shoulder with his weak hand when the bell rung before Jarkav could move a single muscle and it proved a most wise choice. He could feel in his fist all of the shoulder supporting bones break and the connected flesh bounce away from him as a liquefied mass barely held together by the skin. Jarkav hit the ground 4 meters from where he had been standing, almost instantly unconscious from shock.

For a second Don Idmee and the audience admired speechlessly his fist and then they broke into an ear-piercing cheer while two women and a priest rushed to Jarkav. The referee barely got to declare him the winner before the crowd rushed in to congratulate him. Men, women, fishmen, catmen and a goblin couldn’t wait to get their turn to speak to him a few words or maybe even touch him. Someone pushed a small pouch filled with coins in his hand, another a bouquet of flowers while a third knotted his dropped shirt like a cape around his neck. He had an all around good time and didn’t even feel a little bit sad when they finally dispersed and the organizers with them.

He winked glowing after the last to leave and mused to Snot at his side. “A knight should always be proud of his achievements and earnings when rightfully and with skill claimed. To deny one’s pride is to deny one’s soul as long as pride does not guide one.”

“Sir, yes, Sir!”

“You understood what I said?”

“Sir, yes, Sir!”

“Oh.” marveled Don Idmee pleasantly surprised. “That is good to hear, Snot. You wisdom earns you honor, my squire.” praised he and Snot broke into a wide grin. Don Idmee could have imagined a waggling tail on his back when he beamed.

“Sir, thank you, Sir! You also earned glory with your kill!”

Don Idmee already heard the shards of the pleasant moment shatter on the pavement. He admitted he was afraid of the answer when he probed. “My kill? Snot, what are you talking about? My gent of an opponent was fine. You saw the medics run for him.”

Snot shook his head to his horror. “Sir, no, Sir! The priest confirmed death. I watched your enemy the whole time for cowardly behavior, Sir.”

Did Snot add anything? The white noise that pressed into his head drowned everything out as he processed. He had killed a man, a real person, another human just like himself! How could he do something so stupid? His life was over! The authorities would hunt him for murder and sent their police equivalent after him. Even if he could fend off those they would just send stronger bounty hunters and after them even stronger ones and even even stronger ones after those till they would have finally caught or killed him! The rest of his likely short life he would be on the run! He would never sleep easily because they could find him any time! He would have to be afraid whenever he tried to speak with another person of being discovered and called! He could never settle down or start a normal job – who would hire a murderer and just how long would it take his bailiffs to find him? What the hell did he do to deserve such a mean streak of fate! It wasn’t his fault he was so strong and he he explicitly tried to avoid killing his foe! Didn’t he even say in turn he wanted to kill Don Idmee? What would that even matter? He didn’t even get to throw one punch, no jury would ever deem that threat valid when spoken before a sporting fist fight. That wouldn’t save him and he was still screwed. Screwed, screwed, screwed screwed, screwed, screwed, screwed, screwed, screwed, screwed, screwed,... screwed… … screwed … … … screwed … 

“Meanest left I ever saw, buddy!” felt he suddenly a large furry hand on his shoulder. Flabbergasted he turned his head and saw an upright muscular cat towering over two heads over him grin. “Can’t wait to tell guard commander Silcero about it. He’ll want to see your next fight.” The strangest part was the cat wearing a leather armor that looked just the same as the ones the guards in the city wore. The cat gave him a last final clap on the shoulder and left while murmuring to itself “..never seen something like that before… what a fighter… so excited!”

Did a guard just approve of his murder?

“Hoooray! Sir Don Idmee earned even more glory!” danced Snot awkwardly but happily at his side.

“Snot?”

“Sir?”

“Please be quiet.”

“Sir, yes, Sir!”

As the sun was already touching the horizon he decided to find a bar or tavern. He just easily earned a first example of the local currency and reasoned it would be a good chance to get a feeling for the value of the coins. He also had a hard day. 

Some of the previous viewers cheered for him as he trudged to the most frequented bar he could see along the pier. The building was relatively new with two upper levels he suspected were reserved either for sleeping quarters or whores. He didn’t get to wonder long how free willed his choice had been as a loud wall of cheers hit him just moments after pushing in the entrance door. Several dozen tables and separates at the edge were arranged in an open room supported by sturdy wood pillars. Almost every place was taken by mostly humans but also the odd demi-human and only the long bar dominating the center of the room with two stairs to its side offered some last free stools.

He headed for the outermost free pair he could spot and had to work hard on his discipline to not cringe at every praise for the fight on the way there and keep up at least a neutral face. The smirk of the portly bartender with the receding hair line behind the counter faltered when they took place. “You look terribly pale, buddy. Are you alright?”

“Two beer, please” Ignored Don Idmee the question. He was busy himself listening to gossiping patrons as they made haste to tell everyone still ignorant what just had happened in the ring. ‘Have you seen it?’ , ‘Did you hear’, ‘I was there’, “It’s the truth’, ‘Unbelievable’, ‘A new super talent’, ‘Knocked him cold’, ‘Will go far.’ “But looks like a dolt.” Anger strangled his throat like any real man’s grip as he struggled to accept the seemingly unending happiness that spread with the news. He couldn’t bear it. “HOW CAN YOU FORGET I KILLED A MAN!” roared he to the stunned hall.

“And he only needed to hit his shoulder!” spoke someone to his right, a lanky sailor with bratwurst skin.

“One straight punch like lightning!” added someone further away, a maid.

“And he flew through the air.” said an adoring high voice, a laughing jumping girl on hopefully her mother’s lap.

“And he used only his left!”

“The devil’s left!”

“THE DEVIL’S LEFT!” joined in all the room in yet another loud cheer that made the glass swing.

Don Idmee buried his head broken on the counter completely at loss how he should feel about the roaring applause for his terrible crime. All his education and previous life had taught him murder was evil and human death to be avoided at all cost! The message of the media and all society had been clear and consistent. Attempt or do murder and your life is over. You will be punished in the end. Here he was a sensation, the local hero of the day. Somehow it was perfectly acceptable to the people to risk death in a sports event and shrug it off like the weather. Could he really just turn back his moral compass 2 Millennia to the roman age? He couldn’t just forget a life where media offered a constant review of the past and where education arrogantly studied every mistake made in mankind’s history from the safe heights of We-Told-You-Tower, could he? Should he?

Two beer jugs landed right before his nose with a soft clink. As if by magic they moved apart to reveal the bartender consider him with a raised brow. “Buddy, I can tell you have a story to tell.”

“Please... Leave me alone!” pleaded he mentally exhausted. 

“In a moment buddy.” Blinked the man and used his thick arms to easily lift Don Idmee back in an upright, if still slack, position. “No worries, I ain’t asking to hear your’s but you’ll hear mine.”

“Why…? Nobody here seems to care for a their fellow people.” 

“Oh by the throne, how can someone so strong be such a wimp?” Rolled the man clearly irritated his eyes but remained to speak. “Listen, I can tell you come from a quite sheltered home, even dare say somewhere south, so maybe you missed on a bit of recent history in your ivory tower. Some of these people have seen more shit in the last 20 years than veterans in other countries. They have survived the beastmen invasion 18 years ago where the demi-humans literally ate Thousands of their friends and family. They must have somehow wiggled through the spiritual liberation by the Faceless One 15 years ago and the civil war 2 years after when we thankfully joined the Sorcerer Kingdom. Death has been accepted as normal in the collective memory of the Roble Holy Kingdom. That applied also to Jarkav.”

“How would you know that? And ivory tower? I beg to differ.”

“Jarkav was a friend. A very good one.” Turned the man deathly serious. “But he was aware of the risk and accepted it for himself and for his opponents.” 

“That’s a nice way to say he got what he deserved but I think I get what you mean. 

“I have another tip if you want to hear.”

“Shoot.”

“Enjoy you remaining time.” The bartender didn’t switch to a joking smirk and leaned forward to him now that he was certain he had his full attention. He whispered “The Sorcerer Kingdom keeps a tight watch on all exceptional individuals on its ground. It always has openings for those who want to stay here.” He blinked and Don Idmee got the bad idea he was talking about forced conscription. “Heard it doesn’t take long before they come knocking on your door. So what can I do for you?” Finished he as he leaned back.

“Two more beer, please.” Set Don Idmee his jug down and took a deep breath. The bartender had wisely prepared two more and switched them with his and Snot’s empty one.

“Here you go. Anything else I can do for you?”

“Yeah, tell me why you are so awfully nice to me. I’m not complaining but one does wonder.” Answered he and watched for any sign of stress in the bartender’s eyes. The man just shrugged not the slightest intimidated.

“Why would I be nice? Of course cause it’s good to have powerful friends and it’s also good to have a quiet home.”

“Get concrete, I don’t get prose.” urged he him seriously as he set his light jug down and ordered with two fingers two more.

“I could tell.” Snarked the man while he pumped two new jugs. “So again for the down to earth folk: don’t stir up trouble in our city. We’ve had a good life on the Sorcerer Kingdom’s good side. We don’t want to meet the other, even as guests.” The bartender didn’t as he first expected threaten him. He pleaded. With all the desperate courage a powerless nobody could muster when he met the chance to avert a great disaster. But he wasn’t afraid of him. He was frightened by those who would come for him and his intuition told him he was barely less frightened of those who might be already listening in. 

He set the new jugs down. “How about you mime the bard and sing me a story? I haven’t been paid yet for playing nanny.”

What would he tell him? Don Idmee had thought about quite a lot answers for when that question would come in one way or another. After he quickly dropped his first idea of ‘Glorious Prince from Far Far Away’ he evaluated the merits of plan ‘Rising Star-Adventurer’, ‘Heard that, been there-Merchant’ and ‘Nobody with too much money’. He decided on the last but he couldn’t just recite his whole ‘life story’ for the man, that would have been suspicious. Instead he stalled. “Again with the details, Mister Willtel Myname.”

“Its Mariette.” 

“Really? Oh well, that’s life. Where was I? ‘Again with the details, Mister Mariette!’ Intoned Don Idmee dramatically and saw by Mariette’s smirk he got the drift. He asked, while he worked on a larger order. 

“Obviously where have you become so strong?”

“I honestly, swear to god, have no clue. It was the first time I used it.”

“If you don’t want to tell…”

“It’s true. Come on, give me two of those, you have enough and I nothing and look at me! Can those eyes lie? Do you think I am capable of something like that?” Tried he to convince him of his sincerity and even leaned forward over the counter so he could see better. Since he reacted rather restraint to his familiarity he returned to his stool. “I am sitting right before you, you, you see me. I don’t lie.”

Mariette eyed him warily for a moment while he blew off the fresh foam from his jug and concluded finally. “Aye, you’re too purebred to lie, I see it. Two more?”

“Yes! Please.”

“So you’re some kind of miracle? What now? Are you planning any heroics?”

“Brrrrssssss” huffed Don Idmee as he accepted his order. The idea was so absurd he was paralyzed for a minute by uncontrolled chuckling before he could set straight. “I’m no hero. I got enough problems for me and Snot! So many problems…” He took a swig. “I have to build up a whooooole new life… I have to integrate in the local society but am all new… But you are the first friendly person I’ve met Mariette! Just wanted you to know that… I have to catch up on politics … I should probably get a job, although, I have job or class, sort of. Not important. … Anyway…” It felt good to dump this on poor Mariette. “My student is a wonderboy.” “Sir, thank you, Sir!” “And don’t get me started on my wife. Oh bless you Mariette, you are a gem among pebbles!” Accepted he fresh beverages.

“Do you also want to try our house brand? A pure and clear weed schnapps. I will drink one myself.” Offered Mariette and Don Idmee saw no reason why he should stop when had, he settled on, a number of beer jugs already and merrily said.

“Make that two.”

Mariette obliged and gave him two schnapps; Snot too. “Cheers!” cleared they all glasses at once and Don Idmee sucked the pure burning fumes from his mouth into his nose before exhaling satisfied. “Mariette, my friend, I’m having a wonderful time! I haven’t even paid one order yet. Wait. Just give me a moment and I will set us even before the next round.” He didn’t want to risk leaving good Mariette with an unpaid bill should something happen to him and was about to look for some larger coins but the Bartender stopped him. 

“Don’t worry. The bill’s taken care of. The lady’s paying.” Pointed Mariette to the place next to him.”

“Honey.” winked Astrid with a taunting brow.

“Wuhaa!!!” screamed Don Idmee as recoiled from her and fell off his stool. Even as he fell his poor brain tried to grasp how he could have missed her. Had it been some kind of illusion? He knew of several Illusion spells among her repertoire of 300 that could have achieved such a feat. He also cursed the lack of his helm even if the bonus to perception had been nothing to write home about and just a side effect of one of the enchantments but most of all he missed the anonymity it would have offered. Snot meanwhile staid glued to his stool and jug and watched without seemingly any intention of intervening. He must had evaluated the danger of him falling a meter as negligible. Don Idmee noted on the bright side he didn’t feel disappointed. That was progress, right?

“Darling! You! Here! I don’t know what to say! I’m saying words and more words but I have no content for them and all that comes out is really just bla bla bla.” spoke he with brain capacity reserving haste as he jumped up again to his place before she could move to help him.

He must had miss-judged for she watched him amused with slit for eyes while she leaned on the counter with a fist to her head and still managed to look stunning. She must had felt demonic joy watching him squirm in anticipation for any trick she might try when she took her time to finish her schnapps. “I’ve missed you.”

“I dodged.” Was his automatic response before he could even consider thinking about his words and now he cursed his big mouth instead of thinking of a good excuse. What was wrong with him? Should he just say it?. “But not you, Darling!” Added he hastily and reached for her hands but made sure to keep them strictly between them. “I was overwhelmed with the whole situation. Coming to this place, speaking for the first time to Snot and you, the fantastic food and then the prospect of finally making sweet, tender love with you was just too much.”

She laughed, endearing so he had to admit, and playfully hit his chest. “Honey, you’re such a romantic! And I was just looking for a quick rut. I’m the worst.” Don Idmee hoped his smile didn’t falter when she put him in the role of the softy in their ‘engagement’ but she gave no sign having noticed and turned to Mariette. “Two more Schnapps, please.” before returning to him and seamlessly continue. “But I didn’t want to scare you. Of course we can start slower and take our time. We’ll place some candles, open up a good bottle of wine…” 

He didn’t follow anymore as he watched from the corner of his eyes Mariette blink confused and form some silent questions with his mouth. If he read him right it was something along the line of ‘What the hell? What just happened?’ and then he spotted Astrid and became stiff and serious. Don Idmee was sure she must had used some kind of spell or illusion on him. Maybe [Charm] or [Disguise Self]? Those were very low level spells but would have easily enabled Astrid her little stunt which still managed to hit behind all his defenses. Suddenly he felt very inadequate as a warrior. Yes he was ridiculously strong and fast but at the end of day he was still just a guy hitting with a stick and in that moment he wished he had picked a magic caster instead. 

“...And after a quick sheet change we’ll cuddle. I know you’ll love it, Honey.” finished Astrid.

“U-hu, then it’s settled.” Said he quickly before she could notice he hadn’t listened at all. Mariette was already pointing his colleagues to Astrid and those more of the patrons. They were starting to get an awful lot of attention and he didn’t feel comfortable about it one bit. Not after what Mariette just told him.”But darling for reasons I will show you later we should relocate to a more private location.”

“Toilet cabin?”

“What? No! Stop thinking with your- Just listen for a moment, okay? Darling?” He felt the hairs on his back rise as the 2nd big news of the evening spread in the bar. Would there even be a point of leaving when he had finally reached the single minded psycho opposite him? Said psycho used the moment to demonstratively sweep her eyes left and right before comfortably setting on him again. She was already aware! And she enjoyed it!

“Your drinks, Lady. Cheers and might I be as impolite as asking how you know this man?” Asked Mariette as he served her order. Astrid grazed him with her attention causing several men and women near him to buckle and turn weak kneed. He earned a big check of respect in Don Idmee’s book for the courage of asking.

Astrid presented a brilliant smile and said. “He is my husband.”

Mariette laughed, his neighbors laughed, they all laughed and Don Idmee had no idea why it was funny. Why couldn’t he have a gorgeous wife like Astrid? He was damn handsome himself, wasn’t he? Even if they didn’t know about his reputation in Yggdrasil they must had surely noticed the confidence in his stride, his warrior’s aura! He was the big fish in their pitiful puddle, who could have been more likely than him? At least his dear Snot stood with him and did not laugh when Astrid was the loudest of them all and confided.

“I know! Hard to believe but it’s true!” 

The laughter died uncomfortably quickly down.

“Why?” Asked a woman from the backseats.

He was wondering himself or rather what she would come up with. Would it be what she truly believed? She rubbed his hand and as he looked up he glanced her chewing her lip while her eyes consumed him. “He’s a good guy and I’ve had a look of his good sides. A very good. Long. Stare-”

“We should go.” grabbed he her hand firmer and pulled her from her seat. He threw his squire his prize money “Pay the man, Snot!”, not waiting for a reply. The crowd cheered again, of course it did, and he received too many not at all welcomed claps on the shoulder on his way out. The people made haste to move tables and stools out of their way and form an honor alley with crossed jugs for swords. It was incredibly embarrassing and he swore he would never mention it again when retelling the story. 

He took a swift look around when they left the building but saw every near convenient spot for talking occupied while he needed privacy. Pressured he headed down the pier street hoping he’d soon find a secluded corner. The problem: there were people everywhere. People talking by a candle light, people cajoling in the bars’ outdoor seats and people emptying in every crook he spotted. Taracona apparently had a brimming night life and the harbor seemed to be its hub. He agreed that the open sea under the clear night sky with its rising moon made for a welcoming scenery that simply offered to take off half an hour and enjoy a chat and a drink, have some good life, but why couldn’t it have rained today? He would have preferred a thorough down pour to the flood of disrespect he had today. 

Don Idmee banished the longing from his thoughts. he had no time do waste even if he so longed for some rest after the stressful day. Thankfully Astrid had the conscience of mind not to bother him with questions or complains till they reached their yet open goal. 

The end of the pier and the city wall behind came in sight while he failed to spot a single decent hideaway. Hi didn’t want to go deeper into the city where they could be surrounded. Here they were perhaps backed to the sea but at least they couldn’t be surprised so easily from behind and he felt confident he could easily jump the 10 meter high wall in one leap. Out of options he headed down a set of stairs down to sea level where a forgotten paddle boat was towed. It didn’t feel secure with the open sea right next to them but at least they were out of sight of the people. He turned around to Astrid. “What were you thinking!”

He had barely finished when she pinned him with a knee on the wall in place and pressed on him. “Riding, grinding, sucking, licking, kissing, swallowing.” Chuckled she and turned his angry response into a weak moan when she licked from his lucky bone up to his earlobe. “I know I was naughty.” There wasn’t the tiniest part of shame in her admission and it turned him on against all logic. He should have been angry! Was he really so weak willed? “But I’ll make up for it.”

“Not even a promise of never again?” squeaked he low and had expected to roar!

“Nu-Hu”. Rubbed Astrid her nose against his while grinning full of schadenfreude. Her hands wandered from his shoulders slowly distal till they found his fingers and intertwined with them. “Honey, you wouldn’t want me any other way.” He really would have. Don Idmee would have sold his soul for just one servant who was actually serving him, in both intent and effect, and didn’t poke one way or the other at him. He should have told Astrid just that. Constructive openness was supposed to be part of a healthy marriage he probably read once. 

But that would have risked her going off him, made her stop pressing her wonderful soft breasts to his chest and take off the reassuring weight she placed on him. He would miss the heat they were trapping between them and the pleasant jolts running to his spine every time she shifted her fingers between his. How could any man have done so when her stars reflecting eyes devoted all her attention on him? Who would have denied the glorious prove of excellence by her lips as she pressed closer for a kiss?

He pulled free of her grasp only to pull her whole body closer to his as she must not leave. He sensed her hands trail down his back till they stopped in his pants just before he felt through the fabric their swords cross. He hadn’t even thought of it anymore and was about to recoil but Astrid grasped his butt firmer stopping him from acting upon it. She held his gaze as she went on the offensive in her tongue game and held him the first awkward moments when his own throbbing member scraped against hers. He could faintly feel her pulse as he glided up her length and they both rxperienced a brief firework in their nerves when their glands touched for her tongue shuddered in that very moment.

A distant voice wondered why he was making out with her when she just humiliated him, had he no self esteem? But then he sucked in Astrid’s fumes again and they reduced him to apish instinct. One of his hands traveled from her back to under her raised leg and pushed her pantie aside. His finger briefly followed the perfect circle of her sphincter before switching to the slick folds of her clam. 

At last he earned a small victory: Astrid broke their kiss to rest her forehead against his and breath excitedly when he started to play with her labia. When he caressed them she would chuckle and whimper. When he rubbed them together she would moan harder as he applied more force and when he finally pushed in a first finger in her hot temple she almost collapsed on him but Astrid quickly caught herself and pressed for another wild kiss while her hand secured his in place. On her urging he pushed in a second finger and began under her touch’s guidance to slowly massage her tense folds. He became aware of a cool first drop on his on tip when he marveled at Astrid’s juices dripping from his fingers. They became so slippy it turned hard to hold on to her as she ground her hip on his hand ever wilder. 

Finally fed up with it he turned her around to the wall with one hand one her butt easily supporting her weight while he balanced in a broad stance. Astrid understood at once and jumped up to link her legs around his hip and sling one arm around his neck, more for holding him close he was sure than any more stability. He pulled at her underwear, she at his pants and both just enough to get hold of the other’s desired tool. 

Don Idmee felt butterflies and hornets buzz in his gut when she touched again his penis and heaved herself over it. She grinned at him like a six year old on her birthday. “Honey, I’m gonna rock your world. Your on the count, this is it.” Taunted she as she rubbed bis gland against her folds and made it just as slick. He also thought this was it as she while doing so also unavoidably pushed his member against her hairless smooth balls. This was the moment he would lose his virginity to a hermaphrodite. He could have had the perfect fairy tale if he hadn’t screwed up one point.

He hesitated as he asked himself if he would really go the mile. A chorus of imaginary strangers asked and eyed him him warily who she was and what she meant to him and he struggled to find courage to answer. He had never considered it or an adjusted transsexual as the closest comparison on old earth and it never had appeared in any expected future visions of Don Idmee. Could he be the man to live open about it cause he already knew he couldn’t live a deception. He was self-aware he had neither the talent nor the heart to come up every time with a degrading excuse.

Why? Cause it would have been unfair to the angel whose pussy juice dropping naked ass he was holding. What had she ever really done to him? She was giving him such a good time and he had forgotten for the moment any possible miss-deeds that might have happened, anyway. As she carved with his tip an ever tighter and deeper spiral on her entrance he was sure he could- he would be such a man. He would be proud of loving and accepting of Astrid just as she must already have been of him since she was willing to do something unbelievable with him. 

“I love you.” Breathed he as he signaled with a push of his hips he was ready. Her grin settled to a smug smirk and she gave him a quick peck before sliding him in. 

“Fuck me.”

When she sank down on him and he shuddered with eager thrill at each curve of her vagina his head discovered and pushed by he found true belonging and a deep trust, faith even, he had just crossed the last remaining inches to his life’s destiny. He had found god and she beamed at him like a miniature sun with the widest smile he could imagine on her beautiful face miracle.

She moved her hip and the beast whipping his heart thrust his waist so it could return to that perfect, that ultimate place. Pure joy spread after a relieved grunt and barely higher brain functions closely tied to addiction memory urged him to do so again! At once! 

He kept trusting and Astrid joined his rhythm with forceful hip shakes of her own just off phase enough in their slow starting dance his tip barely got to feel cool air. He couldn’t help but feel happy for her when her mouth’s corners always twitched as her lips stuck to his gland for the briefest wonderful second as he pushed and pulled past them and earned in turn even more happiness himself. It became meaningless to distinct between her lust and his. There was only their passion.

It was Don Idmee’s turn to demand a kiss but he began slow and tender just as his thrusts. His wiped memory started from scratch to patiently map every delicious spot of her mouth but this time missed the fear and insecurity of the first time and invited and offered her to do the same with him.   
He felt her hand softly cradle his face and opened his eyes just to be cuffed by her trusting stare. 

One taunting brow and his tongue challenged hers for dominance once more while his hips accelerated with each move. She was clever, deceptive and sensual in her attacks but he had learned from her and would play dirty just as she did. His hand stopped caressing her butt and moved his middle finger lower till he found her anus. It was his turn to wiggle his brow as he pushed past the initial resistance through her sphincter. Astrid didn’t blink an eye and provoked him instead with an expecting look. He slowly pushed deeper till he couldn’t go farther and began to slowly explore the inside of her ass. 

She loved every second of it. While he had hoped to distract her and win their tongue wrestling match he had only turned her wilder. Slinging two arms around his head she took total control of the ride. Astrid moved her whole body in powerful waves as she grinded like a loosend fire hose on his spear. She didn’t squeal or speak, Astrid grunted deep from her core when she conquered all of his mouth. It was downright scary, he was sure she was capable of anything in her state, but on the other side he felt immense pride to have gotten her to that point. Don Idmee couldn’t stop, he had to go farther.

Instead of being cowed he moved his finger wilder even as she in consequence seemingly accepted the risk of crushing their hip bones. When he found a chestnut sized bulge on her anterior side all hell broke loose.

“Yes! That spot!” screamed she with needle point eyes and pulled him into a tight head to head embrace while she lost all rhythm and opted instead for frenetic, desperate grinding. “Keep rubbing it, Honey! Don’t dare stop rubbing it! Oh Fuck!” Screamed she commanding curses in his ear while she forced his penis into a gravity cheating roller coaster and he agreed it was the best idea in the universe to obey. Under her skirt he felt her hard penis finally get loose of the taut pantie and slam against his bare skinned navel. The smear of pre-cum she left prickled like ice in the cool night air on his hot skin. 

She moaned, croaked, chirped, barked, meowed and screamed like a feral animal on him and then Astrid stopped. Hot cum hit his chest and all strength fled her limbs to head to her loin and grip him in a throbbing vice. What he first thought to be chortling turned out as relieved chuckling as she slowly lost her grip on him. She leaned dreamlike back and held so weakly on him he fearfully unplugged her ass and reached up to support and secure her back.

“Darling are you alright?” asked Don Idmee as she smirked hazy at him. A barest taint of wickedness appeared in her innocent smile and she leaned further back. He took it as the cue to lower her and made sure to keep his protecting arms between her and the dirty ground as they lay down. 

“Couldn’t be better.” Fondled she his cheek with a stupid grin.

“But you don’t act-”

“I. Am. Fine.” Interrupted she him with syllable punctuating thrusts before slower wriggling under him. “You’re not fine. Be a man.” His hips couldn’t resist the taunt. “And fuck me!” and he was already starting his fist pump before she had finished speaking. The spreading cheshire cat grin almost tore his face apart and Astrid fared barely better not even an inch apart as they found a new rhythm. They chuckled and puffed like kids who had discovered the funniest and best game in the world. 

“Ssplotch Slurp!”

They stopped surprised all they were doing, listening fearfully before they laughed relieved for they got it had been her juices squeezing out between him and her. All was well. She was still with him. He was still in her. He resumed their new favorite game with a fresh urge. The moment of uncertainty had reminded Don Idmee he hadn’t won yet although his addled mind couldn’t even tell what. In her hot, secure holds, closest near her as possible, he might have reached the goal but he still had to finish the mission. He needed to seal their declaration of love.

Don Idmee drilled in her like a mad man, pressing and pushing her tight insides at random but always as deep as his instincts controlled loins could manage. Inside her, deeper inside her, he had to reach so deep! His smile faded as he concentrated all mental resources on securing that one overarching goal. Astrid too turned from flushed to beet red as she watched him and her face strained under the onslaught of sensations. 

His alarms went to DEFCON 1 when she unlocked and spread her legs to allow him even deeper.  
“Breed me!” Demanded she while his tip was already tingling. “Fire your cum!” The tingling raced down his shaft as her hands buried in his buttocks and pulled him in. “Give me you load!” 

The tingling had been a burning lit that set off the explosives in his balls. He felt the pleasure wave race up his best friend like an over-boiled thermostat and when it broke free at the tip into Astrid the heat finally ignited his whole body. Don Idmee’s identity burned out into a pure warm white, reduced to one last thought ‘Victory!’.

‘Victory!’………………………………………………..‘Victory!’………………………………..‘Victory!’……………...‘Victory!’…...‘Victory!’…………………………………..‘Victory!’……………………….‘Victory!’…………………………..‘Victory!’…………………………………………….‘Victory!’…………………………………...‘Victory!’…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….‘Victory!’…………………………………………………………..‘Victory!’…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….‘Victory!’………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..‘Victory!’…………………………..‘Victory!’……………………………………………………………………..‘Victory!’‘Victory!’‘Victory!’‘Victory!’ 

Then he saw Astrid. She was close. They touched. All of their bodies. Her maid uniform against his hairy, sticky chest. Why was it- yes, he had a fist fight and some jackass thought it funny to give him a cape. And he was here why? 

That’s right, he just had sex with a hermaphrodite. Apparently in a dirty corner of the harbor after having some refreshments and it had been mind blowing. Never could he ever imagined as it but he had always hoped for a more private place for his first time and more romance. In hindsight it felt so cheap. He felt cheaper.

“Honey, post-coital depression is perfectly normal for men of you age.”

“What?” Had that been just another jab at him? “I just had a very emotional heavy experience. My soul just carved out a whole new nook to the universe and will never look into all life with the same old eyes! Darling, the most precious moment has passed after which I will finally find sleep’s oblivion!”

“The sex was nice.” Concluded Astrid with a quick peck on his cheek and pushed him off. He was still put off by how she could part so easily their wonderful union when she already waited with spread legs for his excess seed to drip out. “You’ve still got something there.” She pointed to her chin. He tasted for his own and quickly wiped away the sticky droplet he felt. She pointed in turn to her chest. “Aaaand here.”

He looked down and found all his manly wool as a sticky alien landscapes of clumped wet hairs over a flat pool of drying milk. “How can one woman fire…” cursed he as he began to wipe at hit making it unfortunately just a greater mess. 

She shrugged at his question and the last semen off and pulled up her pantie. “She doesn’t. - Honey, just pull the shirt over – And you shouldn’t talk. Compared to you I was harmless.” He didn’t feel comfortable one bit listening to her ranking his sexual feats. It wouldn’t matter what good she said when she would say one bad thing. He grew terrified of this moment and wished she would change the subject off such dangerous themes. 

“Darling, we should really leave.” suggested Don Idmee as he pulled his head through the hole in his shirt. “I’m quite sure you heard what Mariette told me about the authority. It is dangerous to linger here.”

She looked dumbstruck at him on the ground and then burst in a heart lifting hefty chuckle. Don Idmee was sure she was having fun at his expense again when she took quite her time to calm down but she said. “That’s the funniest thing you said today. ‘It is dangerous…’ Ha ha ha, when has ever that been a consideration. I get it.” And he believed her when she said warmly. “Knight, stud and bard – I got the whole package.”

All day he had waited for such a statement of confidence but now I worked against him. Didn’t she understand the risk they were in? A whole nation could be already searching for them and if they found them it could mean the end of any own dreams they ever had. He didn’t want to become some other guys soldier. Don Idmee wanted to make his own decisions, not serve an other’s ambitions. “I’m not joking! I am not making fun of you cause the matter is definitely not funny! We have to move!” pleaded he while pulling up his pants and rubbing the snot from his hands on them.

Astrid laughed just harder, begging him with tears in her eyes. “Please stop! I can’t take it. Your act is just too much, Honey.” and Don Idmee despaired. He couldn’t just sling her over his shoulder and walk out of town. That would get the last bit of attention they missed. But why wouldn’t she listen to him and open a [Gate] or another teleportation spell back to their home? Why wouldn’t she take him seriously? Why didn’t anyone apart from Snot take him seriously? The guards on the field, the viewers at his boxing match, the pleb in the tavern: Everyone just kept laughing at his expense or downright insulted him without any shame!

Even she picked at his self-esteem just seconds after they had shared the most intimate union. Had the whole world been mad since the beginning or did he leave all his charisma back on earth? 

Don Idmee had another of those moments, the ones where everything suddenly turned terribly clear. He had no charisma! He remembered an old in-game description from Yggdrasil that had been copied so many times before in gaming and role-playing history it had become the standard definition: ‘Charisma measures a character’s force of personality, force of will, persuasiveness, personal magnetism, ability to lead, and physical attractiveness. This ability represents actual strength of personality, not merely how one is perceived by others in a social setting…” and all that happened made sense. The disrespect, people reliably doing the opposite of what he wanted and his own insecurity. It fit all the theory and he had a guess on the reason.

“Darling, have you brought my armor?”

“Eh?” paused Astrid her laughter and dried off a tear.

“Please tell me you brought it with you!” 

She looked like she was about to say something nasty but then must have noticed the gravity in his voice. “Chill, I’ve got it right here.” said Astrid and produced as proof his helm from her inventory. All had gone done hill since he had taken it off and his hands reached out for it on their own in longing as soon as he saw it. His fingers touched the cool metal and his pounding heart calmed down instantly.

Now he was sure it had been the separation from his true skin that had weakened his soul. Don Idmee had no doubt it had been a side effect of his [Cursed Knight]-levels, the job-class that defined all of his character build. Cursed knights were forever bound to their armor and received significant boni when wearing it but they suffered in turn severe mali when separated. In-game the 30 % debuffs on strength and agility had been the most debilitating to him as a warrior but now in the new world where he had to interact with real people that seemed like a trifle. The complete loss of all charisma was ten times worse, a hundred times!

Don Idmee was aware of the problem. He would act accordingly. All would sort out. He placed the helm upon his head and instead of dulling his senses grew sharper. The chatter of the city, the chaotic whistling of the air, the farts of the fish. He heard it all just as he saw with perfect clarity from the corner of his eye Astrid focus him with a hungry look. “Hand me the rest, darling.” commanded his bidding. Naturally she opened her inventory at once and each of the many parts that made him up shot from the darkness to Don Idmee for they also were eager to join him again. Straps fastened themselves and screw turned on their own so they would at last become one and only a few eye blinks later he stood again as the mighty black knight that had left Yggdrasil. 

Anticipating she stood ready to hand him Crown of Thorns and Zorn. He vowed he would keep her save with them and proudly saw her smirk grow a little bit wider when she read him right. 

“Ready to face that big scary world?” Teased she playfully as he briefly tested Zorn before placing it back in his scabbard. They both knew the taunt had been said in good nature. The thing was there was still something missing.

“Actually…” Responded Don Idmee and pulled her close in his embrace. He loved how the blush spread on her cheeks and she laughed while she stared right through the helm in his eyes.

“How could I forget?” Chuckled Astrid and lifted his helm just enough to give a tender and slow kiss. They took their time to enjoy it despite all previous talk of haste and when she finally led his helm glide down again he meant it when he said.

“Now I’m ready.”

He picked her up bridal style and warned her while he climbed up the first steps. “I expect you on your best behavior.” 

“When have I ever not.” Cuddled she against his chest without any sign of being intimated. 

His head had barely reached over the pier edge when a booming chorus of cheers and hoorays slammed against it. It looked like all the tavern patrons had gathered and brought their families along because they thought the crowd wasn’t already large enough. Astrid winked to the peope with a gracious smile while they looked awestruck at them. Grown men wept at his passing, women passed out and others crowded them as mob screaming delight but Don Idmee stood above their hysterical emotions as a rock in a foaming sea. 

Secure in the knowledge they would make way he put down one long stride after another till he stood before the leader of the mass. A gnarly old man in well used guard armor waited for him with sparking eyes while the cat man who congratulated Don Idmee earlier whispered in his ears and pointed excitedly at him. 

He let Astrid finish signing a fat guys tits before he applied one glance and the frothing fans recoiled from them giving him ample space to carefully set down Astrid. He kept her close with his hand on her hip and demanded answers from the old man with a single pointed finger. 

The guard commander Silcero, as Don Idmee presumed, swallowed and wiped at the sweat on his forehead with his arm before declaring. “In the name of the Sorcerer King Ainz Ooal Gown...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for joining in again and reaching the bottom :) . 
> 
> I hope you could tell I had a lot of fun writing the chapter. It’s the first time I wrote a lemon and I am very interested how you liked it or not. I also hoped I managed to portray Don Idmee as a very distinct character from most oc-player-mains. I thought a [Human]-player should also act very human :) He’s Ainz in no way better off mirror ^^ and I admit I enjoyed making him suffer.
> 
> Leave a review, till next time with Ainz.


	3. Maybe tommorrow?

“… I ask you to follow me to the city barracks.”

Silcero saw the black knight tense and his hand tightened its grip on his sword hilt. He knew basically nothing about him aside from Togger’s story how he defeated Taracona’s best fist fighter with one punch but he felt he was dangerous, extremely so.

“And if I don’t want to come?” Asked the knight and although he didn’t shift one muscle while speaking Silcero felt an ice cold shower trickle down his back and all his battle instinct shift to high alert. His legs trembled as his nerves struggled with their intention of sprinting away. He wanted to be as far away as possible from this man, somewhere he would never draw his attention again.

But leaving meant abandoning his post, admitting another might be better suited for the position and possibly drawing an investigation by the Sorcerer Kingdom. He remembered the plenty stories of men of power in the kingdom who used the in them invested might for their own ends and it never ended well for them. What would they find in his closet? Accepting the occasional bribe was part of the job everywhere, common sense really, but he never heard of any servant of the king every accepting one. He doubted they would find any understanding in their merciless hearts. Bringing them here would only lead to disaster which was why he had to get the stranger off the streets as soon as possible. But he couldn’t brawn his way through the situation. If he didn’t want to cross swords with the warrior he had to be diplomatic. “Then you are free to leave, of course. I am merely inviting you for a friendly welcoming drink on behalf of the city.”

“So you’re not acting on direct orders of Ainz Ooal Gown.” His heart skipped a beat when heard the nonchalant way he spoke of the king and the Taraconans felt the same by the loos of it. If his agents even grew suspicious they could be missing friends already next morning!

“No! As commander of the guard I am far below his majesty’s notice. I am not worthy of such honor.” Silcero didn’t know how to interpret the knight’s grunt. This was pure stress to him. His heart was pounding like he was facing a wolf alone and barehanded and his eyes burned from the sweat trickling in. He prayed to the gods his companion was whispering something in his favor in the knight’s ear. Silcero pleaded. “Please, good sir, the city just wants to offer you the accommodations of an honored guest. We are requesting nothing of you, wouldn’t ever dare.” The whole crowd nodded with him.

The knight let them wait and quiver under his blank, stoic stare. He was startled when he finally spoke. “Very well.” and strolled past them to take the lead without brokering argument.

Silcero felt a mountain lift off his shoulder when he actually complied to come with him. Maybe he could still shift this mess on another poor fool’s responsibility if he just made it through the evening without screwing up. He ran, with Togger following, him after the intimidating knight and the ridiculous hot maid in his arm. “Thank you, Sir…”

“Idmee. Don Idmee.”

The name meant nothing to Silcero. He had come around as an adventurer before he settled down in Taracona after the civil war and as his profession liked to chat heard quite a lot stories about the heroes of their age. There had never been a Don Idmee among them but the way he carried himself, the power his words possessed and the immense strength he was supposed to have he couldn’t be a nobody. Somebody must had heard of him or was it perhaps a fake name?

While he led them to barracks he scrambled his mind who else could fit Don Idmee’s profile. A powerful warrior of unmatched strength wearing all black armor in company of a beautiful maid, he was sure he had heard that description before.

The epiphany hit him when opened the door to his private office to them and bid them in. “Please take a seat and have yourself some wine and biscuits. I will just send off Sergeant Togger for some more refreshments and be right with you in a moment.”

As soon as he had closed the door he circled around and pointed at Toggr’s broad catman chest. He hissed. “You will go at once to Fangir Shur and sent her to E-Rantel with a message for high command. Momon has appeared in Taraconca in company of a maid.”

“Momon-!” tried Toggr to give his disbelief voice before Silcero clammed his hand over his mouth and hissed driven.

“Will you shut it! We must keep this secret at all cost! I will try my best to get the both them out of town a soon as possible! We don’t want them here when the Sorcerer Kingdom comes looking for them! We are only sending the message cause it would bite us in the butt in the end if we kept it secret! Now move your hairy ass and get that note out!” Shoved Silcero Togger toward the entrance door before heading in his office.

Togger never saw his superior so on edge and if the old man showed his nerves things had to be really bad. He grabbed a parchment from behind the reception on his way out and headed for the wide tower in the middle of the barrack’s courtyard. While he climbed the 153 steps to its top he tried to recall all he knew of Momon.

He had been an adventurer active in the time before the civil war. Togger didn’t know in detail about his exploits since Momon had been a human but pinkies held him in great esteem. It was said his prowess was so immense even the Sorcerer King respected him. How did they keep saying in the tavern when his name was evoked in a toast? An adamantium among adamantiums?

He paused his steps as he realized he had just stood in the presence of a legend and then remembered horrified how he had clapped him on the shoulder like a school boy. Just how narrowly had he skipped death in that moment? The adventurers used to be demi-human killers during Momon’s active time. Butchering just one more would have been child’s play to such a hit man should he have judged him offensive. Maybe he already killed Caitians before. Perhaps even one of his clan?

He climbed on at ease with his conscience about selling out the human. Momon hadn’t thought twice killing for money and neither would he care what happened to him. One less pinky just meant more space for the Caitians and maybe he would even get a reward. If not for him Silcero and the Kingdom in turn would never have learned so quickly about the human. Such useful service had to be honored in his mind.

Togger stepped on the top of the platform. Not light burned up here but his feline eyes easily pierced the darkness and spotted his target under a huge rooftop. “Hey Fangir, wake up! Fangir!” shouted he while he placed his note in satchel from a stand close to the stairs.

“For you it is still Fangir Shur, little cat.” grumbled Fangir as she reluctantly rose from sleep. She was a frost dragon with pale blue, almost white scales and two curved horns poking from the back of her head. Her body and limps were stocky and compact but she still towered over Togger like he was a veritable house cat. “Why do you bother me in the middle of the night?”

Togger held up the satchel. “Commander Silcero wants you to bring this message to E-Rantel as fast as possible.

“E-Rantel? That is a 5 days flight. What is so important I can’t the deliver the message to Hoburns where someone can message it?”

“That’s for the commander and me to know. You have your orders, Fangir. Just follow them.” Said Togger while he fastened the satchel to her arm. Fangir would have liked nothing more in that moment than to use the opportunity and rip the cat to pieces or maybe just gobble him up. Not so long ago his kind would have cowered before the likes of her and by all rights he still should have. She was a dragon; stronger, tougher and smarter than any member of his race could ever hope to become but he treated her as a beast of burden.

The stories of her mother how the lesser races used to fear them so much they willfully accepted their lot as prey instead of struggling seemed ridiculous now and yet she remembered herself a time where she was a queen upon this world and not a mule. The advent of the Sorcerer Kingdom had marked the final plummet to irrelevance of the dragon race. Fangir Shur doubted she would ever be more than a glorified slave again. Although the kingdom made efforts to recognize her race’s superiority it all ended up as more insult to their broken pride. Maybe it was even intentional to remind them of their place thought Fangir Shu when she looked down on the hoard proxy she had been sleeping on – nothing more than paper mâché, paint and tainted glass they had given her after stealing her original hoard.

She shook off the melancholy when Togger finished securing the note on her. Rebelling, even if it would have felt so good for one moment, would only lead to death or worse. Powerful and strong as she was Fangir Shur still paled against the unreachable power of the Sorcerer King. He had killed her father, the largest and strongest dragon of their clan with a single spell while she had been out of their hold to hunt. What chance would she stand?

“All done.” checked Togger the final belt on her underarm and clapped her scales on it like she was a mindless horse. The nerve of the flea colony was baffling but she gobbled the rising bile and spread her large wings in acknowledgment. She tensed the tons of muscles on her body and then leaped in one bound over the tower’s edge, thankfully before she could hear any more of the cat’s miss-placed banter. Each flap of her wings pulled her higher and in just a few breaths Taracona and the sea lay behind her while she headed to the east.

Up here she felt a small measure of freedom from the stink of the low races, from the fate that had befallen her people and from the chains hooked into her very soul. Fangir Shur could no longer take flight on her own volition. The Sorcerer King himself had placed geas, a deadly vow, upon her and her siblings forbidding them forever to take flight if not on behalf of the Sorcerer Kingdom or its servants. In a single gesture he had turned them from lords to slaves and to a race that used to rule the world it was a fate almost as worse a death.

In the first years she had often considered leaving despite the involved price. Just one course change and it wouldn’t take long before her heart slowed and finally stopped beating leaving her alive just long enough to maybe still experience the crash. She knew because her brother Thaelomi Dyena had chosen that path. First it had been his fate that scared her from also doing so. Then she postponed on every excuse she could think of and when she finally saw the devastation the agents of the king spread in the Re-Estize Kingdom she buried all hope. Fangir Shur no longer trusted in the peace of death. Not when a unliving god held her soul.

Even without the threat of the geas she could have easily flown for days without pause. It was exhausting, even for a dragon, but pushing through the tiredness was preferable to actually landing and resting on the cursed lands below her. The Abelion Hills that bordered the Roble Holy Kingdom were one giant bee hive with workers of all the Sorcerer Kingdom’s races hustling to bring his majesties vision of the future to reality. The smoke of young cities on hexagonal preset spaces stung in her nose and armies with shovels and pickaxes for weapons carved wide straight streets through the forests and hills. Fangir Shur wondered what would become of her and her siblings once they would be finished. Would the sorcerer king still have use for them or would he slaughter them for their bones, their scales and their hearts like her father? Would there even be something left of her to bury and remember?

She could see the Azerlisian Mountains while she flew over the ruins of the Re-Estize Kingdom and her heart turned bitter. They were too far from her course to take a detour and Fangir Shur no longer wished to visit what had been her home for most of her life. The pitiful dwarves that once fearfully hid from her kin in their holes now prospered and multiplied like vermin under the mountains while her species edged each year closer to extinction all thanks to the Sorcerer King. Fangir Shur was no intellectual, not like her spineless half-brother Hejinmal who started a career as scholar in the service of the King, but still she wondered if the time of the of lords and lessers was ending with everyone equally below one god.

She cursed them all like she had done every day for almost two decades. She wished for their bones to break, their living flesh to rot and their souls to despair and it still wouldn’t be enough to ever calm the hate in her frozen heart for most of all she hated herself for being too weak to rebel even if it was hopeless prospect. Petty spite was the only outlet for her pain left to her and so she dropped a welcoming on her old racial enemies, the [Frost Giants], who now guarded the gates of E-Rantel as she descended.

The capital of the Sorcerer Kingdom looked bigger each time she returned and had surpassed by now even Arwintar the jewel of the Baharuth Empire in size. A new city wall ring had been finished 3 years ago to protect the buildings that had been erected outside of the old outer ring by the survivors of Re-Estize who survived the war of annihilation. It grated terribly on her how the vermin had received aid and incentives to settle here by the king while he took everything from her family.

She headed for the highest tower in the city center. Rising almost a 150 Meters above the ground with a wide top platform it could have been a beautiful sight with the black and white marble reliefs mantling it if they hadn’t portrayed the many victories and crimes of the Sorcerer King.

She landed with a mighty ‘thud’ and ran a few meters to decelerate. The originally roughed up tiles had been smothered by years of use and were still wet from a previous rain shower and Fangir Shur almost slipped and toppled over the edge before she could claw her talons into the stone and stop. Angry she turned around to the small figure in black rags approaching from the stairs in the center of the platform and snapped. “Are you fools actively trying to get me killed? I almost broke my neck because you are too lazy to dry the field!”

The figure bowed deeply and placed a gnarled hand with blackened flesh over its heart. “Apologies, mighty Fangir Shur, but the facility management was still busy. I am sure they are already on their way.” Spoke it with a rasping voice like it was heaving for air.

“Excuses! Always excuses! I am so sick of it! Do your damn job like I am supposed to!”

“Of course, Fangir Shur. We will do better.” Bowed it again but she didn’t believe it and harrumphed.

“Sure you will…”

It righted itself and smiled at her with empty eye sockets in which tiny embers glowed and the macabre grin of a moor mummy. Or maybe it didn’t smile. She always had a hard time reading the expressions and body languages of the lesser races and with undead like the lich Maryupittini before her it became even more difficult. “Why have you come, Fangir Shur? You would not be here if it was not important.”

It was right, of course, but it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. She shook her paw annoyed implying it should hurry. “Don’t know, don’t care. Just take the damn thing and send me something to eat. I am starving.”

“I will send for some sheep at once.” Said Maryupittini and went unafraid of her to open the satchel. Fangir Shur was a powerful being as he said but he was no weakling either. He was confident he could give her a good fight should she forget all common sense and attack him and he was even more confident Nazarick would make her pay tenfold should he fail to punish her. As a direct creation of the Supreme One he held a position of prominence among the servants of the Great Tomb just below the area guardians and he was well aware of it. Striking him would be like striking a noble and she was a peasant at best.

To his surprise he found not an extensive report but just a small rolled up paper. He was tempted to open it then and there for they wouldn’t have wasted Fangir Shur’s service on just one note if it hadn’t been urgent. That they didn’t use [Message] to inform the capital meant it wasn’t just a matter of urgency but also delicacy that had to be handled with greatest care.

Maryupittini dutifully ignored his curiosity and put the message in his inventory, one of the most secure stores in E-Rantel thanks to the genius of his wonderful creator. Who else but the Supreme One could have come up with clever idea of filling his agents inventory with tons of sand? Even if he should be slain the chances of him dropping anything valuable for the enemy to plunder were close to zero. All the enemies of king could gain by slaying his servants were worthless dust and his merciless vengeance.

With a snap of his finger he silently cast [Telekinesis] to unclasp the straps binding the satchel to Fangir Shur’s arm and levitated it to a large rack were dozens of more well used ones waited for use.

“Do you know anything about the content of the message?” asked he and saw satisfied her shaking her head. “Good. The Sorcerer Kingdom thanks you for your service. You may rest.”

“How generous.” Snorted the dragon and slumped down. Maryupittini didn’t miss the sarcastic undertone but at the end of day he did not care for her feelings as long as she performed her duties to expectation. He left her to boil in her bile and descended the stair heading for the security of his own office.

His room was not only guarded by two Deathknights, brothers of him who had also been created by the Supreme One, but also a number of anti-divination enchantments far beyond the scope of most magic casters of the New World and still he reached into his inventory and retrieved precious scrolls with even more powerful protection spells far beyond even his formidable skills. They were gifts of the Sorcerer King that couldn’t yet be replicated with the materials of the New World but he felt the risks implied by the message justified their expenditure. Only when the last scrolls dissolved into briefly glowing particles retrieved he the note and carefully opened it.

His paranoia was well placed. The guard commander of Taracona acted wisely when he opted for discretion. Momon had been an alias used by the King himself years ago as part of his glorious Ten-Thousand-Years plan to dub the masses and give them a symbol of hope that secretly served Nazarick’s interests but he abandoned it after the pacification of Re-Estize. If some infidel thought of mantling the charade of Momon it could cause chaos in all of the Kingdom, most all E-Rantel itself! The mortals could get miss-guided ideas of rebellion against the harsh but just rule of his majesty or even worse: the stranger itself could try to wield authority over less enlightened mortal servants of the Kingdom and thereby cause incalculable damage! Who would refuse the legendary prowess of a Supreme Being, even in disguise? He had to report it at once to his superior and so he cast [Message].

“ _Lord Demiurge, are you available?”_ Send he his thoughts in the blink of an eye over Hundreds of kilometers and waited. It took only a few seconds before he felt a sudden brief tingling like a bell in his mind and another voice, smooth and charismatic, echoed in his head.

“ _Maryupittini? You know you are calling me in my off-time. What is the problem?”_

“ _Lord Demiurge, I apologize for disturbing you but it is a matter of grave importance. I just received a note by dragon post from Taracona in the Roble Provence that says the hero Momon has appeared in the city in company of a maid. He called himself Don Idmee but the note also said he possesses incredible strength and black arms and armor of legendary quality. It was send on order of the local guard commander Silcero Rosce.”_

“ _Does it say anything else?”_ Asked his lord after a moment. Maryupittini had no doubt the second greatest mind of the Great Tomb of Nazarick was already evaluating and discarding a Hundred possible scenarios and schemes more convoluted than any ants nest.

“ _No, Lord Demiurge. It seems it had been send in haste. Should I contact the commander for more details?”_

“ _Don’t. It could give away our awareness of the situation.”_

“ _As you wish, my Lord. What about the messenger? Should I neutralize her? She said she had no knowledge of the notes content but probing her mind is outside my abilities.”_

“ _Ground her in E-Rantel till I will send specialists to test her. Otherwise stick to your routine and give no signs anything is off.”_

“ _I understand, my Lord.”_ send Maryupittini his last message before his lord canceled the mental link.

Demiurge played with the loom shuttle in his hand as he digested the news. It wasn’t the first time some fool tried to impersonate an authority of the Sorcerer Kingdom, an unfortunate side effect of his efforts to instill the proper respect and devotion in Lord Ainz’s subjects. Since few dared to question the words of an agent of the Supreme One and even fewer ever considered the idea of playing one the tiny rest had an easy time extorting favors and gifts with their guise. Of course once he became aware of such crimes he always acted swiftly to apprehend the charlatans and have them pay back their due, most often in flesh, blood and tears.

It hadn’t happened often and the last time was almost a decade ago when a group of former female adventurers acted as battle maids of Nazarick until one night when they met the originals. Lord Ainz himself oversaw their capture and his rage had been so furious it inspired Demiurge to spheres of creativity when devising a fitting punishment for them. The culprits were sentenced to carry a heavy salt pillar inscribed with the laws of the Kingdom on their heads for a Hundred years in a never ending march across the Sorcerer Kingdom while they were sewn together inward facing at their amputated arms in a skinned ring of pain. They felt not only their own anguish but also that of their sisters synchronizing their every moan and cry to a harmonious symphony of screams and pleas for forgiveness. The prospect alone of maybe soon having to devise a similar piece of art excited him and a hunger awoke in him to debone the frauds and count every precious tear as he made them watch.

He gave the loom’s pedal under him a kick and threw the shuttle through the weave. Gears turned and churned to spin his living donors a notch further while scalpels cut of their skin like peeling an apple and twisted it into the strong cords of the weave.

The chorus of weak moans soothed Demiurge when he reminded himself he was too hasty. He had no proof the news were legit. Maybe it was a foolish misunderstanding or an exaggeration and only a better man or woman for the position of guard commander of Taracona was needed. Of course punishment would still be necessary but he would have to limit his creativity lest he undermined the just image of his Lord. Lord Ainz decrees were often harsh but always appropriate and fitting to the crime. Blemishing the Supreme One’s esteem with an over-motivated action of his must never happen!

He kicked the pedal again and let the shuttle fly as another idea appeared. Maybe it was all along a part of Lord Ainz’s great plan? After all his intellect and wisdom were so unfathomable vast even he could barely anticipate it a few decades in advance while Lord Ainz already saw ten Thousand years ahead. If he confronted the would-be-Momon only to find out it was his lord all along and thus mar his great design it would be the ultimate catastrophe! A well meaning but foolish servant could be almost as dangerous as a genuine traitor. The damage he could do even in best intent to His vision was incalculable.

But what if he counted on his involvement? Lord Ainz rarely gave direct orders or insight in his thoughts about the world knowing his servants couldn’t ever comprehend the barest drop of the ocean that was his mind. The final annexation of Baharuth 8 years ago, the civil war in Roble and the beastmen invasion before that and even the establishment of Momon as the hero who defeated Demiurges own alias; Jaldabaoth, had all been masterfully orchestrated by Lord Ainz with the barest hints and gestures. His empathy and intelligence were so formidable he could trust in even such subtle communication to give his agents, willing or not, all necessary instructions to bring whole countries to their knees and topple false gods. Had Demiurge perhaps become to complacent in the last quiet years and missed such an order?

If he missed one order he also could have missed another! Maybe his Lord was already calculating with accomplished objectives and facts that just weren’t, all because he had been to proud and satisfied in his own puny intellect to strive even harder to emulate, ultimately fruitlessly, of course, Him. Or did Lord Ainz already count on his oversight and it was already part of the Ten-Thousand-Years plan? Who but Him knew Demiurge best, better even than Demiurge himself? He could have not thought of it but it was perfectly reasonable Lord Ainz did!

The uncertainty was frustrating and wished for nothing more but ask Lord Ainz for clarity but one look at the huge grandfather clock in the corner of his dungeon told him it was not yet time. It was just another example of the Supreme One unapproachable wisdom when he introduced and explained to them the concept of ‘Off-Time’. After He had claimed Baharuth he ordered the guardians to from that day on to only use half their days time to serve Him and Nazarick. The other half they were forbidden to work. He explained to them that even if their tasks did not tire or bother them they still needed this ‘Off-Time’ to get new inspiration and chance for self-improvement so they could serve him even better. That he, even with his gifted mind, still had a hard time grasping the concept was just one more unnecessary prove how far he was below his lord’s wisdom.

It was taxing, even emotionally painful, to restrain his mind on further thinking on the news for that would have meant to work and Demiurge would never ignore the Supreme One’s order for his own egoistical needs. All he could do was weave and listen to the fine tearing of the skin while his donors suffered and he waited anxiously for every click of the clock’s hands. He led the agony wash over him and cover all his this thoughts like the sea covered the ocean’s floor. He added his own verses to the chorus of the damned to complete the harmonics while his fingers worked to conserve the bitter-sweet feeling for all time in his skin tapestry and he thanked his donor’s for sharing their pain with him and promised to re-imbue them soon when his off-time was finally over.

Demiurge vanished in flash and appeared in the high halls of the Tenth Floor of Nazarick thanks to the Ring of Ainz Ooal Gown he wore and strode immediately for the quarters of his Lord. The old guards waiting before every of room of the other Supreme Beings respectfully bowed as he passed and he graced them in turn in acknowledging nods. Despite his own wishes he stuck to a fast but unhurried walk for he should project an aura of confidence and control as Defensive Combat Leader of Nazarick. In this he took example in the unwavering courage of his lord against all hopeless opposition of fate.

He took a last turn and arrived at a dead end of the floor. Not even 20 meters separated him now from the gold clad door that opened to the Sorcerer King’s private chamber. With years of practice he danced over the few tiles that would not unleash fiendish traps and knocked two times in short order and then a third.

After a good minute he heard the eagerly anticipated answer. “Come in.”

Demiurge pushed and stepped in. His lord, the great sorcerer king, the wisest magic caster in existence, the all-mighty master of the Great Tomb of Nazarick stood with his his back to him in front of a gigantic round table easily 15 meters wide. The light of the crystal chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling sparkled like the sun in the desolate darkness of space when it hit the gold seams of his royal robe for the [Aura of Despair] was so thick around Lord Ainz it became visible as a black cloud. As Demiurge stepped closer he saw his master rest his chin on his fist as he contemplated the diorama before him on the table. Thousands of little painted figurines on round bases, 37.623 by his last count, stood on a replica map with detailed modeled terrain, forests and settlements of the Sorcerer Kingdom and the surrounding nations as an approximate of their progress.

Of course he didn’t talk first and waited patiently for his master to address him so he wouldn’t disturb and followed instead his line of sight to the ten stories open tower in the table’s center that represented Nazarick and its floors. It rested on a half a finger high representation of Albedo on the edge of the 10 th  floor furthest away from Lord Ainz pure gold own representation with a triumphantly raised Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown that was easily twice her size, a group gift of the guardians to him. While originally very detailed Albedo’s model had been painted poorly with too much color that didn’t even cover all the tin. Lord Ainz had known years in advance she would fall out of his favor with her sexual advances and would have to be banned as punishment to her quarters, and hinted at it when placed her as one of the first actors on the his playground that was the world.

He noticed his lord shift his gaze to the palace of Arwintar and the its governor Jircniv Rune Farlord El Nix, its former emperor before he willfully asked to join the Sorcerer Kingdom as subject. Was he to play a key role in the near future or perhaps his descendants? The balding man was still healthy but as a human, even an exceptionally gifted one, his days were limited. There was no guarantee his heirs would be of similar use as him so could Lord Ainz perhaps plan of gifting him with long or eternal life? Or maybe he planned to breed his talent? But with who? Another human or another useful servant? Could it perhaps even be Albedo?

“Why have you come, Demiurge?” broke Lord Ainz his line of thought and he hastily turned his attention back on his original objective.

“My Lord, I come with… interesting news. A report was sent of an, I quote, adventurer of incredible strength in all black arms and armor in company of a maid in the city of Taracona. The local guard commander Silcero Rosce believes him to be the adamantium rank adventurer Momon and the Beautiful Princess Nabe, Narberal Gamma’s old guise.”

Lord Ainz remained true in composure, almost stiff. Naturally the news didn’t surprise him and instead he teased him. “Taracona… the city?”

“Yes, Lord Ainz. The message was sent 5 days ago by dragon post to E-Rantel and reported from there by spell to me so it is credible.” Answered he. Stating again the alternative of routing the post first to Hoburns to save 3 days of flight by using an additional chain link and risking further spread of the knowledge would have been a waste of Lord Ainz’s precious time and an insult to his intellect.

“Naturally.” Stated his Lord and Demiurge felt a great weight lift off his heart. Of course Lord Ainz was aware! The reemergence was just another piece in his Ten-Thousand-Years plan for the world. The dark hero was a venerated legend among the masses, a foolish symbol of hope for the idiots who did not understand yet his lord’s necessary hard hand for Lord Ainz in his incomparable long view had foreseen the need for an opposition to Nazarick that served in secret the Tomb. How arrogant had Demiurge been when he thought his Jaldabaoth sham had been clever while in truth it was an embarrassing rip-off of an idea Lord Ainz had implemented just days after arriving in the New World and played out with the unsurpassed patience of a true immortal. Just as expected.

“I understand, my Lord.” bowed Demiurge with a wide grin. “I will spread the word among my agents and have the press stand ready to serve the spectacle.”

“Hmm hmm.”

“I will start at once, Lord Momonga. Fortunately Momon appeared at such a convenient time a cover for me is almost ready again. Have trust I will serve to the best of my ability as always.” Promised Demiurge and hurried out.

The door fell shut and the demons steps faded quickly to the silence of Ainz’s most private place.

“Oh crap…” Buried Ainz his face in his hand. “Just as expected, indeed…”

He had nothing to do with this news. He hardly ever had anything to do with any news reaching him despite his servant adamant refusal to believe anything ever happened outside of his control. He looked to the wall filling glass cabinet were Thousands more models collected dust and searched for the old figurine of Momon of Darkness. Today had been the first in years when he thought of his old alter-ego.

Momon had been a means to an end at the time to explore the world without attracting attention for being an undead and simply grew into the role of a national hero. Although he had wished to earn glory as an adventurer before discovering the sober truth of their old job profile he had never expected him to play such an important role in the early Sorcerer Kingdom as he finally did. Yet as his responsibilities widened and he had and wished to travel the world the persona of Momon became a liability. Powerful as Ainz was he still couldn’t really be at two places at once. His own creation, the Greater Doppelganger Pandora’s Actor mimed him for a time but that had eventually also turned out as unsatisfying since it simply consumed the guardians time instead of his and P.A.s multitude of talents could be more productively used elsewhere.

In the end they had Momon ‘retire’ and leave the Sorcerer Kingdom 13 years ago in a great and passionate speech in E-Rantel about how he could no longer bear witness to the Sorcerer King’s hard hand even if he acknowledged the great good and order he brought to the world. The Sorcerer King let him go freely since he had served faithfully and honored their ‘agreement’. Thankfully he had decided in the last moment to play Momon himself and have P.A. stand in for him when he read by chance his creations first speech draft. The praise for the him in it had been so overblown and pompous he still cringed when thinking of it.

He let little Momon fly over to him with a thought and plucked him with two fingers from the air to inspect him further. If he was honest Momon had been just as bland and basic as his paint job. A big muscle head with a lot bravado and skill and not much more. Ainz never got the chance to develop the persona of Momon much deeper than that and P.A. barely ever strayed from that image before he also retired from it so admittedly it wasn’t hard to confuse any strong guy in black armor with him. But would someone really try to impersonate him on purpose?

Ainz looked over the table to the old Northern Holy Roble Kingdom and he had to look it over twice before he discovered the small city Taracona on the north-western edge of the great bay. He placed the model in the empty spot with the city mark and took a step back. Maybe some distance and a broader view would help him discover a relationship to another prominent or interesting model on the table. The tiny coals in his eye sockets swept over heroes, generals, politicians, clerics, ogres, sylithids, mermen, dragons, gryphons, dwarfs, kobolds, gnomes, golems, elfs, undead, soldiers, peasants…

“Oh who am I kidding!” thrust he his hands frustrated in the air “No one could make any sense of this mess!” and hit the table’s edge with enhanced wood crunching force. The hit left not only two clear imprints in the table but also caused more than half the models and several buildings to topple over. “Damn it!” Cursed Ainz at the mess he created. Now he had to set them all up again. Not because he needed the table to remind him of his plans but because his guardians thought he did even as they fawned over his presumed god-like intelligence. The table was proof he was anything but.

In the beginning he had simply wanted to give Aura and Mare something to fill their off-time and had called them to paint with him the first models of the Floor Guardians and play with them a tabletop tactic game he written himself. And what made the guardians of it? Despite his lengthy and many lectures to the contrary they started believing it was some kind of strategic model to measure the progress of his grand Ten-Thousand-Year plan.

If Ainz could cut just one sentence out of his history it would have been that one careless jest two decades ago. After 20 years of living as undead king to the npcs he could only shake his head at his own stupidity at that time. He had already known they were fanatics with an insane devotion and trust in him. He had already witnessed day after day how they saw every single one of his actions with the greatest awe and in the best possible light even if all common sense should have told them otherwise.

By now he had cast off his once fear they would abandon or turn against him should they discover one day he was no genius or god but just a salesman with dubious luck. He had every confidence they would genuinely applaud him even if molested a dead donkey piss drunk in front of every dignitary of the known world. They would probably call it a ‘devious mind fuck of the lesser beings’ or a ‘genuine lesson in humility’ and murder afterwards each and everyone who dared to point out the truth, then their families and friends and maybe nation just to be sure they got every ‘infidel’.

In a way that had been cute as long as Nazarick was still at heart a clandestine organization that acted mostly from the shadows but now they ruled the greatest nation in the history of the known world and the npcs started spreading their views under his subjects and servants recruited from them, and those did not share the natural devotion of the npcs. He almost shit a brick 5 years ago when Jicniv congratulated him on the ground-break ceremony of his highway project to another glorious step in ‘his’ Ten-Thousand-Year plan. His nightmare became perfect when he learned shortly after it wasn’t just the higher echelons with direct contact to Nazarick who started believing in it but also the common people.

But the common man or thing of this world might not have been particularly bright bright yet they weren’t stupid either. One bad slip, just a matter of time, and they could voice doubt to his infallible image causing in turn the people of Nazarick into action he didn’t like to contemplate at all. His rising empire was on the brink of collapsing and he was the only one who knew. Could it get any worse?

Now that Demiurge had reminded him of his time as Momon of Darkness he wished even more to return to those simpler days where he didn’t had to wait powerlessly for the catastrophe to happen. Everything had been easier back then. He had a fresh world to discover as free as he had never been before and his only wish had been to care for npcs of Nazarick while now he was bound tighter every year by his responsibilities and duties and almost all contestants had been swept away. Slaughtering Thousands of natives hadn’t bothered him one bit and simply happened on the side while now they were ALL his to care and provide for and in his blissful ignorance he had had all the time in the world to postpone the many issues he knew about even back then.

But now they were catching up with him He still hadn’t managed to ride the world of the insane idea of the Ten-Thousand-Year plan and any day now all he had build could turn to rubble in a moment. Just like he was now slowly righting up the models on table again on the table he would have to start all over again and again and again and again every time someone sensible would discover his true nature: a clueless fool with the worst luck, stumbling from blunder to blunder of his own making.

He picked up Albedo’s dropped model just to be reminded of another of his mistakes: his fatal edit of her background setting. The imminent end of the Sorcerer Kingdom might have been his greatest problem but she was probably the most present one. Since day one the mad demon stalked him with the single-minded determination to become his wife and beget a child by him, completely ignoring the hindrance (or gap) in his anatomy.

After 20 years he no longer considered the creations of his old friends as overshot children but it still would have been wrong to take advantage of feelings in Albedo she hadn’t developed on her own. To do so would have been akin to drugging and raping someone and he swore he would never lower himself to such base evil. If he did he could never look at himself in the mirror, not to mention serve as leaders for others. A leaders role in any group was to inspire others to be their best and unite with his example all parts to something greater than their mere sum not sully them.

He placed the succubus’ model back on the edge of tenth floor as far away as possible from his own embarrassing representation. Albedo had been confined many times to her quarters and work in their years together, always because her facade of a dignified stateswoman failed and she was brought down by her raging mating desire. By now she had tried to rape him 13 times and each time he had placed a longer penance on her. In part he had done so in the futile hope she might finally learn her lesson but mostly because he tried to avoid her and having to finally settle the issue.

Now her latest punishment was almost done and in only a few hours she would be allowed to leave her room again. Ainz had little reason to believe she wouldn’t head straight for him, maybe just for a brief visit before she would start her 14 th  jail time even if both of them knew it wouldn’t change anything.

So in conclusion: everything sucked. His reputation, his love life and the damned mess of a table before him.

Ainz stopped fixing the table by hand. He realized that even now he was postponing again and cast instead with a finger snap [Mass Telekinesis] setting up every dropped model were it lay instead of painfully returning each and everyone to its original place. Why was he hiding in this cellar when he should have been acting instead to earn his reputation as an infallible monarch in earnest? When had he become so conscious of his reputation that he feared to act?

He should finally do something, anything, instead of lamenting his fate but he couldn’t do that with Albedo breathing down his neck and making him aware of his inferior intellect just by speaking and the same applied to Demiurge. He needed to build up confidence again and he needed an own impression of the peoples thoughts unbiased by the npcs fawning.

Ainz had an epiphany: Demiurge had just given him the perfect excuse to act for a time outside of the scrutiny of Nazarick and avoid Albedo’s libido. He could claim to act out in secret his newest part of his plan and use Demiurge’s own suggestion to keep Albedo locked in Nazarick by her duties. He could mingle among the people unperturbed while the fiend diverted all attention on Momon, away from him. At the same time he could get a more open opinion of his subjects about their king because the adventurer was among the last ‘living’ legends in about the same league as him who didn’t report to the government. To whom but Momon would they confide their true thoughts? At the same time he could use Momon’s own reputation to spread a more grounded image of the Sorcerer King than the house of lies he currently resided in.

The plan was so simple but perfect he feared he might miss something crucial but he forced himself to ignore the self-doubt as the first step in his therapy. Before he could cancel again his mission he sent Demiurge a to the point message of his absence and order to not follow him. Trusting in the fiend’s trust everything would play out just as expected he didn’t wait for a reply and thought instead about how to begin.

Starting in E-Rantel would have been pointless. There were npcs embedded everywhere in the local authority and it would have made no sense for Momon to appear her first after leaving the kingdom. The news of his first appearance at the edge of his kingdom on the other hand was perfect. The Roble provinces still used much of the original power structure even if the highest echelons had been replaced of course and it would be far easier to explain how he got there without being seen on the way. Momon was a warrior after all, not a rogue.

But what about the ‘imposter’ if he was one? He couldn’t ignore him if he wanted to play Momon himself but should he punish him for his stunt or maybe reward him for the opportunity he gave him? Perhaps he could even use him for his own ends? He couldn’t make such a decision without more information and hence decided to gather some intel himself.

With long perfected practice he retrieved a handheld [Mirror of remote Viewing] from his inventory and willed its gaze to race at blurring speed from a sky view of Nazarick’s top to the west till the small city Taracona rested neatly in its frame. Since the mirror offered only a top view from the sky and couldn’t pierce solid objects like a house’s roof and he would have to use specialized divination magic if wanted to find this Don Idmee.

He considered his options while he watch the inhabitants finish their day’s business. [Locate Race] would be useless since there lived Thousands of humans in it and the spell would highlight them all. [Detect Good] and [Detect Evil] suffered the same problem. He cast [Detect Undead] just to make sure but only ended up seeing a lot of skeletons and the city’s lone deathknight, yet seeing his creation gave him an idea.

Ainz pointed a claw at the mirror and spoke out of habit not need. “[Find Object: Plate Armor]”

The item exploded instantly in his face in a shower of dusted glass and the frame caught fire in his hand and burned to fine white ash in mere seconds. “Crap!” Cursed Ainz as he realized he triggered an anti-divination spell. A potent one. [Find Object] could be blocked by tier 4 abjuration spells but a spell that could cause such a backlash had to be at least of tier 7 like [Punish Spies] or an extremely potent item which should have its own legend in this world. Even if it was an unknown artifact Nazarick had missed in the scouring for everything remotely dangerous to his rule it meant that whoever resided in Taracona had either access to powerful items or magic, possibly both, which gave more credit to the report of Don Idmee possessing incredible strength. In a world still largely defined by natural selection almost all items of power ended up in the hands of the equally powerful as he was proof.

This meant he had to approach the unknown adventure with a lot more care and safety measures than he originally intended. Who knew what else that man or the maid with him held back. Going there alone without someone to watch his back was too risky; he needed a backup.

But taking Naberal Gamma again with him was out of question. She was far too rigid and stubborn in her way of thinking and manners to let him get close to the people and even if she was powerful by the standards of the world that unknown actor also had to be, making Narberal just more of liability if he proofed distinctly superior to her.

But Naberal Gamma wasn’t the only Doppelganger in Nazarick... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for joining in :). I know the chapter turned out a little long-winded but I felt it was a good idea to describe the world by the differing views of the people there, including Ainz. I hope I didn’t turn Ainz too much into a whiner but in his case I always thought his insecurity to be one of his most relatable elements.
> 
> I will also stick to limited third person narration for anyone wondering. I am not a big fan of an all knowing narrator except in epic narratives and this story is supposed play more personally with its actors.
> 
> I would appreciate a review and your opinion on what went right and what went wrong in this chapter :D .


	4. Chasing Shadows

How do heroes cross over from the realm of legends into true life? Certainly not by meekly knocking on a door and whispering ‘excuse, but here I am.’ and also not by heralds telling of their return who would surely be dismissed.

Heroes were birthed into the world by spectacles. They saved damsels in distress, fought all alone whole armies, slayed monsters and everyone would know and point their finger saying ‘that must be a hero!’. But when there was no maid left to rescue, when all armies were already feeding the worms and no anarchic monster dared to raise its head anymore they couldn’t give birth to heroes. Ainz suspected Demiurge would have suggested sending a servant of Nazarick in disguise to give him a foe and he could have easily summoned a creature himself to that effect but that would have cast doubt on the unshakable stability that he had brought the realms of the Sorcerer Kingdom and by which he could legitimize his rightful rule despite having conquered all by treachery and until then unknown bloodshed. For the same reason he couldn’t create a villain of sufficient power to necessitate the involvement of a legend.

Thankfully he had studied many stories of old heroes of the world when he reformed the adventurer guilds years ago and even went so far to compare the songs and stories the bards told with the actual records he had access to as supreme ruler. Combined with his own memories of the fantasy movies of modern Earth’s time and Yggdrasil’s quests he felt confident he had thought up a perfect intro to return Momon from the mists of time.

“My Lord, we should arrive within moments. I can already smell the vermin even if I can’t yet see them through the mist.” heard he Narberal’s monotonous voice from behind him while he stood at the front of their one mast fishing boat with one boot resting on its foremost tip and one hand gripping the rope spanning from the tip to the top of mast to stabilize him. He wore his old armor, or rather a replica of it, but had added a few touches to respect the passage of time. While it used to be in an impeccable state during all of Momon’s first life it was now crisscrossed by thousands of superficial battle scars and the glorious red cape had been ravaged to a tattered scarf. He had dropped his signature two handed axe-swords for a new pair of much more potent weapons, ‘Kisin’ and ‘Flammenzunge’.

Kisin, a legendary level item he conveniently found in Nazarick’s treasury, was a two handed heavy bone sabre with a protection made from a skeletal hand and a blade so sharp its single edge was translucent like cooked chicken bone. Flammenzunge on the other hand had been created by his own experiments with only natural new world ingredients and resembled from a distance an over-sized kebab knife. It had a simple iron blue cross guard and handle but its blade was formed from five hollow squares connected at their corners. Both their unusual appearances and enormous power would help cement his cover story for Momon but he chose them because he had been using them for most of his daily warrior training under Cocytus. After 20 years of practice he no longer would have to hear snide remarks about his horrible technique like he once constantly did whenever Momon engaged a genuine warrior.

He glanced over his shoulder to his companion and spoke. “Your are hitting Narberal’s tone perfectly, Pandora’s Actor, but remember the changes to the character I told you. Be cool and guarded but do not disrespect the mortals unprovoked or act like they are actual pests. The goal is to endear the people again to Team Darkness so we can earn their trust.”

The beautiful princess Nabe bowed respectfully her head without any saluting fuss. After 20 years of constant reminder P.A. had thankfully dropped most of his german fetisch habits while transformed. Once Ainz had understood his creation was foremost an actor in his heart it had become easy to apply to his professionalism and thus motivate P.A. strongly to stick to his roles to the letter. Ageless like all heteromorph characters of Nazarick Naberal still looked like a pale, black haired beauty as on the day she became alive but Nabe also had gotten an upgrade to her equipment. Now she wore bright red silk kimono with fine white and dark red roses embroidery and she wielded ‘Chibangasa’, an umbrella with a hidden sword in its shaft, that could be used for both offense and defense. “Thank you, Momon. I always strive to do my best.”

“I know that but hush now, we are about to enter the harbor.” Praised he warmly and meant it for P.A. had exclusively referred to him as Momon since he took Narberal’s form while the original had constantly forgotten about this instruction. Looking up ahead he could see through the mist the high silhouettes of ships resting in the harbor. Just as he had hoped the mist he had summoned had kept the fishers and boatmen from leaving Taracona depite the sun having risen hours ago. He would have a large audience when he stepped on land.

As they passed the low wall separating the harbor from the open sea he adjusted his [Change Weather]-spell and rapidly diluted the fog. It took only seconds before the first humans on the pier noticed their approaching boat and pointed it out to their close fellows. In just moments Ainz had the sought after attention of the people of Taracona and listened satisfied to their excited whisper. Guided by mystical forces, his silent [Telekinesis]-spell, the boat stopped smoothly at a free docking space and he stepped off it before offering ‘Nabe’ a courteous hand while she followed him. He made a point of slowing sweeping with his gaze over all the spectators before he marched with proud strides toward them. The men on the wooden pier reverently made room for them and marveled with wide open, disbelieving eyes.

He headed for the center of the pier where the most spectators were standing and walked into the center of the ring the people formed as they backed off from him. He let them wait and once again slowly studied each of the wondering faces before he spoke loudly. “I am Momon! Known as the Dark Hero!”

He paused and let the words sink in while Nabe took his side. The people whispered and exchanged glances. After a quiet moment he continued. “I have returned from my exile to pass judgment on the rule of the Sorcerer King Ainz Ooal Gown!”

He wasn’t surprised the least when the whispers turned at once into surprised gasps and excited chattering. He even saw a Testudian, a turtle man, faint and drop and wobble on his shells edge as he reflexively retracted his limbs. Ainz was well aware how godlike his powers were to the natives of the world so his statement must have sound ridiculous to the listeners, especially when inhabitants of Nazarick had done all in their power to impress their own impression of him on them but he had expected their doubting reaction.

“If any one of you, no matter which race, have issues with your king’s rule I am hear to listen and confront Ainz Ooal Gown with them-”

“HA HA Ha ha ha….” laughed the audience, making him almost miss the clink of Nabe starting to unsheathe her sword. Reacting quickly he placed his hand on its handle and pushed it back inside while shaking his head.

“Don’t Nabe! You can’t fault them for never having seen a true warrior before!”

“But Momon, how can you stand this slight!” Protested Nabe with angry tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. “For a decade we have fought side by side in the demon realm and slew its great lords so they would be safe from another fiend like Jaldabaoth but instead of at least a little thank they make fun of you and cast your honor into doubt!”

Ainz couldn’t have been prouder of P.A. The way Nabe’s typical control cracked further with each syllable to finally explode into a passionate appeal to his sense of honor was the perfect drama he needed to get their attention and deliver his cover story without having to brag himself. He could stay the humble hero and hint at the same time he possessed even more power than he let through thus nurturing more trust in the people that he could make up on his promise.

“My honor is the least of my concerns if it can’t even stand the reasonable doubt of these people!” Reprimanded he her with played anger and added softer when he noticed the audience listen again. “Do not forget that Ainz Ooal Gown is indeed by far the most powerful magic caster in the world as you witnessed yourself. Even your exceptional talent pales in comparison to his. Or are you angry that only I carry his respect for my strength?”

She sighed and visibly crumbled as she admitted reluctantly. “No, Momon, that is not it. I only feel it is unjust that everyone seems to have forgotten you while we were journeying through hell itself on their behalf. Is it really too much to ask for some recognition?”

Ainz tenderly caressed her cheek and promised. “We will earn new glory and soon everyone will know of Momon and Nabe of Team Darkness again if that is what you wish.” Now it was his turn to mentally pad his own shoulder when heard the people awe touched by his romantic performance. Had he done it with any other female npc of Nazarick he would have certainly provoked a disastrous reaction. The real Narberal Gamma would have likely turned into a salt pillar as her mind would overload, Shalltear would have drawn any kind of mind scaring sex toy and Albedo… He didn’t want to explore that overflowing bucket of embarrassments.

She wiped off the angry tears with the back of her hand and finally nodded humbly. “I do. Why do I keep forgetting that you are just as wise as you are strong. Of course, punishing them would have done nothing to protect your honor. We will just have to work again to earn their respect.”

Ainz knew they weren’t just scraping on the border to cheesy but plunging right into it but if he had learned only one thing in his time as a godlike ruler it was that the commoner absolutely expected this kind of behavior from living legends and trying to act like any normal grounded person would only cast doubt on their larger than life image so he nodded enthusiastically in turn and said. “Believe it. They only need a little reminder of our skills and soon they will treat you like the magical prodigy you are, princess.”

Mentioned their names often enough? Check. Told them about their fake journey to hell? Check. Reminded them of his previous achievements? Check. Showed them his mercy and restrain? Check. Had their undivided attention? Also check. Now it was time for an actual show of power so he addressed the audience again. “It seems there still persists doubt on my capabilities and while I hoped my deeds would have left a longer lasting impression I don’t blame you. In fact I anticipated just that in light of Ainz Ooal Gown’s world changing actions which is also the reason why I took the detour to Taracona instead heading straight to Hoburns. Nabe’s divination magic told her about a warrior of considerable prowess who arrived in your lovely city and I wish to test my mettle against his. Can anybody point me to this man so I can ask him for a friendly sparring?”

“You mean buck knockout?” A woman from the back rows asked.

“Buck Knockout? No, I believe his name was Don-”

  
“Yeah, he’s looking for Buck.” Confirmed a sun baked sailor closer to him and pointed with a thump behind him to the other side of the harbor said. “He’s taken a room at the Chum Trug.”

“I see, so it is some kind of alias.”

“More of a title of honor but you’ll see when you get there.” Smirked the sailor. Ainz couldn’t fathom how ‘Buck Knockout’ qualified for a honorific but decided not to think too hard about it and began to walk in the pointed direction. It was an extremely diverse world after all and he had heard many, far more exotic names in his time, even excluding Yggdrasil. “Don’t slip!” Called the sailor after him.

Ainz had no idea why the people laughed at that but they seemed to be in good spirits and that would serve him. If they were at ease in his presence they would be less reluctant to share their true thoughts about the Sorcerer King with him and he in turn would have an easier time mitigating their worries and complains.

“An excellent performance, Momon.” praised him Nabe again in her usual cool voice again. “You have earned their affection with only a few words.”

“The same goes for you, Nabe. I even wonder how much more influence I could have built years ago had I traveled with you from the beginning instead of ‘N.G.’. In hindsight I could have saved myself a lot of stress.” Returned he the praise.

“I am sure she did the best she could. After all, we were created perfectly each according to different specific purposes.”

“True.” Acknowledged he.

They didn’t have to walk long and soon stood before one of the largest buildings in the harbor apart from the warehouses and halls. Although its paint job looked aged the tavern looked to be well kept and the name in bold blue letters over the entrance was easily readable so there could be no mistake of looking in the wrong place.

Little surprising the large hall inside was almost deserted at this time of day except for a portly bartender polishing glasses and a short but just as heavy waitress with curly blonde locks who scrubbed the grime from the tables with a bristle brush. Since she was closer and the man smelled heavily of beer even at the distance he chose to ask her. “Greetings. I was told I would find a warrior by the name of Don Idmee here. Could you call him down for me?”

Surprisingly She didn’t bat an eye when she looked up from her task and gave him and Nabe a quick scan. Even if she didn’t recognize him or wasn’t impressed by his armor and swords Nabe’s beauty should have never failed to get a reaction, admiration or envy, but the waitress just groaned and returned to her obviously unloved work and mumbled. “Second floor, room 4, the honey-moon suit. Do yourself a favor and try to touch as little as you can.”

“Perhaps I should have been more clear. I am Momon and this is my comrade Princess Nabe.” Said Ainz while pointing with one hand to the doppelganger. “I have come to test Don Idmee’s prowess. I doubt you would want us to do it in your rooms. It could get messy.”

She stopped scrubbing and spoke like she was tired of repeating herself. “Princess, I’m not saying your not a beau, quite the opposite, but I don’t think your up to the standards of Buck. Besides, he’s got his hands full with taking care of his own wife, so forget about earning a few silvers here. There’s no sheet work. Sorry if you wasted your time coming here, your majesty.”

The gears in Ainz’s head ground to a screeching halt as he processed the waitress words and when he saw from the corner of his eye Nabe turn to him with a questioning look he quickly protested. “I am not a pimp! We didn’t come to Taracona to sell Nabe but because I want to cross swords with him!”

“Even if he should swing that way-”

“To fight him! Not have intercourse!” Clarified Ainz fuming. How could these hillbillies be so obsessed with their sexuality to interpret every obvious question into shaming rudeness!

But what could he expect in a nation with a population of over 53 intelligent races not counting Nazarick. Even the ludicrous idea of setting any standard would have discriminated the majority of them in less or more heavily and even defining one would have been impossible. Instead they had to make the most general rule of not coerced consent under the ability to comprehend the act and add some individual regulations where biology required. But all else would have been a mad waste to bother about.

So Ainz calmed down and explained with efficient patience. “I, Momon, consider myself a warrior of exceptional level and merely wish to test my skill in battle against his.”

She focused him with lowed brows. “You’re not as stupid as trying to kill him, are you? In the end _they_ will find you.” The waitress was well aware of his power or at least the quality of his gear and as she had no power on her own she turned on the one gifted to her by the Kingdom. True Law. Ainz felt incredible proud to hear his subject rely on its big brother to care of it and keep it safe. He and Nazarick as his extension were the great equalizer of the world who had ended the endless struggle of the raising and falling of all the races and nations. Somehow he had created the most peaceful and slimmest government in all history he ever read about. He who did not need anything besides not dying was on the top. Right below him was an absolutely incorruptible, incredible effective bureaucracy of blissed workaholics and then came everyone else. Everyone was warm, fed and safe in the Sorcerer Kingdom.

“Of course not.” Assured Ainz and Nabe dutifully nodded.

To his surprise the waitress started to smile and pointed up the right stair way. “Nice. Then try to give him a good whipping, maybe enough to drive him out?”

“That sounds to me like you don’t like this man.” inquired Ainz.

“No I don’t.” Admitted she without shame. “Buck drove off all our customers with the dust falling in their drinks and the noise bothering all conversation since the guard payed for his stay and My Tips With Them! It stopped after day but by then everyone else was gone and hasn’t come back yet. It should be obvious we service personal live and die by the number of our customers, we don’t get the best room and food paid for by the guard, but does he take any interest? Noooaaaaahh…”

He headed for the stairs before the woman could force him by rule of politeness to listen to more of her whining. Ainz felt relieved that this warrior didn’t seem to be very charming. He could do well without a rival for the hearts of the people and one matching his stereotype at that. Another mage or a priest could have been fine, he could have even considered a team up, but not another black knight.

Nabe turned to him as they reached the 2nd floor. “Did it nor seem odd how unaffected she seemed? The same applies to the people on the street. Often repeated experience has been that most humanoid species react extremely favorably to the Pleiades shape but I can not confirm that here.”

Ainz had noticed and already considered possible explanations. “Not if they are affected by a mid level will buff but I have not detected any magic on them which points me to another possibility. It could be that they have been desensitized by a prior exposure to extremely high sexy levels.”

“Higher than Narberal’s sexy level?”

“Yes.” Nodded Ainz sagely. “That is what I believe. As I have confirmed in my experiments the people of Taracona could still be under the effect of an extremely strong natural charm effect making them immune to newer, weaker charms until it has run out. I didn’t think I would ever witness such an event in the wild but what happened here could very well top E-Rantel 6 six years ago.”

“The angel flash…” Remembered Nabe with hollow eyes before shaking it off and objecting, “But that would require a sexy level of at least 72 Sexymohs! That would be a huge leap from our highest mortal value we have confirmed so far of 59 Sexymohs.” The Sexymoh was a new unit Ainz had devised after noticing the cooldown effect of his theorized inherent sexy levels of all living beings. He devised the scale as a way of comparing their levels to know how to use their power most efficiently. Like the old duress unit of Moh measured what material could scratch another he measured which one’s sexy level exceeded another’s. Naberal Gamma had scored quite high with 72 Sexymohs securing her rank 18 in Nazarick after one of the homunculi maids and before Lupusregina Beta.

“You are correct, Nabe. Such a level seems highly improbable based on all our previous data but there could be another explanation. A class.”

“A class?”

“Yes, a class. If we compare not members of the same race but different races we see vastly different natural abilities but by use of training and learning special techniques the differences can be negated and even overcome. Now if we start with a member of a race of already high average sexy level like an elf and add special training in the arts of seduction and charisma worthy of a hero such a high sexy level becomes entirely possible. Thankfully this does not affect us.”

“So this Don Idmee could be in company of an adamant level courtesan.”

“So it would seem. Now hush.” Said Ainz as they reached the door to room 4. He knocked two times and then waited a few steps away.

Heavy, but fast steps could be heard from within and the door was opened without further question. “Hi; Don Idmee; how can I help you?” friendly asked a fully armored black knight and shook their baffled hands. His welcoming, open tone was totally at odds with the exquisitely worked dark plate and silver ornaments that gave him a domineering presence of refined brutality he would execute with the elegant long sword hanging from his girdle and the round shield on his arm. Ainz knew in a metaphoric heart beat he was looking upon a one of a kind item set and would have wished it at once in his collection but Momon could not murder for simple greed. Also he wasn’t sure if he even could murder him without a fuss. His gut told him the armor was powerful and it was entirely possible it could be magically resistant, giving his target time to react.

Ainz answered just as kind. “Good day. My name is Momon, this is my companion Princess Nabe. We have heard of your notable strength and came to ask you for a friendly sparring match if it is not too great a bother to you.” Time had proven again and again that acting civil never hurt and Don Idmee gave off no aggressive intent.

Surprisingly the knight shrugged and jovially said. “Sure, why not.”

He hadn’t really expected to get his will that easily but Ainz wouldn’t sniff at a gifted horse. “That is very considerate of you, especially after our long journey. I promise it will be worth your time.” Spoke Ainz as he lead them downstairs.

“You don’t say.”

“Oh I am quite certain of it. You should know I went toe to toe with the terrible Jaldabaoth himself and came out victorious. So if you want to rethink your agreement to spar with me…” Probed Ainz as they navigated the table groups in the great hall on their way to the exit. “No one could hold that against you.”

“I totally agree.” answered Don Idmee when Ainz focused him a last time while his hand rested on the door handle. He wasn’t sure what exactly Don Idmee agreed upon: Him explaining his caution of exercising his power or the offer to back out? Would the latter mean he was out or in? He had to know.

“So you are prepared to fight me to the best of your ability?”

“Yes!”

Good, He was in. Ainz nodded dignified accepting his decision and opened the door. When he saw the day’s light break on the slick polished black armor of Don Idmee like on an advertisement sports car he became even more greedy to get the item into his possession. Unfortunately he would have to be patient for the time. He could not risk a connection between Momon and the disappearance of a rising star in the mortal ranks. It wasn’t too bad as long as he would stay patient and kept remembering the human. Once something else held the attention of the kingdom he could sic Shalltear with a kill squad on Don Idmee and secure the item without undue attention or maybe just wait for him to pass away naturally if Ainz found to like him. He would do so not only to satisfy the collector in him but also because he had to confirm the source of the armor. Even from a distance he could tell it was of quality easily on par with the heirlooms Nazarick had acquired from killed Black Scripture Seats which begged the question: was Don Idmee perhaps a deserted Black Scripture member? If so it would be another reason to keep him alive so as to get at his knowledge of Slane and its capabilities.

Mindful of the situation the people at the peer vacated in a hurry when the three adventurers strolled toward the widest part of the harbor street. “If you would stay here.”/ “Okay!” pointed Ainz to one spot for Don Idmee to stand on and moved to a spot 30 meters away from it. When Nabe had reached a point 50 meters equal distant to both of them Ainz called. “Nabe will act as referee and will call the fight over when one combatant is clearly at the mercy of the other’s. If you don’t mind, of course.”

“I support you!” complied Don Idmee easily and Ainz wondered if he maybe had discovered a prime sample of a silly strong buffon stereotype. Could he find on the fly an excuse to to recruit this guy for the roster of his adventurer foundation? His current S.S.B. no longer qualified as strong by the standards of the rest of Ainz’s collection and was badly in need of an update. Don Idmee, should he prove powerful indeed, would have been perfect but he came up with nothing before he had to say something again if he didn’t want to sound rude.

“Wonderful! Then ready your weapon and wait for Nabe to signal the matches start.”

Ainz reached behind to pull Kisin and Flammenzunge and took an offensive stance, ready to pummel Don Idmee with every step and all his body’s coordinated strength. With Kisin in front of him ready to fend of any attack and Flammenzunge ready to strike he silently cast a low level [Change Weather]-spell to have a mild wind flare his scarf dramatically. He noted satisfied the admiration of the people as they stared baffled at him.

Don Idmee whizzled in acknowledgment and simply drew his longsword which while relatively conservative also had to be of fantastic quality motivating Ainz just so much more to bring his acquaintance to a definitive ending. He wondered if he could dominate him after their fight to confront him a 2 nd  time on basis of his wound ego after he was crushed by Momon. Then he could kill him in self-defense and rightfully in the eye of the public claim his items and even boost his reputation. But that would require restrain on his side. He couldn’t expect the public to believe Don Idmee would have fought him again after he had been beaten within an inch of life or losing major appendages. Instead he would have to have give the human a little stage and hold back so Don Idmee would get overconfident. Then when he revealed his true skill he would be utterly crushed mentally – perfect to justify a nervous breakdown and death by adventurer.

Ainz noticed that Don Idmee did not change his stance from a relaxed swagger. Nabe confirmed with a shrug she also had no idea what he was waiting for . Finally Ainz signaled her with a slight head shake to move on and she produced a simple brandy glass from inside of her coat and pronounced loudly. “The fight begins once the glass breaks! Fight with honor! Fight with skill! Fight with all you have! Fight!”

Nabe threw the glass to the ground.

Ainz heard it break and right next saw Don Idmee already half way to him with his sword raised to shoulder lever to strike out like a lance. By sheer instinct Ainz deflected the forward flying sword with Kisin so it just barely graced his helmets side before he consciously registered Don Idmee had just trumped him in speed and almost dealt him a supposedly deadly – for a human – head shot. He had to apply pressure on his own and stepped forward to swing Flammenzunge but Don Idmee blocked it with his shield while he already whirled around him and tried to stab him in a blind backward thrust in his armpit through the armors weaker joint. He succeeded but was too far away to penetrate very deep and thankfully only hit the air between Ainz’s bones. Using the momentum of the whirl in a second step to kick him in his knee pit and force him on his knee. He only got to briefly lock up before the blunt side of the shield crashed into his visor and propelled his head into the exploding cobble work.

Ainz felt he had taken some negligible damage but what really worried him was the casual speed of Don Idmee’s attack. He had studied the martial arts of the New World even though he was unable to learn them and watched the gladiators use them to test his understanding but either Don Idmee was using an extremely rare and powerful version or even more troublesome none at all and only applying sheer physical power. Both cases worked against his goals of displaying dominance but he wasn’t panicking.

For one: Don Idmee gave him ample time to rise from the ground and dust himself off. This was a sparring match so nothing was permanently at stake. For two: He still had Pandora’s Actor as his backup should anything really crazy happen and the human turn out an actual threat. And three: This was no unfamiliar position to him. Ainz was genuine professional of personal combat by now. 12 years of playing Yggdrasil and 20 years more to hone these basics under real risks had turned him routinized to accepting an inferior role in the beginning of a fight to gauge his enemy and adjust his own strategy. While Don Idmee had punched and stabbed him he had watched and gauged, branding a model of the human’s movement range and capabilities into his mind that would aid him in anticipating his future moves. Ainz had learned to use every information source about his opponents even the pain they dealt and since it was still a friendly sparring match he wasn’t above to ask: “What technique did you just use on me?” He chuckled and mentioned “You nearly surprised me their. That spin was a classic, of course but that stab was well timed although others might call it a hopeful waste of energy.”

Don Idmee stood stiffly and open with lowered shield and sword but answered friendly as always hitherto.” I used no technique.” Ainz waited futilely for further elaboration and.

“So it was indeed raw power? Then I should be on guard, don’t I?” wondered Ainz loud but in truth was not worried. If what he saw of Don Idmee performance really roughly corresponded to his base attributes and he was also indeed a pure warrior Ainz would have estimated him in the level 60 to 70 range. That was enormous for a native but nothing he was afraid of facing on his own even if he could not fight openly as the Sorcerer King. He had received personal training by Cocytus, a perfect warrior, for 20 years on almost a daily basis when he was not busy traveling and had fought several life or death battles before in his life. He acknowledged himself as a true veteran who was still perfectly in control and aware of all his options. Although he had finally reached a peak in his martial abilities where all training brought only unjustifiably small progress no matter the effort he invested Ainz was still now of the estimated ability of a true warrior of level 45 although he had no access to true warrior skills. He more than made up for it by applying silent magic buffs on him in advance or quiet moments like now.

Don Idmee answered. “You have to believe in yourself!”

“Oh don’t worry about me, I already do.” Laughed Ainz as walked into position for round two. “Nod, when you are ready for to go on.”

“Whatever you want!” nodded Don Idmee happily just as Ainz had suspected and he instantly dashed with Flammenzunge on point forward now aided by [Haste] and [Cat’s Reflexes]. Don Idmee’s feet ground into the cobble work as he blocked with his shield and pushed his arm upwards but Ainz had waited for the opening with Kisin ready to stab down into Don Idmee’s collar. Using the spin the human’s block had induced on his center of mass he pulled down Kisin like a wicked claw. Instead of naturally retreating Don Idmee fled forward so Kisin’s blunt side scrapped without effect over his back but it gave Ainz the opportunity to grab his head in an arm hold. Holding onto him Ainz jumped with his feet forward, crashing Don Idmee’s thorax with Ainz’s added weight and without guard in to the ground.

But the human was far from defeated and struck with the sword he had held on all the time at him forcing Ainz to release him and jump to his feet for more distance. Don Idmee stood just as swift and commented respectfully “You are very good.”

“And the same applies to you.” pointed Ainz out with a raised Kisin. Unfortunately even his current buffs, while sufficient to be reassuring of his victory, would not be enough to pummel Don Idmee in total submission at his current power without using potentially lethal methods but he could still soften him up and than pummel him even quicker and thus more intimidating when he would cast [Perfect Warrior]. At the moment he was still a mage wearing warriors equipment thanks to special properties. Kisin was a rare sword from Yggdrasil sought after for it seldom ability to be usable by mages. Flammenzunge and the new iteration of his armor on the other side had been created in the New World with only materials from here. Surprisingly they thus became independent from Yggdrasil’s item restrictions and usable for Ainz despite being a pure mage. Ainz counted that memory as one of his most important discoveries about the interaction of the Yggdrasil system and this reality.

“Onwards!” yelled Ainz and pressed forward in a brutal hail of sword strikes that sacrificed finesse for sheer volume and power. Ainz had to had to hand it Don Idmee he didn’t back one step off while defending himself but the assault was only a distraction for Ainz to kick the ground in front of Don Idmee and use the brief liquid state of ground as the shock wave pulverized stones and dirt to knock the human of balance with another hit.

To his surprise Don Idmee righted his fall with an actual back flip and propelled on his arms right back to Ainz and hit him full force with his boots in the face. The attack had actually hurt but the human gave him no time to whine about it. As he overshot Ainz and Ainz spun backwards due to the imparted spin moment Don Idmee grabbed his ankles and pulled the undead with him. Time seemed to slow down for Ainz as his vision flipped a 180 degrees from the floor to the ceiling as Don Idmee swung him on landing with his own stiff body as an extension flat on his back.

That crash really hurt but the human must have let go of his weapon for the move so Ainz tore his tights out of the grasp while he rammed Flammenzunge into the ground. Holding on to it he kicked himself off the ground and spun half a round around it while pulling himself closer. Just as planned the immense forces at work released Flammenzunge again just as he faced the to his feet swinging Don Idmee. With a second hefty kick he propelled forward to Don Idmee before would get time to adjust his position and swung with both swords for the human’s knees. Even a blunt hit here could end the match.

Ainz had wanted to make him jump so he wouldn’t have been able to evade his follow up attack but instead Don Idmee fell forward and hammered Ainz’s swords down to the earth with his bare fists and out of Ainz’s hands as he hadn’t expected the force applied to his grip. Annoyed but still in control Ainz improvised and caught onto Don Idmee’s helm with both hands and started to ram his knee into it before the human could react. He felt his whole armor ring with each kick into the human’s face and even if the helm didn’t show one sign of wear the head inside must have surely suffered greatly. At the same time he used the native skill of his undead race to apply negative touch on him since it was the perfect timing to sneakily apply that damage, too.

Four times did Ainz let human’s skull ring like a bell and almost felt secure in victory when Don Idmee suddenly broke the stun lock and hammered Ainz’s rib cage with shattering blow who certainly threatened to blow out the watching human’s ear drums. That had hurt even more and Ainz let go of him before he could land another such an attack.

As proudly as he could he backed a few steps off while Don Idmee also stood up upright. He didn’t show one blemish. His perfect black car paint still sparkled sexy in the sun while Ainz’s scratched armor now spotted real marks, most worrying among them a huge spider web splintering of his body armor were the human had just hit him. As a skeletal undead he was naturally more susceptible to blunt attacks but while bare fist should have counted as such his natural immunity to most magical weapons and un-enchanted equipment should have made him completely immune to any bare handed hit of Don Idmee, no matter how strong.

What meant that in conclusion? Either Don Idmee had trained in bare handed combat akin to a monk to a level Nazarick had never seen before, which was not impossible but felt highly unlikely at the moment, or he had used another special technique to bypass his damage immunity. The problem with that explanation was the similar lack of examples in their data base. Though they had indeed found a fair number of martial arts that in combination with gear of sufficient quality could hurt him they all relied on good weapons. Of course if was also possible it was due to an enchantment of the fantastic armor’s gauntlets that the human managed to hurt him but Ainz instinct’s nudged him otherwhere.

Perhaps it had been only his nostalgia but in his glorious armor Don Idmee looked at distance like a dark imitation of Touch-Me and this had reminded Ainz of an often used skill of his friend [Shatter Resistance]. The skill could be released by any weaponized attack and dealt mild true damage and lowered for a time the resistances of the target. It was part of the standard repertoire of most fighter specialist players in Yggdrasi as it was rewarded in many of the common warrior classes’s progression. Normally it would have needed something something like a sword, a staff or even just a club to be used but if a player selected at one time in their career the [Unarmed Combat]-skill their bare hands would have counted as weaponized just like a monk’s and many warrior players had indeed done so in his memory.

Could Ainz really have stumbled upon another immigrant from Yggdrasil? The apparent sheer quality of the gear would have pointed to a player or a very elite npc but it wasn’t congruent with the displayed power level. Now after testing the human’s strength and subtracting his guessed boost due to excellent equipment he would have pegged Don Idmee at about level 62 or 63. If he compared that armor and the sword also with anything Ainz Ooal Gown the guild had given to npcs of similar level it turned out painfully overblown and wasteful, and Nazarick had had one of the richest treasuries in the game history to equip their characters properly.

Noticing he was quiet for too long he was about to start some banter but then he realized that Don Idmee hadn’t spoken either. He just stood their again and waited in a similar open stance as he had used at the beginning of the match. Looking closer Ainz realized it was the exact same stance. Also: Why had it always to be him who progressed their conversation? Thinking about their short common history Ainz could not recall one time when Don Idmee had offered any constructive input or idea of his own even though he always remained civil. Ainz bet he would surely answer again in that gratingly friendly mood in a short content free sentence whatever he would ask him.

He decided to test his bet. “Even on the chance of repeating myself I offer you my respect for your strength. Would you answer this question: what made you seek out this path of power instead of a quiet and safe life like those people men like us protect?”

“Thank you! And I like your style!”

“I see. Would you answer me another question?” asked Ainz while he cast [Delayed – Silent – Touch Range – Morrocynds Unbinding] and [Delayed – Silent – Touch Range - Greater Banishment].

“Yes!”

He wasn’t talking with a human, he was talking to an illusion. Ainz suspected the thing before him wasn’t even a proper npc which was why it had no real self awareness and only limited adaptability. It lacked a real soul and had more in common with a reflection than a copy since the latter still had an existence of its own while a reflection lasted only as long as someone else was there to witness it.

“Want to shake hands?”

“Yes!” answered Don Idmee and walked at once to him with an offered hand. The easy compliance of the thing still baffled Ainz and he reasoned it had to have been instructed to act cooperative as long as a well defined border wasn’t overstepped. If true it would point to its purpose being merely to delay or to distract instead of being a short time guardian. Short, because the standard persistence time of the spell he considered was normally measured in minutes.

It was mood anyway as Ainz accepted the offered hand and secured it with his other hand. He unleashed [Morrocynds Unbinding] and saw ethereal purple silk snakes coil around Don Idmee. To Ainz’s surprise they didn’t turn to white flames after constricting once but only after the final and tightest attempt. The tier 7 spell would try to banish in 3 consecutively stronger attempts to erase any magical non-damage resistance protections. Since it was relatively low tier Ainz could easily enhance his spells with meta-magic talents and still cast them silently almost without effort. Normally his maximized 100 spell levels provided him with ample boni against all the new worlds considerably lower spell levels to secure an auto-success for the spell on the first try. This meant he was dealing with an extremely powerful unknown spell caster, most likely a pure caster built like him!

With all alerts set off in his mind Ainz wasted no more time and also unleashed [Greater Banishment]. In a matter of eye blinks Don Idmee’s glorious black armor turned into a high quality ice sculpture and then rapidly melted into a large puddle of clear water including his weapon lying not far away. All Ainz was left with for his victory was a wet hand shake.

Although Nabe started to clap while still keeping her composure the spectators clearly were perplexed what just had happened. Ainz couldn’t hold it against them. He had just fought a [Simulacrum], a tier 7 spell that created an imitation of a real living being and gave it substance by binding it to ice. Since it was beyond the 6 th  tier, the highest tier mortals seemed to be able to reach in the new world, it was almost guaranteed they had never heard about it. It also pointed to the existence of a high level immigrant from Yggdrasil. Since the Simulacrum had roughly 60 percent of the originals stats and unlocked levels and half of their HP at that level it meant the real Don Idmee had to be likely a max-level character like him and the unknown spell caster.

As unsettling as the epiphany was he still had first to finish his performance and set the people on the right path so he announced loud and slowly so everyone would hear and understand. “Do not be afraid. All is well. Don Idmee was no person, he was a magical construct, a very rare one at that: a simulacrum. Simulacri are imitations of real persons made of ice. They have no souls and self identity and are only tools of powerful spell casters.” At the mentioning of the spell casters the people started nervously to whisper but Ainz continued so no panic could take root. “Obviously the spells are no match for my enchanted gauntlets and I am confident princess Nabe rivals the caster’s formidable ability so you can feel safe: No rogue caster is free to act as he pleases even if he doesn’t fear the Sorcerer King’s retribution!”

The promise of safety from the ill-understood mysteries of magic broke the ice and the spectators finally joined Nabe in her stoic clap. Ainz enjoyed the hoorays and whistles as they were proof his plan to establish Momon as a symbol of hope and confident for their secret true thoughts was working just as intended. He couldn’t remember the last time things adhered for so long to script. Although something unexpected happened like in any good adventure and could turn out as the biggest event yet in his time as Ainz Ooal Gown at least his original plan had held together and was still on his way. He would mark the day with a big X in his calendar.

While possibly meeting a new player or npc for the first time on his own was extremely risky he still had far more confidence in his diplomatic talents than the fascist npcs of Nazarick. Albedo and Demiurge’s tyrannical approach was certainly effective when managing the millions of the Sorcerer Kingdom but he doubted a real max-level player or rival npc would react well to demands of absolute submission or that his npcs would adequately cope with genre-savvy nerds. Even if the guardians and protectors of Nazarick at their core had been creations of battle they were in reality green eared newbies compared to the battle experience of any mildly committed Yggdrasil player if they reached the max level. While some of the floor guardians had accumulated an impressive kill score, Shalltear lead with about 213000, most of those had been riffraff and worthy opponents exceedingly rare. Ainz on the other hand even before coming here had fought Thousands of player vs player battles and killed in his career several million enemies with most of them vastly stronger than the new worlds inhabitants.

Ainz had often considered the appearance of another player just as he had appeared after the six great gods or the greed kings and one of his first conclusions had been that there was probably no deadlier foe than another player. Even if some creatures in the new world should prove stronger than a level 100 Yggdrasil character he doubted anything could match the colossal battle experience of a player. The legends of this world fought maybe a hundred great battles in all their time. Most players did so on a weekly basis against opponents the natives would deem epic or god-like. Since the quite likely hostile actions or uncovered intrigues of his npcs could lead to their defeat or deaths and none could have any idea what world and mindset the players came from Ainz was the only viable choice to establish contact anyway.

Should it prove friendly he planned to keep the npcs from doing anything underhanded by declaring them possible new supreme guild members of the Tomb of power similar to their creators. He hoped he could save that information for as long as possible because if they thought their creators were all powerful how motivated would they be when facing an enemy of supposedly similar might? For now his npcs considered players as especially dangerous opponents from Yggdrasil and he would keep it that way for as long as he could.

It all would prove mood if he didn’t find the real Don Idmee and more importantly the spell caster working with him in the first place so he ordered Nabe by [Message] to scan the minds of the people for any information on the strangers while addressed his fans. Truth be told Ainz did not like reading minds himself. Although the information gained that way tended to be exceptional safe he always got glimpses and visions of far too many uncomfortable or indecent thoughts. Nabe didn’t seem to mind the split of work and carefully scanned dozens of humans and demihumans before the crowd their curiosity satisfied dispersed.

“You, the little man, are the true hero! Ha ha ha!” send Ainz the last happy smiling man off with a clap on the shoulder before he turned to Nabe and asked her per [Message].

[“So what did you find?”]

[Remarkably few, I am sorry, Lord Ainz.] bowed lightly Nabe. “The coherent collective memory seems to be that Don Idmee appeared several days ago one evening and started by winning an official fist fight with a single deadly punch.”] Ainz led them back to the inn while she continued [He is in company of a dwarf sized demihuman with apparently shoddy gear they consider some kind of pet. I advice caution on that estimation.”] Ainz fully agreed. The appearance meant nothing, he just had to point to Mare, about the power or potential of a character from Yggdrasil. While they crossed again the great drinking hall Nabe pointed over to the bar. [There he proceeded to drink and yell in company of a woman I kept getting conflicting memories of.”]

[“How so?”] asked Ainz while held open the door to Don Idmee’s quarters for Nabe as any gentleman would have done for a princess.

[“The individual memories of her are very anatomical selective. Some remembered only her feet, some aspects of her face and many her mammary glands and posterior soft tissue below the wais.”]

To his surprise the room was squeaky clean. So clean in fact Ainz doubted it was the work of any employee of the house but a spell’s. [“Can you assemble a model from the memories’s fragments?”] asked Ainz as he closed the door behind them.

Nabe thought about it for a moment and the nodded and replied “Yes, at once.” The black pearls of her eyes melted just as her skin, hair and clothes sizzled into grayish goo. She grew almost half a head and all her proportions tweaked slightly before she settled into a new solid form.

Nabe had turned into a maid just like the reports had said and yet she was unlike any of the Pleiades Allstars. Like the Pleiades, except for Entoma and Lupusregina, she looked like a human maid with rich brunette hair that had been combed over to her head’s left side but the perfection of her skin and her perfect symmetry made it plain to Ainz she was a creature of Yggdrasil. Yet while the Pleiades were famous beauties in the New World of unequaled beauty they paled in comparison to the piece of art Pandora’s Actor had turned into. Ainz was certain that unknown woman played at least in the league of Aureole Omega and Albedo and she wasn’t even moving! Designing her had to have been a tremendous amount of work, maybe even professional one, and Ainz reached a troublesome conclusion: Her player or creator had to have been a similar nerd as him!

Up to that moment Ainz had held on to the hope the new arrival could maybe have been a casual player, someone who lacked his detailed knowledge of the game mechanics and lore and didn’t wield high tier equipment, perhaps didn’t even reach yet the level cap. Finding her and Don Idmee had just become that much more important if Ainz wanted to keep at least his great head start in knowledge of the New World.

“Well done.” praised Ainz as he stepped closer. P.A. held up his limps as he inspected him. Touching the fabric of the uniform Ainz confirmed his suspicion it wasn’t made of normal tissue but had been woven from silk fine metal threads. Had it been the real item he could have used [Greater Appraise Item] to learn more of its qualities but in truth he was only fondling a transformed part of P.A. and so he quickly stopped and asked instead. “You didn’t mention a name of her or was that information also missing?”

“It was, Momon.” Confirmed P.A. as he resettled into Nabe’s appearance. “None of the mortal minds I probed could recall her name.”

“I see…” said Ainz but Nabe wasn’t finished.

“That is not all. I also could not find a face for Don Idmee.”

“This is hardly surprising. Few people knew Momon’s face and he still became a lauded hero. It could just as well be he never took off his helmet for the sake of anonymity.” Suggested Ainz but Nabe shook her head.

“This can not be the reason, Momon. The memories clearly showed Don Idmee arriving unarmored, in normal clothes.”

“Then how could no one have seen his face if they obviously saw him good enough to notice he wore no armor?” Wanted Ainz to know. “Did anyone see or feel something that could point to magic being involved?”

Again she shook her head. “No, but there were only two mages among the minds I checked and neither was exceptionally talented, so we can not be sure.” She halted thinking about something and then she added. “I noticed something peculiar. In none of the memories Don Idmee actually appeared. I always saw a vague shadow in place of him. Could maybe this point to a spell?”

Could it? Ainz searched his magical lore for memory altering spells but did not come up with much. He himself had two spells for that purpose in his repertoire and knew of three more spells from Yggdrasil that could alter the mind. He had tested the spells, [Alter Memory] and [Chang History], before like almost all of his spells and had discovered nothing similar to the phenomenon Nabe described. But he couldn’t out rule the other 3 spells having such an effect although he would find it strange for a deception spell to leave such an obvious proof something was off. Furthermore the 3 other spells were of higher level than [Alter Memory] which already did an excellent job and thus should have worked even better not worse.

“I don’t think so. I have reason to believe it is not the effect of a tier spell but rather an item or natural effect but I will have to consult my notes before further speculation. For now I doubt it was the work of the spell caster or even intentional. If they had wanted to disguise their presence here I suspect they would have had far more effective spells or items at hand than what we could detect and even if not: Why would they bother with masking Don Idmee’s identity but not the woman’s? They are obviously connected.”

“Perhaps they trusted in the simulacrum to keep investigators busy?” suggested Nabe and gave Ainz the perfect opportunity to practice dramatically wiggling finger number 6.

“No sane spell caster would consider a simulacrum a convincing illusion. In that role it should only be used for mindless creatures where the lack of self-awareness would not be obvious. It is best used as a more competent and discrete automaton used for a specific task.”

“Like a golem.”

He nodded. “Those are the servants used most of the time for task you could also employ a simulacrum for. And what does a golem usually do? Guarding and menial task like mining, burrowing, carrying or guiding so what could the fake Don Idmee’s purpose have been? It would have been an impractical spell if it had been to keep the room clean and we are not seeing anything worth guarding over.”

“We have not thoroughly checked the room.” pointed Nabe out but Ainz seriously doubted they would find any kind of hidden treasure coming from the newcomers. Why would a player or npc bother with finding a secure cache when they had their personal inventories and maybe even a guild base treasury at their disposal? The clean room would hardly have left any leads to follow, one’s he would be able to identify, anyway.

“That is not a priority, Nabe. The fact the simulacrum seemed to have been voluntarily confined to this room while being extremely forthcoming and cooperative makes me suspect its main purpose was to stand ready to accept a delivery.” Of course Don Idmee could have expected a terribly varied list of things: items, information or contacts but if it had been Ainz instructing the simulacrum for such a task he would have made it a lot more reluctant to agree to any strangers request and far more specific in its interaction. It lead him to the suspicion it did not wait for a singular event but something regular, something supposed to run as smooth and quick as possible with less attention for detail. “I believe it was here to accept the house’s food service for the convenience of the real Don Idmee.”

“The simulacrum would have accepted the food and drinks and taken care of the payment while the spell caster could have retrieve them at convenience with a spell like [Teleport] or [Gate] without having to bother about drawing attention.” Summed up Nabe.

“Which leads me to believe the simulacrum was merely a means of convenience and not part of an active defense of the strangers. It may very well be they are still not actively hiding so we should make haste to interview the most important leads in the city and move on before that advantage fades. Carry on, what happened after he met the woman?”

“Don Idmee left the Chum-Trug in company of the woman under the salutes of the other guest and proceeded with her to the pier where they bothered the whole harbor with their crazy monkey sex.”

“Cr-Crazy monkey sex?” stuttered Ainz disbeliefing. Had the player no shame or sense of decency? He couldn’t blame the npc but the former human of two must have dropped his inhibition along with his old life! Was Ainz chasing a sick weirdo? Someone like Peroronchino?

“I am sorry for my choice of words but it was the most common association I found in my tests. Afterwards Taracona’s guard commander Silcero Rosce escorted them as honor guard to the barracks. He had been staying in the Chum Bucket since then and drove off the other guest. It really seems he never left the house.”

“I see. That is really not much for a whole week but we will make do. We will meet everyone who actually talked to Don Idmee and the woman, that includes the guard commander and the bartenders. Someone must have prepared his beverages.”

“Should I inform Demiurge and raise the alert of our agents?” piqued Nabe.

“No, that could set them off prematurely if our agents took special interests in them.” Spoke Ainz hastily. He definitely did not want to involve the rest of Nazarick yet. Once a deadly conflict was unavoidable he would happily rely on them but for now their mind sets were far too different to a player’s to adequately deal with him or her. “In case we lose the trail we will wait and monitor the reports for exceptional individuals. They cannot stay invisible forever.”

“And when they reappear…”

“We will be prepared.” Finished Ainz grim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thanks again for reading my new chapter. I hope I made the sparring match interesting but I am very willing to hear your thought and maybe advice for writing battle scenes. Yeah, I am aware there were a lot of sexual references and jokes but sue me ;P. Besides having been fun for me writing them it serves to highlight Ainz asexual nature. Apart from that I hope I stayed reasonably in character of Ainz and Pandora's Actor as could be expected after 20 years. Since you had time to read the author notes maybe you will find some to leave a review ;)
> 
> Till next time.


	5. About tempting fate

“Cheap cheap cheap!”

He heard a bird chirp. He opened his eyes and saw over him in the mirror Astrid’s naked athletic perfection lying over his hairy mass that stared back to him. He absorbed her body’s warmth, felt a weak wind from the open windows tickle his skin and smelt their sharp sweat odor. He was awake. Awake at what day? How much time had passed?

He turned his head to check how deep she slept before he would would move but Astrid was already awake and grinning hungrily. “Morning, I’d hoped I would awake before you.” Said Don with a gentle smile.

“I didn’t sleep.”

“Then what did you-!?” He felt her hand deliberately crawl like a spider over his balls and she hissed.

“I waited.”

She was still horny and pushing to sate it despite a blurry eternity of raw instinctive thought for gods know how long just before! Her grin turned wicked as his private stood at attention and she leaned forward but he fled out of her reach to the edge of the bed in a merciful moment of clarity.

Don Idmee couldn’t go on like this! Even as he painful acutely felt his hips tense and he could count his pulse in his tip he clung to the thought there was still more to do. Ainz Ooal Gown was in charge of the world and they had no idea what his intentions for them were! Since he had seemingly already caused the death of Hundreds of Thousands the Sorcerer King could not have been of the squeamish kind which in turn didn’t bode well for Astrid and him. Yet they hadn’t even talked about it yet! After the amusing reception by Captain Silcero they had traveled home again by a [Gate]-spell from the room in the Chum-Trug they had been offered and she had tricked him into taking his armor off by pointing out several times how intense he smelt of booze. Astrid talked him out of cleaning him with a spell on the basis of “not wanting to trivialize his life” – prompting him in turn to take a bath. A big mistake as he acknowledged in hindsight.

“Darling, please hold on!” warned Don while he pulled his knees close to his chest and she froze like a tiger ready to pounce, testing him with intrigued eyes. “I think we should take a break from the bonding process which I vote as highly successful, mind you, and perhaps debate the pursuit of other, equally satisfying and stimulating activities.”

“I can’t imagine higher stimulation than this.” Purred she and bend her back before him like a cat in heat.

“Of course not, Darling. Individually nothing compares to sharing my bed with you but don’t forget the appeal of the different, the exotic! Just think how much more experience your anus can employ to enjoy when it has sat in Hoburns, has been tickled in the Abelion Hill’s micro life or rested on a delightful cool stone in the deep cave where no one would ever search you? The training alone would be worth it.” tried he to sell it. She looked up past his shinbone and did not look amused so he spoke more seriously. “If that is not enough how about the satisfaction of surviving in a bloody empire created by Ainz Ooal Gown who’s quite likely another survivor from Yggdrasil with a never breached super-fortress and an army of monsters?”

Astrid sighed annoyed but pulled herself up into a cross-legged position close to him and trapped him thus in his corner of the bed. “I don’t think it is healthy for you to think too hard about the wider scope. You know why you became a warrior and not a wizard or priest so trust it is for the best to leave those worries in my care.”

“You see, I’m just too much of an action oriented person to stay passive all the time so I need space for making and acting upon decisions.”

She rolled her eyes. “Like what?”

“Barest necessities like sleeping and eating.”

“I have spells for that.”

“Or defecating!”

“We could use a zippo-”

“No, thank you.” interrupted Don her. “I’m sure I prefer the natural way even though I don’t know what that is.”

“Okay, honey, okay, I understand, it is all good.” reached Astrid for his hand and began to softly massage the flat of it with her thump. “I will manage to busy myself in the time of your bodily needs. I love you. And when you feel more comfortable resting unproductive and slowly and stick to tradition instead of evolution I will tolerate it.”

Tolerate it? “Tolerate it?”

She burst into a snicker and punched him ineffectually but endearing in his chest. “Lighten up, Honey. Of course I respect your needs, I want you to be happy.”

“Yeah about those needs, I also need time outside our temple here to actually get shit done.”

“Mm-mmh” tilted the cute being her head with a warm smile.

“How fair sound 8 hours?”

“Each year? Very reasonable, yes.” Agreed Astrid.

How would he actually reason outside of habit he referred to a day? “No…”

“So per month?” Twitched her brow and her smile lost some shine. “That is… appetite enhancing at the very least.”

He braced himself and made sure to tense his facial muscles before he clarified. “It is per day-”

“EACH DAY!” Shrieked Astrid and tore her hand away to support her head. For a brief moment he actually feared she would topple over but then she suddenly pounced on him and threw him of the bed with her. Her hands pinned his shoulders to the ground and her eyes held his in an iron stare making sure he staid right where he was while she shoved her hips backwards. She warned him: “I’m a fertility goddess, the very nucleus of the concept of love, of growth and evolution but _you_ …” Astrid leaned down very low almost touching his nose and hissed very fast and very strained. “ask me to abstain from my very being like you would ask a bee to stop making honey or cats not to eat mice and cheese not to stink! But! I love you.” Exhaled she sharply and shook her head before promising with a paper thin smile. “And I will always support you no matter how stupid and uneducated and over-motivated your ideas might be.”

“I love you, too, darling.” smiled he weakly.

“I wasn’t finished.” managed Astrid to bark without raising her voice and reached behind her. “If I have to forsake my life’s purpose for so long I’ll need at least a last shot to make it through!” Her grip on him turned a tad too firm when she ordered with stiff lips. “So how about you start donating some fuel?” He could tell by her pre-cum gathering in his navel and the slickness of her vertical smile kissing his dick she was having the hardest time holding onto herself. Would she really comply and control herself while they were on the road? While Astrid inserted him and leaned back to support herself on his knees he wondered if he should heed her advice and trust her to keep check of the wider scope. Astrid had so far proven far more cunning than him, if not a little single minded, and Don was indeed an example of brawn and not of brain as a warrior _and_ he received in his old life only a thorough standard education but not much else. He had no idea how to act as a fugitive while she seemed perfectly calm about the threat to their life. Was she even aware the sex would end if they died? She couldn’t have forgotten about that in her quest for immediate satisfaction, could she?

Even as she began to heave and shove her hips down on his shaft she gave him the evil eye so he changed his mind about asking her and instead matched her movements. Don was sure she was barely holding it together and the unbroken and unblinking stare she focused him with the whole time while fucking him was downright scary. He would not risk setting off that powder barrel.

He had to placate his fuming wife if wanted her to stick to the breaks but words were almost certain to set her off. Gods knew what she was capable of in that state but what could he do to change that mood? He could hardly offer her a present when all he had was also hers as his wife and anything he could find in reasonable time she could probably conjure quicker with her magic. That meant the only other viable option would be a favor.

His hips slowed as he hesitatingly raised his hand from the bed to reach between her legs. He told himself he had probably done it before even if he didn’t recall at the moment and that it had been flopping around right before his eyes the whole time but it was still a chasm to jump for Don.

He grasped her penis and couldn’t help himself but smirk relieved when he finally saw a hint of approval flash over her stern features. Her member was soaked in thin pre-cum, a perfect lubricant for him when he started to stroke it. Remembering extensive personal experience he made sure not to apply too much brute force and pressed mostly her sides while he shoved up her skin till it barely covered her gland and he would squeeze it just a bit stronger. Astrid’s angry hip punches relaxed to a slower sinus as the severity in her face faded to fascinated rapture giving him the room to perfect his service.

Don twisted his wrists and matched his strokes to her thrusts using just the smallest off-time in their rhythm to keep it unpredictable and it was driving her crazy. Every few seconds he could feel fresh warm drops of clear cum when his hand reached her dick’s end and more and more random moans interrupted her deep breaths while her vagina’s juice ran in tiny rivulets down his hip. “Faster.” begged she. “Please, go faster!”

Don obeyed and began to polish her penis with more vigor. Astrid looked like she couldn’t grasp what was happening to her despite it being her who kept jumping up and down on his dick which felt simply incredible. He fared no bit better than her and moaned just as consumed by their union as she under every single thrust of her. The tingling along the whole length of his dick was almost unbearable yet still kept getting stronger with each time the folds of her vagina squeezed past his length with wet slurping noises.

At last he felt her rapidly thighten as she released a long primal grunt and crashed down on him a last time burying as much of him in her as she could. Her muscles constricted so quick and powerful around his shaft it overwhelmed all restrains in him and he too groaned like a beast when he felt a hot column shoot up his urethra. Don had no more brain capacity left to work her dick when he released into Astrid but he didn’t have to since she also fired her load and splattered his hand, arm and chest with her own sticky cum before letting herself fall on her back between his legs. Don was far too happy and relaxed to mind the mess she had created and since his whole body including his face felt at that moment more like jelly than a weapon of mass destruction he couldn’t have put it into words anyway.

For minutes Don just lay to let his body calm down from the orgasm while his thoughts wandered. Perhaps Astrid hadn’t turned out as he had expected; too sharp, too manipulative and too self-serving for him to ever hope to really assert his own will; but that did not mean he couldn’t find happiness with her. He still didn’t trust her but he had no doubt she would at least always act in his general favor if not the way he intended but maybe this was even for the best.

If he was honest with himself their situation scared him and he had no idea of his own he felt confident in how to react upon the fact Ainz Ooal Gown ruled most of the known world. The guard commander had told them the Sorcerer King was an undead and wielded god-like magical power and boundless wisdom. Going by the description Don guessed it had to be the guild master of Ainz Ooal Gown who hid behind the name of the guild but he was in the dark why he would use that alias when it was so recognizable to other players. In Yggdrasil Ainz Ooal Gown and the Great Tomb of Nazarick had been a legend, a heteromorphs-only guild with probably the best defended guild base in the game’s history and the largest collection of world-items any guild ever managed to collect. They set the record at eleven and since to his knowledge no-one ever managed to reach the final floors of Nazarick he had to suspect Ainz Ooal Gown still possessed them. The Feudal Lords on the other hand only ever managed to find one world-item and later lost it in a successful raid on their grounds.

What could he do if Ainz Ooal Gown sicced one day the combined might of Nazarick on him, Astrid and Snot? Don had every confidence in his battle skills but such overwhelming odds would still sweep him away. No matter what casualties they would manage to inflict on the forces of Nazarick in the end they would still be overwhelmed by numbers alone. They would never win in a clash of pure force should the Sorcerer King declare war on them so guile was the only other option left. The problem was that long term planning was hardly his strong point. Don acknowledged himself he was a very intuitive thinker and not a methodical planner. He excelled at on-the-fly thinking and improvisation but not pondering the ifs and whens of a distant future. He would never outsmart the genius of the Sorcerer King, not in Ten-Thousand years.

He felt Astrid stir and shortly after the length of her warm body lie down on him and he finally opened his eyes from his doze when she lightly pressed her lips upon his. “Oh? You here? What were the chances?” Joked he softly.

She pressed another soft kiss on his lips before replying. “Don’t try your hand on wit, Honey. That’s what you have Snot for.”

“Ouch.” Chuckled Don in good spirits. “You wound me, Darling. Do you have any idea how deep your words cut?”

“I’m just pointing you to your forte.” said Astrid with fake indignation and shoved her hand between their breasts to futilely try to squeeze his pectoral muscles. “And I find it hard to believe anything could hurt you, Honey. You are built like a tank.” She was right. In retrospect he was glad he did not chose a bishonen pretty boy or some cartoonishly over-proportioned musclehead for his avatar like most male humanoid players. Instead he had chosen and slightly modified an optimized replica of his original face on a tall but strong boned body perfected for functional strength and since he had worn his head shaved for all his real life choose to go the opposite way with his avatar, picking the thick moustache and hair and almost maximizing the body hair without looking ridiculous. He briefly shuddered in his mind at the thought of exchanging this incarnation of pure testosterone for an underage dandy or a steroid-enhanced shaved gorilla. In combination with his apparent curse outside his armor he would have constantly either had to fend off rape attempts or been chased away with pitchforks and torches.

Astrid pulled him back from those uncomfortable fantasies when her other hand started to play with his hair. For a while they said nothing and just looked each other in the eye to find the same content they felt themselves.

“Have I told you before you are beautiful?” asked he finally.

As answer she nudged his nose left and right with her own. “Go on.”

“Astrid, you are beautiful.” Said Don for it was his truth. Yes, he had her created her to be his perfect fap fantasy and the aftereffects of the sex still might have influenced him yet still he felt a deep connection to her when look in in her eyes he couldn’t explain by those two factors alone. He was falling for her.

“Thank you. …” was all she said.

“No compliment for me?” fished he a little let down.

“Don’t push me, Honey.” Defended Astrid herself. “I’m still trying to find something.”

“You’re not only beautiful but you also have a big mouth!” Accused he with mock anger and clapped both her ass cheeks for emphasis. She squealed surprised and he had to grin when she briefly looked back to his hands possessively clinging to her ass.

“And you are a big dick.”

“That’s your answer? You still have time to think about it.”

“Nah, I can’t find anything better on you.” rejected she his offer. Don wasn’t sure if she was serious or just teasing him but before he could ask she gifted him a third long but soft kiss and said. “So do you have any thoughts what to do about my big mouth, big one?”

He was about to ask what she was talking about when he felt her harden again and her soft smile turned into a cheeky grin. “Already?” asked Don. “I am still sticky from the last time, I can still feel you drip on me but you are on it again?”

She chuckled. “Oh relax. I am only releasing some tension. You won’t have to lift a finger.”

“I won’t lift anything. My whole body still feels like jelly.”

“Not to me.” Ignored she his protest and began to rub her erection against his navel. “It still feels rock hard. Are you sure you thought through this break idea? Just admit it is far better to stay here with me.”

The thing was she wasn’t wrong. Don would have liked nothing more than to simply entertain himself with Astrid. The finest cloth wouldn’t compare to here soft skin, the most delicate food taste bland after her tongue and the greatest glory pale to the satisfaction she eagerly provided him but if they forgot the outside world their wonderful time together would perhaps not last very long. How she could still remain so relaxed was a mystery to him. Was she so obsessed with sex she was willing to ignore their pressing problem or had she really things under control as she hinted? It was this unease that motivated him to throw her off him and jump out of the bed. “Yep. And since I stink and need a shave, too, I’m using the bathroom. Alone.”

“Like I needed to see you lighten yourself.” Rolled she her eyes let down and continued with a propped up knee to please herself. “Go on. I will manage. I have to since I love you.” sighed she clearly bugged.

“Thank you, Darling. Love you, too.” Said Don quickly and hurried out the room.

After securing the bathroom’s lock behind him he first send a prayer to any god, besides Astrid, listening for having made him pick a semi-medievil but essentially modern furniture and equipment for the room so wouldn’t have to scrub his back in a cold, wooden tub and ease himself into a pot. He brushed his teeth while filling a hot tub and after he had washed himself thoroughly tried to shave himself with the provided shaver.

The razor blades ended as a brief tiny glitter shower as his chin hair cleanly cut through them instead. He quickly solved the problem by using the smallest, legendary dagger he could find in his inventory but decided to pass on the lower shave for now.

He felt like a newly born man when he closed the bathroom’s door behind him in the same outfit he wore when exploring Taracona since it had been okay before. The bed was perfectly folded but empty when he looked into the bedroom so he headed downstairs to the kitchen where Astrid was just beginning to prepare some scrambled eggs and toast. Fortunately she wore her maid uniform.

While he headed for the cupboard she reminded him without looking. “Three.”. He had planned to do so anyway and placed three sets on the table including pots and silverware before he opened a window and send out two sharp whistles. “Come, Snot!”. Just a few seconds later he saw Snot sprinting past the great kitchen window to finish his patrol and shortly after jog into the kitchen.

Astrid reminded at once “Leave the weapons.” and Snot dropped his shield and spear into his inventory. “Now sit.”

The toadie picked one of chairs far from the window and greeted “Sir, good morning Sir! Nothing to report, Sir. I hope you had a productive recreation time, Sir. - How’s it going, Astrid?”

She presented with a skeptical face he horizontal slightly wiggling hand. “Meh, could be better. You?”

“Unproductive but highly motivated.” answered Snot truly sounding like it.

Don had to consciously press his lips together and count to ten with closed eyes before could ask civilized. “And why haven’t you thought of a more productive way to spend the time than patrolling around the house?”

“But Sir, I have to ensure your safety while you are off-duty, Sir!”

“That’s a noble intend, Snot, but anything you can handle is most likely harmless to us even if it really tried and if the attacker could be dangerous to us he would probably one shot you before you could warn or support us.”

The toadies ears sunk down and he lost his beaming aura. “Ooohhhh…. oohhh…. o…” Snot turned before his eyes into a shame filled heap of misery but the point he wanted to press into him was too important so let him off the hook yet.

“There are a worrying high number of individuals and creatures in this world who could kill you in an eye blink, a death so quick it wouldn’t even pay us a little more time. I understand and feel with your drive to protect us – I feel the same for Astrid and you – but if you stick to the idea of being our first line of defense you’ll cause me in the end more harm than any foe could inflict on me.”

“Sir, what am I supposed to do instead, Sir?” asked Snot meekly.

“Well…” Don realized embarrassed he had voiced his opinion and critique without thinking of a solution.

“Try to think in broader terms outside your duty and strive to do what brings your master the most happiness or averts the most damage. If you can’t fight for him without dying a pointless death try to think of other ways how you can support him or me.” Filled Astrid the awkward pause. “Pay attention to him and listen not only to his words but also think of what their motivation might be. But that is of course just one way how you can be a good squire.” finished she and began to serve the egg and toast.

Don set down the water carafe and took the seat next to Snot before filling their cups. He hadn’t found anything to drink or eat and was actually at loss where Astrid had found her meager ingredients so everything he could contribute was tap water.

“We need some groceries.” Commented he as she took the place opposite him. “I can only live a limited time on just fresh air and love.”

“That would be a waste of time, Honey.” Replied she while she shoved some egg on her dry toast. “We won’t be home for much time the coming weeks. Since you insist on a more active role we will have to avoid drawing attention to the house if we want to avoid it getting wracked.”

“So what’s your plan, darling?” asked he before tasting the egg which was terrible. It lacked any oil, butter or spices and he decided to stick to the toast.

“If Ainz Ooal Gown really enjoys the service of powerful secret police as I suspect it is likely he would try to remove us outside the public awareness. That is if he really decides to take aggressive actions against us, mind you, so what we need is an insurance policy to guarantee that way is denied to him.”

“Easier said than done. If he really came here with his whole guild base and it inhabitants as we he will have a small army of servant of similar level to us and a formidable number artifacts to employ.” Pointed he a little disheartened out.

“But even the Sorcerer King can’t control each and every soul in his kingdom.”

“And how do you intend to achieve what he couldn’t, Darling, never mind what you are even talking about.”

“An idea, Honey, can achieve what he could not and he made it possible in the first place.” Smirked she with a triumphant brow wiggle. “Instead of trying to hide we could go full public and expose our existence and power without breaking any law to as many people as possible so it will be impossible to stop the spread of information.”

“And since crime has been almost eradicated in the Sorcerer Kingdom us going missing could only be linked to the activities of the government.” Continued Don as he began to understand.

“Thus making it impossible to get rid of us silently.” Continued Astrid pleased to eat her egg toast.

“And what will stop him from killing us in public?” asked Don still being skeptical. She hadn’t told them till now any idea on how to actually prevent Ainz Ooal Gown from taking offensive actions against them.

“Good old fashioned diplomacy.”

“You want to talk?” Asked he confused. “That’s your plan? Sorry, Darling, but that’s a real disappointment for me.”

“Not in person, no, but there are other ways to send a message. We know we can’t survive in a straight all out fight so triumph over Ainz Ooal Gown is impossible but we can make our defeat so costly he will never consider starting a conflict with us.”

The threat of mutual destruction was a dangerous game, earths own history had been prove of that like the 5 minute war between India and Pakistan in 2047 and could easily backfire. “What if such a threat is what triggers him to action in the first place? Maybe he even longs for action. I reckon it must get boring once you have won everything.”

“That’s taken care of so don’t think too hard about it?” padded she patronizingly his cheek while he chewed.

“Say again?”

“Sir, it is taken care of, Sir!”

“What have you done?” Pointed Don a paranoid finger at her. “What have _you_ done?” Pointed he with growing horror at Snot.

Astrid grinned and carefully pushed his finger down. “More than enough and nothing you would need to know. Oh don’t look so sad, Honey, we kept you in the dark for safety. You can’t tell what you never knew.”

Those bastards had excluded him from his own adventure! Somehow they had acted without his consent while he was out of commission and now they refused to let him in on their plan? If not for him they wouldn’t even exist and thus no plan in the first place! How dare they to sideline him! She considered him a greater risk than Snot and his supposedly loyal retard of a squire was willingly cooperating! “How?” managed he to articulate between grinding teeth.”When?”

“But that’s the point, Honey. You are not supposed to know-”

“Damn it, Astrid!” exploded Don and crashed his fists on the table. “I am the man in the house! I demand respect and that means I need to be involved!”

She fondled his trembling fist without hesitation and spoke as sweet as sugar. “But you are, honey. Each of us does their part for the whole. I am the brain, Snot is our face and you are our brawn-”

“- I am the brawn? -”

“-naturally. You are our secret trump card no one will expect. No one would ever think you could be competent for anything. So you see we are all equal.” Continued she unperturbed by his outburst and placed a quick peck over his brow, right next to his pulsating arterial. “More or less.”

Astrid continued with all the time in the world to prepare a second egg toast and turned to friendly introduce Snot to his first table manners while Don was still busy regaining control of his quaking mandible.

It was not working. He needed to get out and calm down before he said something he would rue. “Excuse me.” spat he taut and rose from his seat.

“Everything okay, Honey?” Asked Astrid friendly while looking up from her lecturing.

“I am fine. Just doing a digestion walk.” replied he jealous of her cool.

“Snot, stay! Good boy – Have fun, Honey!” called Astrid after him in good spirit.

“I WILL!” barked he back in a fouler mood before slamming the front door shut behind him. “Arrogant bitch! Who does she think she is to speak down to me like that and in that false sweet tone! She knows how it enrages me!” Grumbled he fuming while marching to the edge of the floating island and jumping off in a titanic yet casual leap. “Doesn’t even matter if she’s doing it by accident or on purpose! It sucks either way but I bet she knows. Oh yes, she knows!” Complained he further while gravity slowly claimed him back and led him down on a parabolic trajectory. “And what decent squire back stabs his master in the back? The little pus bladder rambles all the time of becoming a true knight and doesn’t even know about loyalty? Example student my ass!”

Don barely noticed when he crashed into the ground miles later and walked on forwards through the dirt reaching to his nipples and any tree, bush, squirrel or gnome settlement afterwards without acknowledging anything in his fog of rage. The uttered obscenity of that day has thankfully been lost to the diligent work of alarmed moral guards.

Thankfully while venting his anger an awareness blossomed in Don that it wasn’t just Astrid and Snot embarrassing him. He was too. His recognition of the outside world returned as he realized how shamefully immature his outburst and escape had been. He was a grown man, he should have had more control. Was this the reason Astrid had decided to work with Snot instead of him because he was an emotional flatline compared to Don? But what would Snot even have been capable of doing? Could she really have instructed him well enough to compensate for his effective Asperger syndrome to facilitate a scheme?

Don checked off the day in his mental book as officially screwed. He had lost face in front of the family and was sure would feel it for a long time. It was quite humbling to once again have been reminded that even as a living god life could suck.

He kept on walking more carefully through the forest while he brooded in his self pity and anger he even acknowledged as such for he simply needed time to digest his mistake and learn his lesson in peace.

But then he wasn’t alone anymore. He had brushed past a shrub and found himself in a tiny clearing and opposite him saw a beautiful young woman with ebony hair and pale white skin who held a compact umbrella. She looked like an exotic royalty to him in her red and pink kimono of highest quality and her cool heavy eyes added a dignity that proved her divine investment. “Good day, your majesty.” Managed he to greet with a dry throat.

“And good day to you, too, Sir.” spoke a deep and rich voice with a slight metallic hall. Praying it didn’t belong to the empress before him he turned to her side and noticed her decidedly more massive companion, a knight in a worn looking adamantium full-plate armor and two swords strapped to his back. Judging by the materials the whole set would have been nothing to take note of by the standards of Yggdrasil but he had to admit that the shabby scarf looked really cool.

“Oh, yes, sorry, hi to you, too, Mr. ...” said he hastily. It seemed he had stumbled upon a pair of adventurers. He was assuming so since he saw no reason why a noble lady would stumble through the middle of a forest when even he had no good reason to, but a spell caster, who often also tended to wear fine and expensive robes, could quite well have a reason to comb a wild forest – hunting monsters for bounty and loot in example. Also on closer inspection her clothes seemed to be of suspiciously similar high quality materials as the warrior’s cementing his gut feeling of standing in the presence of true to the book adventurers.

“...Momon.”

Don could barely believe his good luck. He had found some veterans adventurers of this world, people who must have surely earned respect and glory and were taken serious! If anyone could give him a hint how to handle difficult personalities it should be them. They had to have socialized with the powerful and driven all the time, didn’t they? Quest givers, supporting natives with a stake in the quest and the usual evil madman had all to be far worse than a demanding partner at home, right? “Sorry, Mr. Momon, I just spaced out a minute. I can hardly believe I found two real adventures in the middle of the forest. I mean what are the odds, right? It’s such a big space, miles and miles and more miles and when you have to square everything for scale the chance to meet… Oh sorry, I am rambling.” Crumbled his content devoid speech pitifully when he saw Momon and the empress exchange a glance.

“It is fine. I can understand your bafflement at meeting us but it is not so random as you believe.”

Said Momon in most likely the coolest bass Don ever heard. “My partner, Princess Nabe, found you with a [Detect Life]-spell and we have been aiming for you since you entered its range.”

Don nodded agreeing. “Yes, yes, I can see how that would tip the odds.”

“Of course we did so with reason.”

Don bet they did. They probably thought he was one of the victims they came here to rescue. Amusing as it was to think of him playing the damsel in distress he decided to act mature and not mislead them from the true goal and continued for Momon. “You are looking for someone, right?”

He wondered if he had been too bold when Momon and the princess, and maybe future empress, exchanged a second glance in the awkward pause before Momon asked. “And how would you know that? It would be easy to find that suspicious.”

“Now hold on, it is not. I mean look at you! Have you looked at you or a mirror lately? It is obvious you are two bad-asses – you must know that at least! - and what would two bad asses do in the middle of the wood if not looking for something or more likely someone?”

“The man has a point.” spoke the princess in a cool and precise voice that was wonderfully infliction stripped and to the point compared to Astrid’s convoluted chant of lies.

“Hn, We _are_ bad asses.” Saw Momon his point. “So you seem to have grasped the strokes of our being and way till here but we still don’t know how your story unfolded.”  
  


“I am so glad you asked!” Confessed Don and let himself fall in a cross-legged position. He padded the ground next to him to warn. “Better take a seat. Tthis could take a while.” For a moment Don feared they would decline but then Momon really went down to his knees and when Nabe had followed him Momon nodded signaling him to begin. “So you should know I could have had a nearly perfect life if I just made a few different choices. I started when I forgot about a single item when writing our marriage contract. I really should not tell you any details but that line will always hang over our marriage.”

“Actually I can relate…”

“I’m slowly managing to adjust but that isn’t the real issue. The real issue is her being a lying, conniving, manipulative, impulse-driven bitch and I’m using the word ‘bitch’ in the most neutral definition here. I ask her ‘Can you please do this?’ and she will do ‘that’, especially not-involving me in the big decisions of our shared life. She treats me like I am incapable of taking care of myself or noticing danger! I often feel like a tool to her!”

“Maybe you are a tool.” Suggested the princess but Don waved it off.

“No, I think deep down she really loves me but she acts behind my back all the time and refuses to to let me in. And now she even turned my servant against me! I thought he was loyal but what do you know.” Confessed Don his sorry existence. “So I went out for a long walk before I would do something I will regret later.”

“Momon, we should leave.”

“Agreed. Sir, it has been a pleasure but duty calls.” Stood up Momon and the princess and Don felt an instant stab of panic hit his chest.

“Wait, please!” pleaded he as he rushed to his feet. “I was hoping you could give me an advice on earning respect. I’m not even asking for glory, just some recognition as a person. I am quite willing to offer a favor in return. That is a generous offer, trust me.” Don was sure even Momon and Princess Nabe would be impressed if they saw a demonstration of his abilities so a favor from a power house like him should be worth a few minutes of their their time any day.

“No one wants your favors.” declared the princess a damning judgment and Don’s buckling legs forced him to his knee again.

“Why?” Had she to be so mean? ‘No, thank you.’ would have been sufficient.

“Nabe, our acquaintance is clearly lacking the steel for your impartial analysis. Maybe you could rephrase your answer.” suggest Momon with crossed arms, tapping his fingers.

The princess bowed lightly for Momon and elaborated. “As you wish, Momon. You,” She pointed a stern finger at him and regarded him with slit eyes like an insect in a bottle. “have by my social predictions an extremely low life expectancy making the likelihood of using that favor very slim. In turn it is not worth the effort to help you.”

“But you could have used the same time to give me a hint! You would had the exact same effort!” Objected Don in equal measure in-dignified and desperate.

“But this way it was educational.”

“For whom?!”

“Nabe, it is time to go.” Cut in Momon.

“Before you go: what did you even came for?” wanted Don to know at least before they abandoned him empty handed.

Momon didn’t even stop walking away while answering. “We are looking for a rogue warrior on the run. I have reason to believe he is extremely attractive so you can stop worrying,”

“If you keep to that direction we could go together and ask my wife for help!” Called Don after them. “She might be a handful but she knows her stuff!” Don knew precisely it had been a sad attempt to keep their attention but he had to become more resilient if he wanted to regain his status at home and there was no reason not to start right now where he had become aware of his deficit. He wouldn’t be cowed anymore at the first sign of opposition.

His karmic value must had tipped over for he saw Momon and Nabe stop. He concentrated on his hearing and listened:

“Maybe we should head north instead.”

“That appears indeed more promising.”

They took a sharp left turn and vanished seconds later in the forest leaving behind a very bitter man.

“Just once…” Cursed Don to himself. “I want to be treated like fellow human being! I am friendly, I don’t stink, I’m not sick! Give me some god damn decency! Just the minimum! This is no way to live.” He could not go on like this and forever be treated as shit once he left the prison of his armor. It would be no life worth living. But what could he do?

The class feature of [Cursed Knight] didn’t just pile a charisma de-buff on him, it simply nullified the entire attribute when he wasn’t wearing at least one part of his armor! Charming Items would be of no worth to him hence. He would need an effect that affected other people instead of him, preferably something he wouldn’t need to consciously activate.

Once again Don cursed his inability to cast spells of any kind. He was sure he would have had something to help had he been a spell caster or a bard but then he wouldn’t have had this problem in the first place. With nothing else to do while walking back home he pondered his options. He could always wear just one or two pieces of his armor to circumvent the curse. His boots would likely be the most handy option but that solution would always just be a stop gap. Don wanted a normal life where he had the same chance of being liked or hated as everybody else without having to wear metal all the time.

Another way could possibly have been to commit suicide and have Astrid revive him with a spell. In Yggdrasil players would lose a few levels when reviving allowing them with some effort and additional training to regain the lost levels to respec their characters. That way he maybe could have lost his [Cursed Knight]-levels but Don wasn’t yet so crazy as to tempt fate so callously. Giving up the center piece of his build and his max-level would severely weaken him which would not only have been unwise in their uncertain position but also grated too much on his pride to be ever be viable choice.

Since he had no idea how to do magic the only option left would be an item or maybe some kind of familiar he could easily take with him. The hope of finding a remedy this way dimmed when he combed his personal inventory for a piece that might work and found nothing but he still had the larger treasury at home left to search giving him a little solace when he stood 4 hours later again before his home’s door.

With his mind finally clear he stepped inside. Snot sat on the chairs and looked up from the huge book on his knees. “Sir, welcome back, Sir!”

“Thank you, Snot and hello, too.” said Don. He was a little surprised to discover the open page in the book had not one picture but he didn’t dwell too long on it and headed to the living room opposite the kitchen. As his gut had told him Astrid lay there on the long leather sofa. She had her eyes closed but wasn’t sleeping as he could tell by her lightly bobbing head and conducting indexes.

As he walked closer her eyes opened slightly and she asked “Let it all out your system?” He had expected a genuine tease but heard nothing of the kind.

After a brief moment of surprise he answered. “I hope so.” Astrid raised her legs so he could sit down before parking them on his lap. He caressed them as the first opportunity to busy his nervous fingers as he struggled with the temptation of procrastination.His pride barked like a rabid dog at the thought of submitting to her as the authority while his rationality pushed back with a sheer endless drone of good arguments. ‘She can do almost everything with magic while you hit things.”, “She might be a genius while you are you’, ‘She isn’t by default a social pariah’… ‘BARK BARK BARK BARK STOLE MA BALLS BARK BARK BARK!’

“Astrid, please help me lift my curse.” Blurted Don out so the two would finally shut up. “I can’t stand it anymore. Everyone I meet spits on me one way or another all the while I am really trying to be a nice guy. But it is getting so hard! I have no idea how long I will be able to swallow it before I’ll snap and I am scared to death what I will do then!”

He turned to her and felt almost as afraid hearing something like ‘But then I couldn’t torment you no more’ while Astrid reached for his face and cradled his cheek. It was hard to hold her gaze while she studied his face with an unreadable face but then she pulled him down with careful force and bedded his head on her chest with her arm holding him close.

“Even my magic cannot lift your burden, Honey. What you call a curse is an essential part of your being you can’t get rid of without damaging your own soul.” explained she slowly and softly.

“Figures.” Sighed Don as he had expected just the same since it was not the result of a spell but to hear it from his best chance of proving him wrong still could excuse a slight disappointment as he felt. At least it felt good to have her actually listen and think on his behalf. Really good.

“But there might be a workaround.” For a heartbeat he was about to jump excitedly up and demand absolute faith in her theory but Don reigned in the horses and kept his expectations low so he couldn’t be disappointed to hard. “You have probably thought yourself of wearing at least one armor piece all the time and while this isn’t what you envisioned I could offer some comfort tweaks.”

“Details, Darling…” reminded he.

She pulled playfully at his hair and mused. “I could use an empowered [Alter Shape]-spell to give for a limited time a piece a more common appearance so you wouldn’t have to wear plate armor all the time.”

Why hadn’t he thought of that. It was so obvious! But would the magic resistance of his armor interfere? No, in Yggdrasil that spell should have counted as a friendly buff and if those rules still applied it shouldn’t be influenced by the resistance. Don dared to hope. “Darling, you are my savior! Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Why indeed.”

“If we pick the new form smart I could have a normal life! I thought of wearing my boots but this I way you could turn them into socks and I could wear them under normal cloths! Yes! This solves everything!” jumped he from the sofa and shook his whole body cheering Don didn’t care if it look stupid, he was happy!

“We will use your codpiece.”

“My codpiece?” asked he cheerfully in a break from the power pumping. “Darling, why would I use my codpiece, as underpants I assume?”

“Honey, the chance of having to take off your socks is simply much higher than for your underpants.” pointed she out while he sat down next to her.

“And I guess it is pure conjecture it would also effectively prevent me from using my charms on other women.”

“You are right!” marveled Astrid with a thoughtful finger on her chin. “It _would_ prevent such behavior. Thank you, Honey, for pointing that out.” Don was 99% certain she knew well before his hint of that consequence but he was in too good a mood to start an argument about personal rights now. A part of him wanted to fight for the boots just to try and stay on the top but the rational part pointed out his likely defeat in a verbal spar and he resigned himself to her idea. He hadn’t planned or even hoped for the chance to be unfaithful, anyway, and she had a point about the chances of having to take off an article.

Don retrieved the codpiece from his inventory and handed it Astrid. “Please try to transform it into a skin friendly fabric.”

“But of course, Honey. I wouldn’t want your bloody ass to sully our sheets.” Accepted she the metal and looked it over from all sides.

“I see you’ve got my idea.” said Don and earned a prompt answer from Astrid in the form of a shrewd glance that said. ‘Oh, please.’

She put the armor piece down on the flat table before them and pointed her hand at it. Six turning rings of golden glowing magical runes appeared over the length of her arm for barely a second before paling to nothing while instead the codpiece started to glow ever brighter in the same golden light.

After just a few seconds the blinding light faded again. Don picked up his transformed armor and skeptically looked it over before dangling the note sized black triangle with the three attacked laces before Astrid’s face. “No.”

“But it would look so well on you!”

“No!”

“And allow you to breath.”

“I only inspire through my mouth. No!”

“Think of the ergonomic benefits!”

“No! Change it. Now.” Kept Don refusing and let the almost nothing sail slowly down to her lap.

“Fine.” Sighed Astrid and stole the thong from the air before it could land. The room glowed for a second time and this time Don found the result to be acceptable. She had turned the thong into a pair of boxer briefs without any lace, cutouts or other fetish services. The fabric was smooth as silk when he ran his fingers over it and light as air, assuring him it would be a most comfortable wear. They would work perfectly!

Don was so happy he pulled without thinking his unprepared wife into a brief but intense kiss and when he released her again confessed. “Thank you, Darling. That might be the best gift I have ever been given.”

“Well, the year isn’t over yet.” Played she down his praise while pulling a roughed up strand behind her ear.

He shook his head while looking enchanted at the article in his hands. “I doubt anything will top this. Not next year or the decade after.”

“I guess we’ll see...” relented she and almost sounded lost in thought while doing so. Don had no idea what could have fazed her. They had just won a major victory by almost solving his crippling handicap. Not just for him but her as well.

“Oh, you’ll see, Darling, I promise you. Thanks to these magical underpants I can finally have a normal life without unprovoked insults and baseless assumptions about me. At last I will get the same respect as a human being like anybody else.” Explained Don and pulled her closer in a protective embrace. “And no-one will ever look at you strangely when seeing us together. We will a be normal couple like everyone else.”

“I never cared for their looks.” Said Astrid. Don could not see her face but it almost sounded bitter. Surely he must had misheard since what reason could she have had to be sad? Right now, with his wonderful wife in his arms and his pants in his hands, he felt absolutely ready to face anything the world could throw at him. Even if the next second all of Nazarick would storm their front door he had no doubt he would handily point them to their place at the food chain’s bottom. Maybe he could make a cereal bowl out of Ainz Ooal Gown’s skull?

“Since you fixed my image problem maybe you could tell me now your idea of going public? How do you think that would work?” Asked he anxious for action. He had no more excuse ( and good reason) to hide in his home and thus no reason to defer anymore. It was finally time to explore this world and seek adventures!

She shifted deeper in his arms and grumbled. “The Sorcerer Kingdom has arenas in all the big cities where the best fighters lose their teeth and spines for the amusement of the spectators. It is by far the most popular sport in the kingdom so anyone who earns fame in the arena earns publicity in the whole land.”

“And you want me to enter the arena under a fake name.”

“Duh. We will go to one of the largest ones, in Arwintar, where you will strip-mine their entrails and bla bla bla…. We can worry about it tomorrow, Honey.”

“No, we, can, not.”Laughed Don as he slowly rocked her body left and right and noted pleased her annoyance. “I can’t wait to get out and have a perfectly boring, normal conversation and I really want to test my skill against those fighters. Besides, the day is still not old so we might as well start now.”

“You’re still on the clock, Honey. What do you hope to accomplish in your remaining three and a half hours? Even if we’d register you you wouldn’t get to fight, today.”

Don hadn’t even thought of his marital obligations but did not let the reminder dissuade him from his wish and picked her up bridal style. “We are leaving today, Darling.” to carry her to the entrance hall.

Astrid protested. “We can’t just leave like that! There are preparations to be made, I need a disguise-”

“So make one.”

“You need an alias!”

“Magnum.”

“And you still have to feed my kitty!”

“Hotel sex. Snot, get ready. We are leaving.” Brokered Don no argument and headed upstairs. “Cheer up, Darling, It’ll be great!” Replied he to Astrid’s sizzling stare.

Not even an hour and a brief trip through the absolute darkness of a [Gate] later they stepped into the grime of a shady side alley so narrow he could only see a sliver of blue sky above. He could clearly hear the heartbeat of the city, its many excited conversations that blended into a low buzz, the chaotic clanking of moving carriages and the barks and sounds of stray animals that lived of the detritus of the inhabitants.

They had handed Snot a long, worn leather coat and an open sallet with a nose guard to obscure his features in the hope it would hide enough of his possibly unique toadish physiology to blend in among the other demihuman while Don had put on a cuirass over his linen shirt and strapped shin and arm guards to his limps. The additional protection would be negligible since his skin was more durable than adamantium but he doubted he would be allowed to fight in the arena in only street clothes and Don wouldn’t have to worry about bending a piece when moving without care. Following Astrid’s advice he left Zorn and Crown of Thorns in his inventory and used instead a lesser, plain longsword and a rondachewith a painted on white moustache on a black ground. Apart from being made of adamantium they lacked any kind of enchantments so even if an opponent managed to steal his weapons they would be of no use against him.

“You have two hours and 23 minutes left.” reminded him Astrid who had pinned up her long hair and dropped her uniform for a black dirndl with a red waistcoat and a white apron and shirt but kept the socks and shoes. Don was fairly certain she chose it since it had the largest cleavage of all his article items that didn’tpractically scream ‘adventurer!’ or ‘spell caster!’ but he was certainly not complaining.

“And am I looking forward to it but right now we still have to ignite a new star.” Beamed he unbothered and pushed her with an arm around her shoulder out to the street into the thick sea of rushingpast people. A quick glance behind making sure Snot wouldn’t get lost and Don started spying for a suitable target. In just a few heart beats he picked out a perfect one. He gave Astrid a reassuring press and white smile, wiggled teasingly his brow and walked away a few steps to a group of women chatting absorbed and enjoying what looked like a break.

He moved to the closest one with her back to him and touched with a single finger the highest point of her head. As he had thought she turned around surprised and quite ready to strike but she faltered at the last moment, just as expected.

Don smiled for her and just said. “Hello.”

She flapped her lips for no effect like a fish on dry land before she managed to reply raw. “Hello.”

“Can you tell me the way to the great arena?” asked Don and added pointedly later. “Please.”

The rapidly blushing woman nodded eagerly and almost stumbled over her words in her rush to answer in a thin, high voice. “Down this street and then north on the 2nd main street! I could show you!”

“Another time, thank you.” Denied he and turned to leave before ‘remembering’ his manners and saying over his shoulder “I’ll see you later.” provoking a severe storm of high pitched screeches and laughter to erupt in the women group while he returned to Astrid and Snot.

“Lady and gentleman, if you would follow me this way.” pointed he with two indexes down the street. He noted quite pleased with himself. “Have you seen how easily I got us a direction without any fuss? One question, one stripped to the bones answer and no requirements or job to do first whatsoever. Turns out I’m an excellent intelligence broker. I am finally an asset to the team!”

She grabbed his arm and pulled him roughly in the pointed direction. “I knew the way already, Honey, but its the thought that counts, right? Well done.” Don had the nagging doubt she wasn’t entirely honest with him but put more thought into the question of how the hell she would know the way already.

He didn’t find an answer before they walked in the shadow of a huge amphitheater where the people of Awintar enjoyed their blood sport. Astrid led him to a single giant door in between the stairs leading up to the spectator circle. A large oxidized copper plate with a border of skulls had been bolted to it proclaiming in finely worked, to him unreadable, letters something, probably ‘gladiator registry’ and a few attributes no one would care about outside of documentation.

Through a smaller door worked into the large one he followed Astrid in. The hall, taller even than the door, didn’t look as impressive as the outside and instead rather utilitarian. The naked stone walls lit by magical lanterns missed decorations of any kind and here and there lonely straw littered the floor. She led them to a smaller wooden cabin build inside the hallthat had about the grandeur of a forgotten shed.

Don had hoped for something more human instead of this cold warehouse of a reception since it reminded him too much of world he came from. In his imagination they would have gone to a cozy half-timbered house with a big hall full of drinking fighters in between the front door and the actual reception where a cute woman, most likely with glasses, would have welcomed them with a bright smile.

Instead Astrid turned around before the door and stopped him with a finger to his chest. “You will wait here, Honey, while I take care of the bureaucracy.

“Darling, I’m the one entering the ring. I really think I should be present for my own registration.”

“I understand you, Honey, but I would really feel better if you would stay here.” Said Astrid and then looked like she was struggling with her feelings before she admitted. “You’ve been looking forward so much to fight and you put your new abilities to use so quickly I want to do everything in my might to get you still today in the arena. I know you earned it but I fear I’ll have to act in way I don’t want you to see for it would be not the true me, the one that loves and cares for you.”

“You promise not to harm those people?” wanted Don to know. Acting in way he wasn’t supposed to see could include an infinite number of gruesome and/or soul raping things but to his relief Astrid shook aghast her head.

“No, I won’t do anything that will lead to lasting harm or the need for a healer, I promise.”

“Okay, then take care, Darling.” Smiled he and opened the door for her. She smiled back and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading inside.

The minutes trickled by while they twiddled their thumps but finally Snot saved them and broke the boring silence. “Sir, why is Astrid so angry, Sir?”

He smirked used by now to Snot’s social in-aptitude before realizing he would probably be having a hard time, too, reading the interaction between two members of a very different species. Noting an educational opportunity for the amphibian he began to explain. “She wasn’t angry, Snot, she was affectionate and very good looking while being so. You see, when too humanoids have strong feelings of sexual attraction to each other they tend to reaffirm those feelings occasionally with careful physical closeness. Seeking it is not always a sign of aggression.”

Snot nodded, hopefully understanding. “Sir, and what does an angry human look like before she attacks, Sir?”

“Some reliable signs are wide open nostrils like a bull sucking in air before charging,” Counted Don to provide examples Snot might know, “the hard narrow eyes similar to a cat about to spank you and of course the flushed skin if they are very angry. The tricky thing is not all humanoids want to show it when they are angry so they try to hide it behind a friendly face.”

“Sir, I will remember that, Sir!” Saluted Snot briefly yet seriously and Don felt glad for him to have become an ounce more prepared for a world that just waited to screw over his ignorant, gullible servitor.

The door opened and Astrid returned followed by a hulking deep sea fishman that barely fit through the frame. Its face resembled an anglerfish and it must have been far too tough to bother with clothing over its slick, pale skin except for a pair of chain pants. What he first thought were fleshy spines on its torso turned out on closer inspection to be small fish with their own sets of eyes that had fused to its skin and given up a separate existence. “Don, this is Cthulnoptek. Follow her to arena and obey her every order.” Introduced Astrid her new companion.

Happy to finally get started Don snapped upright for a stiff mock salute, “Yes, mam!” and proceeded to offer Cthulnoptek a handshake. She looked almost quizzically down at his hand with with her un-moving milky eyes till he gave up and let it drop. Cthulnoptek pointed a wicked claw to a ramp leading down in a corner of the hall opposite the entrance. Understanding she wanted him to go down there and not exchange pleasantries he complied and walked there with Chtulnoptek close on his heels. “I’ll see you later, Darling!” called he back and Snot and Astrid waved back, the former with with an unfamiliar worried face and the latter with a satisfied smirk.

Despite the unpleasant reception he asked Cthulnoptek on their way through the arena’s underground and past several heavily armed and amored guards. “Should I know about any rules? Are there areas I shouldn’t hit or signals I have to watch out for? You can probably tell its gonna be my first match.”

Cthulnoptek stuck to her icy demeanor and did not answers. He thought it was rude of her but understood she had probably seen so many gladiators that he was just another face she would soon forget anyway. Maybe he wouldn’t have bothered with an answer in her stead, too, if he was really frustrated about his job. He had been at that point before.

They stopped at a dimly lit dead end before a wide and heavy looking wood door with steel reinforcements. She grabbed the upward facing handle, similar to one used in a cooling cell, and pointed at the ground right before her. Not really understanding why she didn’t just pull the handle since she looked capable enough he obeyed and stepped on the pointed place.

Having learned Cthulnoptek didn’t respond well to words Don pointed with a questioning brow to his chest and then the door. She nodded slowly and a disgusting sound like boiling slime rumbled from her throat. She pulled the handle and shoved him inside while he was still wondering if that had been laughter and if so what had been so funny about his question.

His nose wrinkled at once from the sour smell of sweat and piss and the spent air but before he could ask where they were going the door fell in its frame leaving him in pitch black darkness. He heard several breaths, bodies shuffling and the clatter of armor and weapons.

  
“Hey!” Someone poked his shoulder. “Hey you! What’s your felony?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and congratulation for finishing the chapter. How about spending one more minute for a review ;) ?


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